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There was a time I was happy in my life
There was a time I believed I'd live forever
There was a time I prayed to Jesus Christ
There was a time I had a mother
It was nice
.::Where does it begin? I don't know. Don't ask me, I won't tell you. I won't tell you anything. Fuck you, leave me alone...I don't trust you...not at all. All I know is that I'm sitting on a white table in a small room. There are people around me. I know them all, but I don't want to know them. I wish they would all leave me the hell alone, because I don't trust them...I don't trust any of them, just like I don't trust you. In front of me, there stands a man dressed in white. He's trying to check me out...the asshole. He wants me to tell him what hurts, but I won't...I won't tell him anything...the more he knows, the more vulnerable I am...that's how it is with anyone now. I don't care about them anymore...I can't...caring got me this way...and I will never care again. Ever::.
.::Next to me he stands...his name is Cameron, I met him on vacation...he looks solemn and afraid. I am wearing his leather coat. He put it on me, to keep me warm...but you see, I'm not cold...I shake because I'm afraid. I shiver because I don't want to see the light of day and I breath only because I'm afraid of death itself. Cameron...last name Hunter...he cares about me, I know, he cares for me deeply...but I can't trust him. He'll hurt me like Ryan...like Lazlow...like everyone I ever tried to trust. I can see the tears in Cameron's eyes. He doesn't cry, because he's faithful to his pride...but the tears are there. My tears cannot hold themselves back anymore. My tears come from the heart...the heart that was broken, stabbed, killed and left to run dry. My heart exists only to me now. It is in captive, for when I let it free, those around me destroy it, slowly and painfully. I don't cry because I'm sad. I'm not sad and I never was. I am angry, I am scared...I don't want to give my life away...I am too young to let myself perish in the hands of others...that is not why god put me here::.
.::But why did God feel the need to let that man do it to me? I called him master...I had to, no choice. He brought my heart to it's knees, cracking the kneecaps...making me feel it emotionally. Oh, but the pain never ended. Master...Mark Hyatt...he hurt me and he made her do it to. He hurt my pride and made it so my body could not hide it's sorrow and pain. None of those around me understand. They think I have some sort of brain damage...because I don't want to speak to any of them...ANY of them. I do this at my own will. They will never know anything about me from me again. I know the most about myself. They will know nothing, I guarantee it. The man in white looks to Cameron. He shakes his head. Cameron looks at me upset. The man in white...he's the doctor...he talks to Cameron, and Cameron listens::.
{Doctor}
I'm sorry sir...this girl...she's fine. She is in the right mind...I'm sure of it. There is no medical condition I can diagnose...her ribs are badly bruised, however nothing else seems wrong. I'm afraid...she's doing this on her own...
.::Cameron looks at me as if he doesn't want to believe the man. I feel like saying 'yeah, that's right, I don't WANT to talk to you...I don't want to talk to anybody...NOBODY'...but...that is giving up. And I will not give in. I'm stronger, much stronger than that. Cameron shakes his head at me. He whispers in a tone that only I can hear::.
{Cameron}
Jesus Stephanie...he's lying to me...I hope he's lying to me...
.::Sorry buddy, he ain't lying. I don't say anything to Cameron. I stare at him and shiver, the tears flowing out of my puffy, red eyes. Cameron looks at the doctor again::.
{Cameron}
What was that you said about her ribs...
{Doctor}
Bruised...must have been caused by someone...not an accident...caused by force...
.::No shit Sherlock, I feel like speaking again...but of course, I refrain. The doctor then tries to make me lay down on the table. I struggle, but he still tries. Cameron tells him to be gentle. That is when I forcefully shove the doctor away. He is so surprised, he falls back onto the ground behind him. I continue to cry, harder and harder as I panic and run out of the room as fast as I can. Cameron tries to grasp me by the arm, but I run past him, all the way down the hallway, all the way to my locker room...where I can be alone::.
.::Once inside I lock the door. I rush to the corner, slouch down and cry. I am so used to the corner now, I cannot accept freedom. I hear knocking on my door, most possibly Cameron...but I ignore it and everything else I hear. I jump at every noise...a pin dropping shakes my heart and clouds my mind. For any sound could mean my demise...something I fear so badly, it demolishes all sanity in me::.
Caught Off Guard
All Worked Up
The Air Is As Dark And Cold As Night
Let Me Go
I'm Not Done
I Swear I'll Take This One Lifetime...
.::As I sit, I think about how life will be when this is over. This...brawl I fought for. I can see myself, walking down the ramp, mustering the courage to face all those cheering for me, screaming for me. I can see Mister Red White and Blue standing in the squared circle, looking at me, feeling confident as he sees the fear on my face...he thinks that fear is inflicted by him...but it's not. I am not scared of the All American...I am not even afraid of fighting...oh, but he thinks I am...and that is where he is wrong. He will not beat me, he thinks he can...he thinks I'm crazy, like everybody else...but he doesn't know...::.
.::I close my eyes and the terror engulfs me silently. I see what I see whenever my eyes are closed. Not darkness, no...I see worse than that. I'm laying on the floor, I feel lifeless and in pain. My head hurts, and I appear to be in a barn...but at the time...I don't know that. Then he walks in...Mark Hyatt walks in and oh God am I afraid. He has his Amy with him...she carries with her a whip...I can hear Mark's voice drone in my ears::.
'Amy, are you ready...'
.::I see Amy nod, and I cringe as she cracks my back with the whip. I scream as she does it over and over again, faster, harder...the pain, I can hardly take. Mark Hyatt is laughing at me, laughing and smiling. It feels as if my whipping continues for many hours on end. The whip is breaking my skin. The blood from my back is drizzling down my skin and onto the ground. I feel numb, my shirt is ripped in many places now, washed in my blood. Mark bends down and tears a bloody section of my shirt off my back. Amy whips me around five more times, then walks away with Mark. I do not move...in order not to irritate the lashings caused from the whip hitting my back. My first meal for the day is sitting on the ground near me. It is not much...bread and water. He only feeds me twice a day...most of it I want to throw up...but I don't...otherwise, I'll probably starve...::.
.::I open my eyes, breathing heavily, shaking my head. I see my locker room again, clouded by my tears. I wish the visions would go away...but they don't, and I see them whenever I try to forget the pain and hurt he put me through. I shakily get up from my corner on weak legs. Legs that are bruised, scarred. Legs that will see no light before they heal. My long, camouflage cargo pants...they cover my disgusting skin. My ribs are solidly aching. Will The Patriot know about them and how sore they are? I thought they were broken...but no...they're bruised...could have fooled me. He'll capitalize if he knows...after all, it is the American way. I grab my gym bag and rummage through it, picking out a bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol, opening it and taking out around three pills. I put them in my mouth and swallow hard without water, downing all three at once. I cough, then collapse on the floor, as if my knees had given way. I close my eyes again, trying to find peace...but that doesn't work...my nightmares come to play again...they will never leave my soul to rest::.
...And I...
I Won't Lie...
I Won't Sin...
Maybe I Don't Wanna Go...
Can't You Wait?
...Maybe I Don't Wanna Go...
.::Now I lay, I haven't eaten and my bloody, half covered back throbs with the despair of a broken girl's sorrow. Mark returns with Amy and I panic, getting up for the first time in hours. He speaks to me::.
'Sit your ass DOWN...'
.::I obey, he is my master now, isn't he? I get on my knees and shiver, looking into his cold eyes, the window to his black heart. He walks right up to me. I have to look up in order to see his face. He looks down at me now. He sees the fear in my eyes and grins. It feels a lifetime as we look at one another...I don't realize he's playing my emotions...captivating me...giving him time to strike. Oh, and he strikes alright. Without any warning, Mark lifts his leg and kicks me right hard in the ribs, giving me no time to brace myself. I want to scream, but I'm winded. I fall over, Mark laughs as he kicks me hard in the ribs again. He's so strong, I am so weak...it hurts so much. I cry, he doesn't care. He kicks me once more, for fun I'm supposing. He then walks away laughing. The voice told him to do that...I know it did...::.
.::My eyes open again. Witnessing Mark's beating of me all over again was nothing I wanted to experience, but I don't know what to feel anymore...it's not about what I want anymore. I want love, I want a life of happiness and a lack of misfortune. I want the U.S. Title and I want to be respected all over again, yet, I know it won't happen...reason being, I myself am no longer in control. He controls me now. Master controls me, and I can't escape him. I need comfort and I need reassurance, but Hyatt gives me none of that...and anyone else willing to be around me, I won't let. I knew I was a plague, the moment Ryan turned on me. The moment I was put in that locker...the moment he was willing to sacrifice our friendship for everything I had and he wanted. I knew I was wrong the moment Lazlow decided he wouldn't care about me anymore. The moment he made Lander attack me. I knew I'd lost it all...and I keep losing, more and more, over and over::.
I Should've Asked
I Could've Helped
At Least A Fuckin' Thousand Times Before...
Will This Offer...Get Me In...
Or Does This Prove That They Gave More?...
.::Try to think of what is left in my life. Friends? Friends that I don't trust? Friends that will never be faithful? Friends that will grow tired of all I am and all I ever will be? I have a Tag Title? A Title co-held by Keevee...the only friend that hasn't changed? I have Aaron, Aaron who stays true to me...even after changing her ways. But I have nothing real...no love, no peace...or do I have love? Love isn't something measured by those who want in your pants...it is measured by someone who gives to you from the heart, and would do anything to see you succeed. Love is like a container of jelly beans. Some sweet, luscious and soft...yet, picking up a black one fucks up everything. I remember when Keevee loved me...then it 'got black', so to speak. The trust was gone...and with the trust went to love and lust...now there's nothing but friendship left between us::.
.::Remembering back to the hand beatings I got from Mark Hyatt should make me stronger...but I don't feel strong. I feel weak, somebody who looks to loneliness to get away, then wants love. I'm confused, nowhere to go and nothing to do but drift away. Being me, Stephanie Styles, it makes life no more easier than torture. My very name causes people to roll their eyes. I have automatic Anti-Steph activists all around me. People that wish I would die, go to hell...where they think I belong...and run away, out of their lives. But I don't go away. I'm afraid to leave, they feel the need to drive me...but I won't go. I never trusted them, or anyone else. I shouldn't...it will kill me to trust anything...::.
.::Alas, there needs to be one. One person that I can open up to. One person that I can speak to. One person that I can trust. That person would have to be the one to tell me it's okay. And I would have to believe them of course...but I don't know that person. They don't exist to me, nor do I feel they will ever. A feeling of discomfort comes upon me. It covers me like a blanket, and it is then that I know something is terribly wrong. I can see...two people in my mind. One with a weapon. I know I'm not the only one. Someone else will feel the pain, someone else I know. But I can't help that person. I feel as if I should, but I can't tell who it is...and I can't tell myself what's going on. I can't even help myself. I'm not ready to fight the Full Blooded American. I need to find the one man who can help me evade my issues. And God help me if I'm wrong...but I think I know who...::.
.::I get up again. I feel so dizzy, but that I ignore. I walk toward my locker room door and hesitantly unlock it. Whoever was there before has left, and the hallway seems mostly deserted. A few people stare at me as I run through the halls, looking around. They see the tears going down my face. I have learned to disregard those as well. I see some looks of disgust as I run past. Skylene is...I also recognize the new girl Elisha flashing me a dirty stare. I get to the locker room marked Scorpio. I cry some more before bolting through it. On the inside...I sees Scorpio...Zach...The Medicine Man. Of course, just my luck, my boyfriend is handcuffed on a couch. I see Scorpio look toward the door, in shock to see me standing there. My legs are suddenly tired. I collapse onto the ground. Scorpio looks worried::.
{Scorpio}
Stephanie?!
.::I say nothing. I begin to crawl forward, toward Zach. I am shaking viciously...and he looks as if he knows of nothing to do. I stare up at him, my eyes again clouded with water. I look at the handcuffs. 'Taurus' I think to myself. I get to the couch and force myself onto my knees. Zach slouches, as to make us nearly face to face. I look into his eyes, he looks into mine. I see something I never remember seeing. Somebody who actually gives a shit. I grab Scorpio's shirt with my two hands. Both hands are trembling furiously, but he doesn't care. I can tell he wants his hands on mine, but they are barred by metal cuffs, and can do nothing but sit, tied to one another against my boyfriends own will. I want to talk, but all I can do is sit and stare. Finally, I begin to cry, making the most sound I have in days::.
.::I hug Zach. There is no need for speech, for a hug so sincere cannot be measured by dialogue. I know now that I'll be okay. I'll be able to beat The Patriot for all he's worth. I'll be able to be a champion and to all the Anti-Steph activists? I am now able to say 'Fuck You.' That's right...Fuck You all, I don't care for you...and I will be the winner...I believe in me...and Mark Hyatt? Master huh? Whatever...Master my girly white ass. He can go fuck Amy, the drone. He'll never get me again. I have friends...I have...Cameron...Keevee...Aaron...and heaven forbid, I have Scorpio. Friendship, Life and Love. I'm telling you now, that's all I'll ever need::.
...And I...
I Won't Lie...
I Won't Sin...
Maybe I Don't Wanna Go...
Can't You Wait?
...Maybe I Don't Wanna Go...
~The End~ Rp Here |
