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“In a week that has shook the world of rock n' roll and sent a wave of disbelief up and down the country, all four members of the popular rock group “Soul Kitchen” have died. The first incident was when drummer Leigh McSharry became intoxicated on a cocktail of alcohol and “mind expanding drugs”. McSharry then became suicidal and threatened to throw himself off of Aldershot multistory car park. After being talked down by the other members he tripped on his untied shoe lace and fell down a flight of stairs hitting his head on a fire escape door. He died very slowly and painfully that night.
Vocalist and lead guitarist Ryan McSharry died soon after he learned he had caught a rare illness from using permanent markers to write on his body at shows. A doctor said “it turns out Ryan had an allergic reaction to the type of felt used in the tip of the marker. The reaction caused him to become fatally ill. Let this be a lesson to those of you who think its fun to draw on yourselves”.
Rhythm guitarist Tim Gordon was last seen driving in his white polo by devoted fans before going missing for 4 days. His body and burned out car were later found at the side of a motorway, there was nothing in the car but a KISS tape and cornflakes all over the back seat. Police are not yet commenting on whether the popular cereal was the cause of his death.
Bassist William Mayhem decided to commemorate his departed band mates deaths by staying in a sealed box for 44 days and 44 nights, with nothing but 15 cans of Strongbow. Friends called an ambulance after they had not heard a can open for over 2 hours, a coroner later established that Mayhem had forgotten to make any air holes and had only lasted 44 minutes”-a news report released soon after the death of all four members
since 31/5/03
