Terror at Bikini Bottom!!!

By Steven Moody

          One ordinary morning, Spongebob Squarepants woke up, and as usual, made his way for work at the Crusty Crab. When he got there, he said, “Aah, the Crusty Crab! Oh Mr. Crabs!! I AM SO HAPPY!!”

            Squidward was in a very bad mood, and this was the very last thing he needed to hear. He ran up to Spongebob, and slapped him in the face. Spongebob started crying, and said, “What was that for Squidward?”

            Squidward replied, “That was for being so stupid today. Somebody needed to shut you up”.

            Spongebob was really upset, and for the first time in his life, felt the desire to get revenge on Squidward.

            ‘How dare he hit me, he had no right to. Well, I am going to get back at him’.

            That night, all Spongebob thought about was his revenge plans for Squidward. He was not going to sleep until he had a brilliant plan. Suddenly, he had a plan…

            The next morning, Spongebob gracefully headed to work early, and didn’t need to sing or anything, because he had the “perfect plan”. He stopped by the “Rusty Bucket” before going to work. “Oh Plankton, I will give you a Crabby Patty if you do something to me”.

            Plankton coughed, and said, “What in the world? You are actually giving in this time?”

            Spongebob grinningly said, “All you have to do is follow these instructions, and I will sneak a Crusty Crab over here. Then you can put it in your stupid machine to detect all the ingredients. But if you tell anyone it was me, I will….tell you I love you!”

            Plankton gasped and said, “NO! I swear! If they ask, I will say I stole it from someone with a ‘To Go” order! Just, don’t say that!”

            Spongebob left and said, “Okay Plankton. You know what you have to do”. He looked at the clock, and had two more minutes to get to work. It was perfect.

            Two hours later, Squidward walked up to Spongebob, and said, “Spongebob! When I say the customer wants a crabby patty, I mean it!”

            Spongebob said, “Oh absolutely, how foolish of me…”

BANG!!!!

Squidward’s father entered.

            “Squidward! Get over here right now!”

            Squidward turned red, and said, “Ddddaaddd?”

            Squidward’s father said, “I found this under your bed. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!”

            Squidward looked at the picture of Mr. Krabs in tartar sauce, and laughed hysterically.

            Mr. Krabs saw the picture, and said, “Squidward, YOU ARE FIRED!!!”

            Squidward said, “No! I have never even seen this picture before in my life! I swear, I didn’t take it!”

            Squidward’s father started smoking.

            Immediately, Squidward tackled his father, and identified the imposter. “Look everybody, it is Plankton!”

            Krabs said, “Nice try Plankton, but you will NEVER get the formula for the Krabby Patty, NEVER!!!”

            An evil frown came across Spongebob’s face, and he ran up to Squidward. “How did you know that was Plankton???”

            Squidward chuckled and said, “Ha ha ha. First of all, my father is obsessed with the phrase ‘no smoking’, and has five ‘smoke-free’ shirts in his wardrobe. Second of all, if my father were to smoke, he would light the match with his right hand, not his left. And third of all, YOU CANNOT SMOKE UNDER WATER!!!! Come on Spongebob, get some brains! You worry me sometimes. Now get back to the patties!”

            Squidward’s smart attitude made Spongebob enraged, but he kept it hidden until he left.

            Spongebob knocked on the door of the “Chum-bucket”, and handed Plankton his Crabby Patty, knowing that the ingredient machine wouldn’t work. He stormed home furious.

            That night, Spongebob thought of everything he could to get revenge on Squidward. If revenge meant murder, Spongebob was angry enough.

            The next morning, Spongebob walked to work with yet again, another brilliant plan. When he got to the Krusty Krab, he walked in smiling, only because he was thinking about his plan.

            While Spongebob was preparing a Krabby Patty, he looked at the clock, and took out some alcohol. He poured it in one of the customer’s drinks. When he handed the order to Squidward, he carefully put the bottle in his belt off to the side.

            Two minutes later…

            “AAAHH! HONEY! I THINK WE ARE HAVING SHARK TONIGHT!!! I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL JUST LIKE A SCHOOLBOY!!! I AM IN A SENSELESS RAGE! RUNNING TOO HARD!! DID I TEAR YOU INTO PIECES? THE LESSONS I AM LEARNING NOW ARE GOING TO MAKE IT EASY!!! AM I OF AGE DEAR???”

            “What in the name of the devil is going on here?” Mr. Krabs said angrily. “Squidward, did you…. HEY! You poured alcohol into his drink didn’t you? You are fired!!!”

            Squidward looked at the bottle in his belt, and said, “What? I didn’t have this before! This is ridiculous!!...”

            Suddenly the crazy drunk came up to Krabs and said, “Squidward did it to cure my husband’s flancer. You see, there is this disease called ‘flancer’, which makes you feel stressed all the time, and feel watched. My husband and I were not allowed to purchase alcohol, because we don’t have driver’s licenses, so I asked Squidward if he could spare just a little alcohol in his drink, to cure his flancer. And it worked, so please, don’t fire him”.

            Krabs shook his head, and said, “Okay, no problem. Squidward, sorry about the confusion”.

            That night, when Spongebob got back home, he heard funny noises coming from Squidward’s house. He walked over, and overheard this:

            “So anyways, what is with Spongebob? He is so stupid, he doesn’t even realize it! I mean, his brain can’t be so small that it actually fell out of one of those holes, can it? His laugh, I mean, what planet is that from? Yeah, I got Patrick to tell me who his crush is, and I think I’m going to win her, just to make Spongebob jealous. I swear, I will do anything to shut him up. He is always singing, off tune by the way, at work, and my contract doesn’t expire for another year! I can’t take it any more. I though maybe hitting him would make him get the picture, but it doesn’t! What am I going to do now? If he doesn’t stop at my stealing his crush, I think I’m going to present the slideshow I’ve been putting together for as long as I’ve known him. And boy, I have some classic, funny shots of him, that would make him so embarrassed, he would die. Ha, ha ha ha, die, ha ha ha. Wait a minute! What am I talking about! I’m going to just do it tomorrow! HA HA HA HA!!!!”

            Spongebob was so angry, he remembered something. Something that would terrify the entire Bikini Bottom. Something so horrible, his mood was suddenly excited and great.

            The next day, Spongebob didn’t show up for work, and Squidward announced his presentation at 7:00 PM. Everyone in town accepted the invitation, and said they’d be there.

            Spongebob, on the other hand, needed no more planning. His memory came back to him, and that was all he needed.

            At 7:00 PM, in the town hall, everyone was seated for the presentation. Even Spongebob made his way into the back, and took a seat.

            “Ladies and Gentlemen. It brings me great joy to present to you, this slideshow. Enjoy!”

            For the next thirty minutes, ‘Spongebob’, endured being mocked, seeing awful photographs of himself, and having tomatoes thrown at him. After the slideshow, the power went out. And terrible instances of lighting raged across the town house. The doors slammed, and the windows closed. One light lit, and that was on the podium. Everyone was going crazy.

            “Sit down you big low lives! And be quiet!” said a large voice, raging throughout the building. Everyone sit still, and was attentive.

            Spongebob walked up to the podium and said, “Listen up people! You may think what you did was funny, and I’ll admit! That pink dress was pretty hilarious. BUT!!! You are all pitifully stupid. For none of you even realize who I am…”

            “What are you doing Spongebob? Get off the podium! You are not worth…”

            “SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO HIM!!” Screamed the large, unidentified voice again.

            “As I was saying, thirty years ago, all of you, and I mean ALL OF YOU were in this exact building. None of you remember this, because you have been so caught up in your shallow and senseless lives, this event slowly drifted out of your mind. Once you had gone two days without thinking about it, it was purposely erased from your minds. All of you…PATRICK! EVEN YOU YOU SENSLESS IDIOT!!!...made a promise to me. No, not in the form of Spongebob, but…”

            Suddenly the power went out again, and lighting raged even more. When the lights came on, the projector screen revealed everybody in the same building…

Fade into the events 30 years ago

            “Ladies and Gentlemen. Let me introduce myself. I am Oswald Tinkerhook. I take the form of any animal, and any human! HOWEVER! I must keep my identity original. I have taken the form of a starfish, as you can see. I am eternal. Meaning, I will never die. Now, many of you are wondering why you are here. I have been in Bikini Bottom for the past twelve years, in the form of….”

            “AAAAAHHHHH!!!! HENRY B.!!!! IS THAT YOU????!!!!!” cried one of “Henry B’s” many cruel bullies.

            “The same! Now, I have been treated VERY POORLY! By ALL OF YOU!!!!! Now it is time to get my revenge. If you do not agree to satisfy my next request, something terrible will happen to all of you”.

            “Aeh, he’s a loony” said Squidward.

            “Squidward! You do not know that I know this, but you were once married, and left your wife for a cheap clarinet”.

            “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT???”

            “Ah, like I said, I am eternal. Meaning I can travel back in time, and I never die. Now, you wanna see what happened to your wife?”

            The lights turned off, and a video projected onto the screen. It showed Squidward’s wife being kidnapped by an angry mob”.

            “What happened to her???!!!!” yelled Squidward.

            “She had a cup of tea on a Sunday with a friend…SHE GOT KIDNAPPED YOU IDIOT!!!”

            Squidward felt a sharp pain in his left tentacle. “OUCH!!! WHO DID THAT?? OUCH STOP!!!”

            Oswald laughed and said, “That was me you fool. You are fully responsible for this action!”

            Squidward laughed “He’s lying! He made it up!”

            Oswald chuckled. “Oh really? Let’s ask Mrs. Puff! Take off that mask!”

            Squidward screamed

            Mrs. Puff said, “What’s the matter sweetheart? Did my hideous face freak you out? Am I not clarinetty enough for you? Oswald, do what you wish with him!”

            Oswald said, “Aah, but did you not also steal twenty dollars from the cash register at the Krusty Krab? Which you later spent to get high off of a highly illegal drug?”

            Mrs. Puff – “Aeh, that’s nothing! He cheated on me!”

            Oswald – “Ah, but did you not also murder the man who caught you? HERE HE IS NOW!!!”

            A snapshot of Officer J. Rainheart appeared on the screen.

            “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” screamed everyone at once.

            “Now that you know my knowledge, agree to my request, or something awful will happen to you! Raise your hand if you are going to do what I say!”

            Everyone raised their hands.

            “Good! Now, my request is very simple! If you succeed at this, I will leave Bikini Bottom for good! And your lives will carry on normally. And you will completely forget about me. BUT! If you fail, something terrible will happen to you!

            “Now! I will take on the form of a newcomer to Bikini Bottom. You must treat me with respect, show me kindness, be my friend, etc. I will completely terminate my knowledge of my true identity for twenty years. That’s right! In ten years, I will come to Bikini Bottom in the form of a newcomer! In thirty years, we will all meet in this same town house, and will discuss how everyone did.

            “Keep in mind! When I take my first step into Bikini Bottom, I will have no memory of my true identity for twenty years! I will only know myself as the identity I have taken on! Sounds simple doesn’t it?

            HOWEVER!!!! You must remember this meeting at least once every 48 hours, OR ELSE, you will completely forget this ever happened. Don’t worry; I will give you your memory back! In thirty years! I must go now! So good luck! And remember, treat all newcomers with kindness!!!”

Video of the events that took place thirty years ago ended.

“SO!!!” yelled Oswald Tinkerhook, “How did we do??? Tell me Krabs! When was the last time you thought of our meeting thirty years ago??”

            Krabs said, “Well, you see…”

            “Just shut up and tell me!!!!” Interrupted Oswald

            “One week after the meeting!”

            The entire audience gasped out loudly.

            “And, why did you forget? BECAUSE YOU SPENT 50 STRAIGHT HOURS WATCHING 5000 WAYS TO MAKE MONEY!!!! YOU GREEDY FOOL!!! CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES MONEY???”

            “Tell me Squidward, what was the very first thought that entered your mind when I set foot in Bikini Bottom. WAIT!!!! Be honest! Or else, you will pay!!!”

            “I thought you were a loony, and despised you from day one!”

            Again, the crowd gasped.

            “I see! Not exactly a warm welcome was it? TELL ME MRS. PUFF!!! Why did I never get my Driver’s License?”

            “Because you were a terrible driver!!” Cried Mrs. Puff

            “Not quite the answer I was looking for. Let me ask you this then, WHY was I such a terrible driver?”

            “Because I tested your driving skills before teaching the curriculum.” She confessed.

            “Now, why did you not teach me the curriculum?” Oswald asked calmly

            “Well first, you were a sponge! A SPONGE!! What kind of idiotic form was that anyway…. YEEEAAAOOOOOUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!”

            “NOT THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR SWEETHEART!!! Now tell me, WHY did you not teach me the curriculum!!!” Oswald yelled after giving Mrs. Puff brutal pain in her gill.

            “I wanted to discourage you, and get rid of you!!! But you wouldn’t leave!! You were too persistent!!!” Puff answered.

            “Ah, so let’s go back to your previous statement. A sponge, you refused to work with a sponge! A SPONGE YOU AHD NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE!!! You fool! When was the last time you thought about our meeting 30 years ago?!”

            “I traveled to a brain surgeon to take that memory out of my mind the next day”.

            The crowd gasped much louder than before.

            “You fool! Did I not warn you that something terrible would happen to you? I am going to make sure your punishment is far worse than anyone else’s!

            “SANDY!!!! You treated her like dirt when she first came, ‘dumb ole Texas!’, even I did! BUT!!! ONLY FOR ONE DAY!!!! Then you treated with genuine respect and kindness the rest of the time. You did quite well, but unfortunately, that was not the identity I took on was it Patrick???!!!! Well???!!!”

            “No sir!” replied Patrick

            “Patrick, overall, you were the only one that kept your part. I congratulate you! I am now going to duplicate Bikini Bottom, place it in a similar part of the ocean far from here, and place you in it. BUT!!! Everyone will be fake, but you won’t know it! I will even put a Spongebob there, where you can live happily ever after. Friends! Say goodbye to Patrick the starfish!!”

            “Why did you do that??? That was a terrible thing to do, placing him in a fake town with fake people!” Yelled Krabs.

            “Shut up you old geezer!! I took his memory of the meetings away, he won’t know a difference, except maybe why everyone is less shallow and self centered…YOU FOOLS!!! YOU ALL BLEW IT!!!! YOU TREATED ME LIKE DIRT!!!! Now, watch this video of each one of you treating me filthy!...”

The video plays

….

The video ends

            “Now, explain your filthy selves!!!” Yelled Oswald

            “That voice! It was terrible! That laugh!! It was torture to hear!!!” said Squidward

            “Oh Squidward…I would like you to know that before my memory came back, I had been planning to get revenge on you. You see, you hit me for no reason the other day, YOU HIT ME FOR NO REASON!!! YOU FILTHY FREAK!!!! You lost your memory of the meeting when you left your wife for your FILTHY clarinet, and spent three days straight trying to learn how to play it”.

            “You screwed up, I left my wife even before our first meeting…” said Squidward, a little less frightened.

            “DON’T PLAY IDIOT WITH ME NOW!!!! REMEMBER!!! I HAVE POWER TO DO TO YOU WHATEVER I DARN WELL PLEASE!!!!....Now everyone, to clear things up a bit. Squidward re-married twenty five years ago, and has been thinking of the meeting quite often. BUT!!! It had also been five years since he touched a clarinet! He left his wife for another cheap clarinet! And by the way, he is still very mediocre!

            “Now! You all agreed to treat me with kindness when I came to Bikini Bottom in the form of a newcomer. Here is your evaluation, YOU PITIFULLY FAILED!!! All of you forgot about the meeting, and became so self centered and stubborn to treat a sponge with kindness! So, I must keep my end of the bargain now, and that is to do something terrible to all of you!” Cried Oswald

            “Squidward! You will…CONSTANTLY HEAR THE VOICE OF SPONGEBOB’S LAUGHTER IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!!”         

            Squidward started crying, and pounded the ground. “I’m sorry!!! I’m truly sorry!!! Please!!! Don’t do this to me!!!! I’m begging you!!!! I’M BEGGING YOU!!! NO! NNNOOOOO!!!!!”

            Oswald replied, “Shut up you fool! I warned you! It is too late!”

            Squidward started hearing Spongebob’s laugh in his head. “NNNOOOOOO!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!! HAVE MERCY!!!! I’M SORRY!!!!! I AM SO SORRY!!!! PLEASE!!!! I’M BEGGING YOU!!!!! ANYTHING!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!”

            Oswald said, “Alright, get him out of here!”

            Two doctor fish tied him to a dolly, and dragged him to a psychiatric ward.

            “You are horrible!!!” yelled Krabs

            “Krabs! Just the one I was going to talk to. Every time you touch money, an awfully humiliating photograph will be displayed in public for one week straight. In other words, you are to NEVER TOUCH MONEY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!”

            “NOO!! NOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! PLEASE!!!! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MONEY!!! PLEASE!!!!” cried Krabs

            “I warned you buddy, but did you listen? NO!!! Alright, get him out of here!”

            Krabs was dollied off to the psychiatric ward as well.

            “Mrs. Puff!!! You are going to be in the form of Spongebob for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! WITH YOUR MIND!!!! Meaning, that every time you look in the mirror, you will see your worst nightmare, SPONGEBOB!!!”

            Mrs. Puff started sobbing. “NOOOO!! PLEASE!!! I’M BEGGING YOU!!! PLEASE!!! I CAN’T!!!! IT IS AWFUL!!! IT IS WORSE THAN YOU THINK!!!! I PROMISE, IT IS WORSE PAIN THAN YOU WENT THROUGH!!!! NOOOO!!!”

            “I warned you thirty years ago! Alright, get her, erm, I mean him out of here now!!”

            All the rest of the crowd was sentenced as well, with their worst fears, and evil hatreds. As for Oswald, he shook his head, and made his way for land, in the form of a human…

            By the way, Squidward, Krabs and Mrs. Puff are now in the form of humans, living in the Boston Psychiatric ward. Squidward is now known as Jeffery R. Thomas, Krabs is currently known as Harry S. Armstrong, and Mrs. Puff is now known as Charlene C. Truman.

            Dr. Raymond F. Clarke, therapist at the Boston Psychiatric ward sat beside Jeffery, and said calmly. “Can you tell me why you are here Jeff?”

            Jeff angrily replied, “My name is not Jeffery! It is Squidward! For one year, I have heard the laughter of Spongebob Squarepants in my head, and it is more annoying every day! I can’t take it any more!”

            Dr. Clarke said, “I see. And, do you know why you are hearing this voice in your head?”

            Jeffery told Dr. Clarke the story. Dr. Clarke wrote “crazy” on his portfolio, and sent him back to his room.

            Dr. Clarke sat down beside Henry S. Armstrong, and said gently, “Do you know why you are here Henry?”

            Henry cried, “My name is NOT Henry! It is Mr. Krabs!! Every time I touch money an embarrassing picture of me is publicly displayed! And I live for money! I can’t live without it!!!”

            Dr. Clarke heard the story in its entirety, wrote down “insane” on his portfolio, and sent him back to his room.

            He sighed, and made his way to Charlene C. Truman. He sat down beside her, and said, “Do you know why you are here Charlene?”

            Charlene cried, “My name is NOT Charlene! It is Mrs. Puff! Every time I look in the mirror, I see that hideous creature! Spongebob!! It is terrible!! Horrible!!! I cannot take it anymore!!!”

            Dr. Clarke interrupted, “Let me guess, Oswald Tinkerhook did this to you?”

            Charlene replied, “Yep”.

            Dr. Clarke, “This is by far the strangest, unbelievable story I have heard in my ENTIRE FREAKIN’ LIFE!!! I am referring you to the Philadelphia psychiatric ward, they can help you better than we can. Your case is far too strange for any of the staff members here.

            Alright, get her out of here!”

            That night Dr. Clarke went home earlier than usual.

            “Are you alright sweetheart?” his wife Betty asked.

            “No dear, I am afraid I am not. My job gets stranger every day. One of my patients claims he hears psychotic laughter in his head, and claims his name is Squidward. Another patient claims that every time he touches money, an embarrassing photograph is publicly displayed, and his name is Mr. Krabs. But the one that breaks the record is this. I have a patient by the name of Charlene C. Truman, who claims that every time she looks in the mirror, she sees herself as a Spongebob Squarepants! And her name is Mrs. Puff! What is the matter with these people!”

            “I’m sorry dear, those are the most ridiculous stories I’ve ever heard. I wish there was something I could do to help”.

Oswald Tinkerhook observes these events

            “Pity. I warned them! Nobody will listen to them now! Oh well, life is like that sometimes…”

            Patty Tinkerhook, Oswald’s wife said, “Yes dear, but what was your revenge for Squidward’s talking on the phone with his girlfriend telling her bad things about you?”

            “Oh that. Well, he doesn’t know this, but in the world I set up for Patrick the starfish, Squidward is best friends with him and Spongebob! HA HA HA HA!!! He is even slightly loonier than they are!! HA HA HA HA!!! Yeah, I know the real Squidward doesn’t know this, but it is funny anyways”.

            “What about Plankton dear?” asked his wife.

            “Alas! I turned him into a teddy bear! HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

The end for now