King Henry's Search for Bath Water

There was a king named Henry, who lived in a castle in Britain. One day Henry decided that he needed to take a bath, because he was really dirty, and hadn't taken a bath for ten months. He decided to leave the castle, and search for bath water. He told his guards to guard the castle well while he was gone, and to throw things at any intruders. His son, Antonio, was asked to take charge of the castle while Henry was gone. Henry started his search in the nearby forest, where he saw an odd looking wanderer. He approached this wanderer, who turned out to be a dirty, bearded man. Henry asked, "Who art thou, that wander this forest?" The man replied, "I am Sir Jacob, son of King Arthur about two miles from here." Henry replied, "What is your quest, Sir Jacob?" Arthur replied, "I am in search of rare bath water, as I am filthy, what is your quest?" King Henry said, "I am in search of bath water as well, good luck on your search!" Henry had a sneaking suspicion that there were many other people in search of bath water, but that didn't stop him. Two hours later, Henry left the large forest, and approached a field of green yellowish grass, with trees scattered about. Henry saw white figure in the distance that resembled a tub. As Henry got closer, he realized that this was a bath tub, and Henry thought water would be inside. Much to Henry's dismay, there was a man lying in the bath tub, rolling around. Henry recognized the man from the forest, Sir Jacob, with a long beard. "Ahoy there King Henry! Have you had your bath yet? HA HA HA HA HA!" King Henry began to become really irritated now, and Jacob was making faces at him, sticking his tongue out at him, and mocking him for being too late. King Henry was too upset to argue any further, so he ran away. King Henry could hear the faint voice laughing hysterically, and yelling, "What's the matter! Are you running to your mommy?!" King Henry was frantically searching for another tub, but he realized that it is extremely rare, so he decided he would return to the tub after an hour, and see if the water was decent to take a bath. One hour, Arthur ran back to the tub, and looked inside. He could see no water, and there was a note at the bottom saying, 'Dear King Henry. I had a warm, relaxing, clean bath, and it was really wonderful. I had the suspicion that you would come back for a bath after me, so I took the liberty of taking a curved rock, and scooping all the water out so you wouldn't be able to bathe. Physically I am on my quest back to tend the castle, but spiritually I am here laughing and pointing my finger at you. I am very excited that I had the bath and you didn't! HA HA HA HA HA HA! - Sir Jacob - PS. The water was still somewhat clean when I came out, and I was cleaner than I had been in years'. King Henry was turning red now, and he ripped up the note as much as he could. This didn't stop his desperate search for a bath though. He decided he would eat the fruit on the trees, and sleep in the grass. He would was not going to return to his castle until he was bathed. Later that night, Henry found some wood, and started making a fire, and set up a sleeping spot. He brought some old beans from another night's feast, and decided to eat some that night. The next day, Henry found a small village, and he approached it. When he got there, he saw a building that said, 'Need a bath? You've come to the right place!' He ran into the shop, and said to the nearest merchant, "I need a bath!" The merchant laughed and said, "I beg your pardon? This is a bate shop, and we do not have a tub. I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do for you!" King Henry realized that the sign really said, 'Need some bate? You've come to the right place!' Henry decided that the only way he would get a bath is if he bought a bar of soap, and found a pond, river, dam, or whatever else was water supply. The only thing he could think of that is nearby is the 'Blacksmith River', but it was really contaminated with leftover metal, dirt, ash etc. Off in the distance, Henry saw a bearded man, and thought that it might be Sir Jacob. Henry angrily walked up to him, but he realized it was another man. Henry walked all over town hoping for a bath, but he could not find anything. Henry continued on his journey, and approached a castle off in the distance. When Henry arrived, he looked up and yelled for a guard. A young looking guard dressed in metal yelled down, "Who is this?" Henry yelled up, "This is King Henry from the Westground Castle about twelve miles from here! May I speak with your king?" The guard yelled, "Nobody gets to see the king, not even I get to see the king! I demand you leave at once, or I will throw some animals at you!" Henry was annoyed, so he yelled up, "I am very dirty! May I come in and bathe? My servants that supply our bath water haven't returned yet, and I need a bath!" The guard turned around, and Henry could hear a loud yelp. The guard came up to the balcony, and tossed a dog at him. The guard yelled, "Everybody, throw some cats and dogs at this intruder! AT ONCE!" Suddenly about twenty cats and dogs were being thrown at him at once every second, and Henry started to run. He had a hard time, because he was tripping over many animals, and the guards were yelling at him. Henry managed to escape to the point where the guards could not throw anything at him anymore. Suddenly a man on a horse met up with Henry, and said, "You are filthy! Come to my castle, and my servants shall give you a bath!" Henry was really excited, so he hopped on the horse with him. When they got to the castle, Henry ran to the door as fast as he could, because he could not tolerate being this filthy any more. When he got inside, he saw two large tubs in the distance. Henry ran as fast as he could and jumped into the tub of water at once. One hour later, Henry was clean, but his clothes were soaked, because he forgot to take his clothes off. When he got out, one of the servants said, "I see that you have forgotten to remove your clothes first. We cannot supply you with any clothes, but my wife can sew you a pair of underwear, and my son loves to make shoes, and can make them in less than six hours. Henry knew that he had clothes at his castle, and thought that it would be alright as long as nobody saw him walking to his castle. The next day, the servant's wife gave him underwear, and his son gave him a pair of shoes. King Henry gratefully left the castle, but once he stepped outside, one of the guards stared at him saying, "What's the matter with you? Did they give you the 'Emperor's clothes?' HA HA HA HA HA HA!" The guard was laughing so hard, he was rolling around on the ground. King Henry started running as fast as he could, hoping to make it to his castle before nightfall. He remembered that he had to pass through the small, active village halfway through Henry's path. Henry stopped running, so he could save energy for when he would sprint as fast as he could through the village. When Henry got to the village entrance, he bolted through the entrance. There were two baker carrying a pot of beans to the Village's Annual Medieval Feast, and Henry could see them in the distance. Henry was running so fast, and so recklessly, that he bumped one of the bakers, causing them to lose balance, and they threw the pot of beans up in the air, and the beans exploded all over the bakers. The party started yelling, "Hey! Underwear dude cost us our beans! HEY!" Henry realized that some of the angry village people were chasing him now. Henry was running too fast for them, however, and he managed to lose them. His endurance level was completely gone, so he fell face flat on the ground. Two hours later, when he came back to consciousness, he saw a large man standing above him. He was being treated in a house five miles from the village, and the man was feeding him soup. The man said, "Well, welcome! I am James! You looked awful, so I brought you here." King Henry replied, "I thank you very much. How exactly did you find me?" James replied, "Well, I was eating some soup and I observed a figure in the distance that I hadn't seen before, so I decided I would go and check it out. Then I saw you lying on your stomach, completely unconscious!" King Henry replied, "Thank you! I shall have one of my servants repay you when I get to my castle." James said, "I just have one question for you, why were you wearing only underwear and shoes?" King Henry explained the story to him, and left to continue his journey. When Henry stepped outside, he heard a familiar, irritating voice laughing and yelling, "Hello King Henry! Where are your clothes? You look clean! Did your mommy give you a bath? HA HA HA HA!" King Henry kept walking, avoiding a skirmish, and ignored everything that was said. Jacob, the man who Henry was ignoring said, "I think it is funny that I beat you to the bath tub! You should have seen the look on your face! It was hilarious! HA HA HA HA HA!" Henry kept ignoring him. Jacob said, "Stop being so reticent! You need to learn how to be a stand up guy! Stand up for yourself! You don't like being pointed at and laughed at, but you aren't doing anything about it! Come on! Do something!" Henry ran inside his castle, and locked Jacob out. Henry ordered one of his servants to tell Jacob to beat it, or else he would be arrested, and sent to the iron maiden. Henry put on some pajamas, and went to bed, because he was so exhausted. The next day Henry woke up, and unpleasantly saw Jacob having breakfast with his servants. Henry yelled at his servants, "I told you to tell him to leave!" The servant said, "I know, but he told a joke about you that was really funny! And I couldn't resist to let him in! Hey King Henry! Why did King Henry eagerly run to the Westmaiden Castle south of the small village? Because the emperor died, and you inherited his clothes!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Get it? The emperor's new clothes? That's you! HA HA HA HA HA HA!" King Henry became extremely irate, and he slammed his fist on the table and yelled, "Jacob! I demand that you leave the castle at once!" Jacob said, "What's the matter? Did you already misplace the emperor's clothes, and now you cannot find them anywhere? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" King Henry ran up to his bedroom, locked the door, and went back to bed, very upset. The next morning a band of soldiers entered the castle without permission, found Jacob, cuffed him, and brought him to Henry, who was working in his office. "King Henry, my name is Sir John, soldier of the Westmaiden Castle. We have captured Jacob, who is an escape prisoner. We apologize for the hard feelings." Jacob started yelling, "What? I am not the escape prisoner. My twin brother is the escape prisoner! My name is Jeremy! Have you heard? My twin brother Jacob has escaped the castle! HAVE YOU HEARD??!!!" The soldiers said, "That will be enough! Farewell King Henry!" Suddenly a large police officer entered the room and said, "That is enough monkey business! Stop pretending you are a king and get back to work! We have work to do!" Henry took off his robe, and put on his police uniform. Jacob took off his clothes, and put on his police uniform. The servants and soldiers took off their metal, and put on their postal uniforms. Suddenly Henry got a call on his cell phone, "Henry? Are my workers playing at your house again? Tell them they have work to do!" Henry got in his police car, and drove to the police station to work.