Hello and welcome to my home on the web. My name is Clyde Angus Lowrey Fowler and I was born in Wembley, Middlesex on September 7, 1985.
A lad named Mr. Van der Kvelk (relation to Jan Van der Kvelk unknown) taught me the piano. Back then, I had one of those toy organs with electric blower mechanisms. It's life soon ended as I tried to replace the mechanism with a hair dryer. Needless to say, it melted.
When I was in the Boy Brigade, I volunteered to help clean local phone booths in Nilford. Normally, I played the recorder. While cleaning in Nilford, I met an older gentleman named Donald Smalls from a company called SaniFone. As he gave me his business card, I asked him if he was related to Derek Smalls; he smiled and invited me into his red Ferrari. I arrived at his bungalow and rang Derek up. Much to my dismay, I got a taped message saying "Hello, this is Derek Smalls. If you are trying to reach me, I'm busy petting my snake (it's obvious what he was referring to!) but I'd gladly chat if you're a bird. Just wait for the...." Frustrated, I hang up and request that we go see him.
We arrive at his home on the East End. Donald knocks but there is no answer. He knocks again and there is no answer. Luckily, I had an axe with me at the time. I handed it to him and he swings it across the French glassed front door. CRASH, CRASH, CRASH!!! We head in and find him lying fast asleep in his bathtub.