When you notice people don't see the real you and you don't even know who that is yourself you're wondering what the fuck you actually are doing to yourself . . . . . . you wonder why you left and if being somewhere else solved the problem. it didn't. Because you never try to make things better for the future because you want to go back to the past. . . . . . You wish you could go back and live that awful life. Not only because you can't be yourself anywhere but because you love him. The days go by so fast. You notice each day you distance a little further. And you hate yourself for it so much. . . . . . But nothing changes and you don't know how to. So you want to go back. But is it really because of him, or is it because you want to finish what you started. I wonder about that everyday. . . . . . But all you really know is you can't live life like this. You need to know where you belong. And, no matter how much I try I can't hate him. I still love him even though our time as friends was short. It something about how he made me feel I belonged, and I was wanted. . . . . . I think I left my cure to this horrible disease to go bad. But does he still feel the same way? I doubt it...but i still see the glow in his eyes, and the way he looks at me and the way he listens to me speak makes me remember who I left behind. It only makes me love him more.		I tried so hard to smile. But people that truly know me see past that smile. I have a boring school life, I'm still not hu I wanna be, I'm not 100% me and not even 50% happy. And my only way to be happy is to have my cure. But if I lost my cure I'm doomed to this life. . . . . . I'm so unsure of myself. Wondering if I'm at least a little liked... well accepted. People just let me be in this class, but that's just the problem. People don't really care about me... and even when I'm upset nobody seems to give more than 10 seconds of there time which makes me madder. . . . . . I used to revolve my life around ppl, I don't want to any more. Now people think I'm being selfish because I used to give everything I have for nothing in return. I'm tired of using all my time on people's goody goody lives. Oh, because their lives suck so much, omfg! . . . . . They don't know even what close to miserable is. And when I need it most I start talking about my life they don't really care. I'm trapped. Alone, and nobody to help me. . . . . . I'm sorry I'm not like them. I just want to give my real self up and just be what they want me to be. I'll be the gangsta, popular bitch...but I'm so tired of being left out of everything just because I'm different, I'm not like them. But if I let themn I'll just repeat what happened last year, I'll be used and abused.
Menu	When I wake up the in the morning I rub my eyes and wish to go back to sleep. I think of how I'll repeat yesterday over again. I'll fake the smiles and the laughs and pretend I care about the things my friends talk about. Then I'll go to lunch and go outside to hang out with my evil twin and actually feel real for once, as if I transformed back into the person I really am. When I go back I finish off the boring day and frown about the thought of how when I get on the bus I won't talk to him. But then I see his face and suddenly I'll feel so alive that'll I forget my loneliness. I'll feel real and as always he'll listen to me talk to my friends ad look at me as if he misses me. I'm too scared to tell him, to scared to loose the cure I need, too afraid I'll loose everything that matters. But the whole smile of my day is thinking how he felt the same way and he'll never forget wha we had because we had needed each other... but we were too afraid of rejection... or no acceptance.	The Story What happened to me? I had always been the one left out, slightly hanging on to a group of friends. Then junior high started and one of my best friends was being a bitch and said really nasty things to me. We never spoke again. My class was a bunch of assholes who really hated me and my two best friends. No matter how hard we tried to get in the group nobody said anything to us. They just hated us. . . . . . But we were nice people so we were nice to them, and occansionally we were treated nicely. But for the most part we were the outcasts of the class trying to work ourselves in. But we were left out and used and abused and we got no where the whole year. Me and my best friend got our hearts broken by the guys we liked and we hit rock bottom. No one gave shit about us. . . . . . My true best friend had been starting to act like she didn't like me or something and it was clearly the worse time of my life. All me and my two friends had was each other. That brought me down even further and I was turned into such a quiet person to hide all of the feelings and pain I was going through. But then just when things couldn't get any worse there was a savior. . . . . . A boy who haven't noticed us before but had been a true friend to us lately. I liked him from the moment I saw him smile. Things went high from there, he made the days so much easier. But since I've turned into such a shy person, I found it kind of hard to talk to him... but we managed and I don't know if I could made it out of 6th grade without him. I owe him so much. . . . . . But my best friend was going to change classes and I couldn't manage a year without her, because my other friend was like talking to a wall. I had to leave that class. But... I didn't want to leave him. I was going to miss him. Alot. I loved him, and didn't want to leave. But I wouldn't be able to make it, and what if he didn't feel the same for me? I'd be dead by the end of the 7th grade. . . . . . So I left. I went to my "true best friend's" class who was really acting like a bitch, but that was cleared up by the end of Spetember. Her class is awesome. I'm doing a better job than last year that's for sure. But it breaks my heart to see him, and the way he still stares at me. Even though we have a lot of likeable boys in our class, I can't like any of them. I miss him. . . . . . We hang in there, but slowly fading away. I want to go back to him. I live with the regret of not telling him how I feel. After finding out he liked me last year, it only makes me want to go back.