$HOPPING THERAPY!!!
Yesteray was a very happy day! I got to go . . duh duh duh dah! SHOPPING!! At first it went pretty bad because everything I wanted to get was too big or too little. Nothing ever fits me right! Anyways, I got the new SLiPKnOT CD, Volume |||, The Subliminal Verses. It is awesome! I love the song Duality and Pulse of the Maggots is good too! I skipped around and was all happy. My grandma took me because she is the only person who gives a shit about me. I got some pretty clothes to wear to my cousins wedding. I went to the bathroom and I was joking and talking loud and laughing at my sister and there was a woman in there. I was being retarded and She kinda just looked at me like I was crazy. That was funny! I skipped all the way back to Grandmother and she said she didn't know me, which only made me do it more. Then I got on her nerves so I quit. We bought a bunsh of plants yesterday too, which made the car stink like fucking dirt! EWW!! It smelled awful!. Anyways, that's all for now, I have had a really fucking boring week!

Grounded is another word for dead
I have been grounded for about two weeks now. It seems like it's been forever and by the end of the summer it will have been forever. When your parents tell you you are grounded, it's like you are temporarily dead. You can't talk to or see your friends. You pretty much stay pent up in your room and your life seems to be going so slow that you wonder if you actually will be dead before this ends. Luckily, I have gotten a little off the hook lately and I have been a little perky.I am trying to make the best of this but you just couldn't understand what it is like to live in my house or how hard it is to follow my parents rules. I can't wait til the big 1 8!!! I hope to get out of here! I am leaving and not coming back for a while. Me and my best friend plan on getting a house together and living down in KY together. All of our friends are there, except some of my friends will be living here still. That will probably hurt them to move away, but I will come see them of course! ( Kia, Cara, Rachael, Travis! luv ya guys!) Anyways, My cuz got to stay with me and we watched some movies. I wish everyday could be like this. I just want to see and talk to my friends again. It just isn't fair. But life is never fair. Especially for me. I keep praying and praying to God to help me, but I guess I am just not worthy of help. Which I can definiately understand that. I haven't been the best person. But then again, who is?

Hurt
There is one more thing to this dad thing. He is threatining to kill himself. I don't know what to do. I am so lost in confusion. I feel like everything is just completely falling out from under me. He told my mother the only reason why he was here is for my little brother. To keep appearances with him. My little brother loves him SO SO much and if he kills himself, It will ruin everything. I need help. I think I am gonna have a psychotic breakdown. This is killing me. I hope all turns out for the best. Of course he will be back and make evrything look all goody goody and crawl back and mom will take him in so he won't kill himself. That would be the only reason, because they don't love each other. It's just like last summer all over again. That was the worst time of my life. I hated my mom, my grandparents, my dad, my sister and brother. I would lash out into sudden anger fits and I became incontrollable. I was crazy and abusive to everyone. I had to go to a doctor for help, and I hated. I had nothing wrong with me and everybody else needed help, not me. I never got over that. I still have an anger problem and I a get depressed alot. I have learned to live with it. It's really hard to live the life I have. I garauntee most of you have a way better life than me. I hope you never have to feel this pain. Cause I know me and my dad hate each other most of the time, but he would ruin our lives if he died. Especially if it were suicude.

The Angels are singing!
Man, I am so excited! My parents got in a big fight! I am actually really happy because for the first time ever my mom stood up to my asshole father and flat out told him to leave. When he didn't, she put up a fearless fight. GO MOM! I swear, dad thinks he is Mr. Big Shot tough scary man. He puts on a good show at church, and even if he did have good intentions and feelings, He still let's his ego and his anger overpower him.It's safe to say now, that everything will probably get worse and he will come crawling back with big tears and plans in his poor little heart and turn around and treat us like shit. That's how it was the first time. Now everything is just gonna be blissful and happy from here on out.< or at least until he comes back!> He is such a fucking asshole, I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!!!! Well, I am done dissing my dad now!

One Big Happy Family < Yea, right!>
Today I learned a valueable lesson. If you get in a fight with a family member who already hates you, chances are they are gonna make your life a living Hell! So don't piss them off!! I went to see my lil sis today. She's with my grandma right now. Of course, they went shopping together and she was showing it off. She rubs her close relationship with grandmother in my face because, me and my grandmother just don't get along. AT ALL! The other day we had a fight about < Of course it was stupid shit> DISHES!!! She got all pissed off and left. I stayed in my room until like 9 o clock. And as soon as I walked into her house today, We immediately got into it. It is her fucking fault that I went mental last summer and I would like to not go through it again. Of course, it never really went away so what am I saying, I can't happen again because it already is happening. I just wish I'd go braindead right now so my mind would close up and shrivel. Life is just really stupid right now. I have lost my life. If I had one, I wouldn't be here typing this! Sorry, I am not meaning anything bad toward any of you. I am a bitch so if I get bitchy, just tell me in my guest book, I don't care to hear the truth.

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Best Friends and being grounded
My best friend, Brandi Castle, moved away from me last year. We talk on the phone alot and sometimes I get to go visit her. I always stay in trouble though so naturally I get grounded < again> and can't talk to her or see her. I didn't talk to her for days. See, Brandi has a new boyfriend and when she talks about them all the time and I get jealous because, well I don't have boyfriends. I always have some guy I friend I start making out with or getting really close to, but it never works as a dating thing so we just stay friends. So anways, I figured she would forget about me anyways, I mean, she has a life < I most certainly don't, at least not one worth talking about> But oddly enough, she keeps calling my house and dad is like < She's grounded, she can't talk > Dad started to get frustrated. They take the phones to bed with them at night so I won't talk on the phone. Brandi calls every night at around midnight, hoping I'd be up. I had the chance to talk to her, but I was trying to be a good girl. Last night, dad forgot a phone. So I just waited a really long time. I thought about calling her back. I knew she already called twice that night. So I decided I would Cause I wanted to talk to her really bad. So I did, I figured she would be on the phone with her boyfriend and wouldn't want to talk to me right then < as usually happens> She answered the phone. When I said Hey!, she freaked out and was so excited. She got off the line with her boyfriend for me and she was so happy. At that moment I realized how much she really does love me. We are like sisters. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm not as good as she is and she can make me feel beneath her sometimes. She's so Wonderful, I don't know how I ever got a best friend like her. I called her boyfriend on three way and he said that he is glad I finally got back on the fucking phone because Brandi talks about me 24/7 that's all she talks about! Jonathan < her boyfriend> will be talking about something and Brandi will not even be listening cause she suddenly starts talking about me. I now know that My best friend loves me. Do any of you have a gap in your friendship? I did and Getting grounded < which I would like to die now> showed me how much My best friend cared about me. So maybe this little perdicament isn't so bad.

My new blog
I don't know why the hell I even did this, I guess I just like to show all my favorite musicians and my comments to the public. It definiately is not finished right now

Posted by rock3/lil_punk_devil at 6:55 PM
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