Deep within the chasm of my tortured soul
I feel the fire burn within me
Lights the path which I know walk on
A tiny flame to light the way

I take on my nearly endless journey
Wondering when I will be free
Free from all of the chains which bind me
Before my light begins to fade away

"Freedom" ~ J.D. Rau

I Am Finally Free

From deep within the very heart of darkness, I fought my way back into the light. It was a struggle that would have destroyed any lesser of a man. It would have broken down his very psyche, until all that was left was a tiny shell...a rememinder of what he once was, left to rot, eventually turn to dust, and become lost forever in the swirling wind. But alas, not I. After what I've endured in my twenty-five years on this earth, not even my descension into the very depths of Hell could keep me down forever. I sat there, at the right hand of Satan, as he readied the fire to burn me for the rest of eternity. Then, one sudden and fierce cry released me from my death-like slumber. I could envision myself, healthy, once again enjoying life...and this vision of myself beckoned to me from above. He cried out for me, and offered me his hand to pull me out of the chasm which I lay in. However, it was not an easy journey, no. It took much work, much effort to piece together the mind, body, and soul that had been so ruthlessly shattered by the woman I loved. Yet it was this, the woman I loved, that pushed me forward throughout. I could do nothing to get her out of my mind. Something in me still loved her more deeply than one can fathom...and that same part understood that she felt the exact same way for me. Yet there was some reason, for me, an unknown one, that she had crushed my very being on that day. Oh how I tore myself to pieces trying to discover what it was that had caused her to act the way she had. Suddenly, like a bullet tearing through my flesh, it hit me. I looked around, still entrenched by darkness...still bound to the stake in the ground, pulling at my chain in an attempt to set myself free. It was that very darkness in which I was nearly entombed that had caused the woman whom I loved more than life itself to walk out the door without a second thought. Why it took me so long to realize this, I may never know. Perhaps it is the same as the heroin issue...I saw only after the fact how much I was hurting her. For the period of time before she left, I was not myself. I was hardly enough of myself to be considered a shell. The dealings with my past, my dreams of visits from my father, and dreams of perhaps losing the only thing that I ever cared about drove me to madness. Yet it was not at all like any madness that I had ever experienced before, no. It was a madness that weakened me, drove me down in the dirt, for the fear of losing Blaise caused me crippling pain. I became less and less of myself, while also becoming more frantic and irrational, always afraid that I would somehow lose her. My confidence, my personal and emotional strength, all gone. All of it had been replaced by a broken shadow of a once glorious man. Blaise knew this. All that she had once fallen in love with had all but faded away. Recognizing the problem, Blaise made a move that was sheer brilliance, be it intentional or unintentional. She left me in a most crushing manner. Whether it was because she could no longer stand to be with me, or because she wanted to snap me out of it just as she had to get me to stop using heroin, I will never know. Knowing Blaise, though, I would most certainly not be surprised were it the latter. Whatever the case may have been, and whatever her ruse may have been, it worked in spades. It was not an easy journey, however. All the while, I fought off the dire urge to end my life. The pain of Blaise leaving me again, at a time when I was the least ready to deal with such a tribulation emiotionally, was a deathblow of sorts. It had struck me right at the very base of my nerves, rendering me immobile under the intense weight of its reality. There was a period of time during which I was naught more than a wraith. I lay in my bed in a cold sweat, looking at my ceiling, my eyes wide and bloodshot with the wear of my insomnia. Although my state could be compared to sleep, that was certainly not the case. I would lie awake, my mind fluttering in an uncontrollable vortex, searching for the answer...yet all the while pushing me, trying to edge me out of my bed to find my gun...making attempt after hollow attempt to try to convince myself to put me out of my own God damn misery. Something inside prevailed. In my trance-like, almost meditative state, I scoured long and hard to find out just what it was that had to be done. In hindsight, I know not what it is that took me so long to find the answer. Perhaps the impact of what was going on around me had clouded my mind at the point, yet the clarity of my mind at this moment, make for that sharp contrast. I guess that the old adage proves true, and hindsight is twenty-twenty. Oh well. Just as I had hit my lowest point, that is when the answer came to me. Like a bullet tearing through the flesh, it hit me. I now understood exactly what it was that had gone wrong. Now how do I go about fixing all the wrong I've done? That, it seemed, would prove to be the ultimate quandary. Since it had been so effective in aiding me in the discovery of the root of my problems, I decided that the best way to go about solving the second part of the equation would be to remain in my meditative state. For six days, my mind constantly turned and turned in search of some sign of hope. Then, on the seventh day, I awoke from my conscious slumber, my insomniac coma, with the solution to all that plagued me. I knew it would not be easy, yet I knew that it was something that could be attained. What it was that I saw when I was in the very depths of the black hole that had become my mind I have revealed to no one until now. I saw things no man or woman should have to endure. I saw the true darkness that lies in the hearts of all human beings, as if all of it were concentrated in keeping me down. I saw what it was to be held in the very throes of depression, and I saw people being torn to shreds by the meathooks of the insanity that it had come to bring. However, it was in this darkness that my path back into the light was revealed to me. And so my ascent to return to the light began. As I had stated before, over time, I had become less and less of myself. I had weakened. It was a result of all of the things going on around me, my own insecurities, and my emotional instabilities, and they had altered my state of mind greatly. I had become so weak that I needed Blaise at my side twenty-four hours a day in order to simply feel safe. And in this, my paranoia rose to meteoric heights. It was because of this that Blaise simply refused to put up with me anymore. So she left me in such a painful fashion. With this in mind, I knew what I had to change. I had to once again become the man that Blaise had fallen in love with. Do not be mistaken, the man with whom Blaise had fallen in love was in fact John Daniels. It was me that she loved, through and through. However, with me in my strange, altered state of mind, I most certainly wasn't myself. It was that which required the changing. I needed to search deep within my soul and discover myself once again. Once again, I lay upon my bed for six days, searching within my own mind, and my own soul. It was again on that seventh day that my quest ended. On that seventh day, I had a rebirth of sorts. It was a rebirth in the respect that my old self, the John Daniels that I once was, had died, to be replaced with an emotional wreckage of a human being. Now, the emotional wreckage had been cleared away. I was once again the man that Blaise loved. Knowing this, I went to her once more, showing her just how much I had changed. Yet somehow, in changing, I was remaining the same...after all, I was simply becoming myself again, was I not? Upon my first visit to her since leaving me, she recognized right away that I had indeed returned. I was myself again. The confident, strong, loving man that she had once fallen in love with had returned to her. Also returning to her was the one man with the same mind set as her own. It was the one man who could aid her in her every desire. On that seventh day, I returned. On that seventh day, I was once again...PowerHouse.

The Motha Fuckin' Franchise Has Returned...

The light is so bright it nearly blinds the naked eye. However, it brings with it's light a warmth that pierces one to the soul. Basking in the light and warmth is the man known to some as John Daniels, known to many as PowerHouse. For so long, Daniels found himself unable to partake in such simple pleasures as standing out in the bright sunlight. For longer still, Daniels tried his best to stay away from the light, allowing depression to consume his soul, to the point that all he could withstand was darkness. No longer is he a slave to the darkness, though. Recently rediscovered, the man known as PowerHouse has returned to the way that he once lived, by doing just that...living. Only mere months, he had allowed his fears and emotions to consume him to the point that he would no longer allow himself to go about his daily life. Becoming nearly a recluse with the exception of Blaise's presence. That presence soon faded away, as even Blaise recognized the true problems lying behind Daniels' disheartened eyes. Such is no longer the case now, as Daniels looks out upon his neighborhood from the deck of his Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania home. Wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts, he scans all around him, then looks up towards the sun, taking a sip from the glass of orange juice in his hand. As he stands looking off into the distance, Daniels reflects on all that has happened to him recently. Thoughts of how lucky he is to be alive. Most importantly, he realizes how lucky he is to once again know Blaise's love. Also, he realizes how lucky he is to simply be him.

"God damn, it's good to be me."

See what I mean? Daniels goes back to drinking his orange juice and taking in his surroundings in broad daylight for the first time in what seems like an eternity. He seems almost captivated with the sheer beauty that the sun can present. Several minutes go by, as Daniels finishes his glass of orange juice. Within a minute of finishing his drink, he begins to zone out, once again staring off into space, deep in thought. Suddenly, he is awoken with a slight start, as he hears the sliding glass door open behind him, and the sound of footsteps on the deck behind him. Sure enough, Blaise Martelle, has stepped out onto the deck. Daniels continues to look off into the distance, as Blaise walks up behind him and puts her arms around him.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning, John. How're you feeling?"

"I'm feeling a whole lot better. It's good to feel the sun hitting my face again. It's been a long time, you know."

"Yes. But some things never change. That bed is just as comfortable as it ever way."

"Why do you think I was able to just lay there for two weeks? If it weren't so comfortable I would have gotten up more often. As it was, I had no need to leave. Shit it's nice to leave those fuckin' days behind. I spent way too much fuckin' time bein' a whiny God damn pussy. Lookin' back I can see why you couldn't put up with me."

"Well it isn't like I didn't try. I love you John, really, I did. But it was just like the heroin deal...I could stand to see you like that, and I couldn't allow myself to be dragged down by what it was that you were turning into."

"Babe, you don't have to explain yourself. I'm the one who fucked up, not you. I needed the wake-up call that you gave me, and I'm fuckin' glad you did it. Otherwise who fuckin' knows what could've happened. All in all I'm just fuckin' happy to be myself and sane again. Well, I guess I can't really say I was too fuckin' sane to begin with."

"Well, I can definitely tell you're back to your old self again. Especially due to your language."

"I told you Blaise, I'm fuckin' tryin' to cut back, but that's just the fuckin' way I am, you know?"

"*laughs* I'm not asking for you to cut back on swearing, just pointing out that you're doing it constantly like you used to. You even said fuck twice while telling me you're gonna try and cut back."

"Awe, fuck it, I guess that really is one thing that will probably never fuckin' change."

"It doesn't matter...I love you just the way you are."

Blaise turns Daniels around to kiss him, but just before she kisses him, she notices the camera crew for the first time, and stops.

"John..."

"Yes?"

"The uh...camera crew is here."

"This I can see."

"Why are they here, John? I thought I tried to tell you that I didn't want them invading our 'alone' time."

"Yeah, I guess I kinda called them up and told them to come over so I could say my fuckin' piece about shit that's goin' on and whatnot. I told them to come early so that we'd be done before you woke up, but I guess you're kind of awake already."

"Well when I wake up and notice that you're not beside me, and it's only ten in the morning, I do get curious as to what you're doing, seeing as I've never known you to get out of bed before around three in the afternoon."

"I really need to plan these fuckin' things a little better, huh?"

"Eh, you'll work on it. For now just say whatever the Hell it is you have to say and then come on inside. I'll make us some breakfast."

"All right. I won't be long."

Blaise kisses Daniels on the lips, then turns around and walks back inside of the house. When she closes the sliding door behind her, Daniels turns and faces the camera.

"Well...well...well. It's been a long mother fuckin' time since I've done one like this, no? All those times where you guys would just come and fuckin' record me doin' stupid shit like talkin' to Blaise or Travis or somethin'. I'd never talk about anything that was the least bit fuckin' important, I'd just talk. But for some reason you fuckers just kept comin'. Well, now you guys get your big fuckin' payoff. PowerHouse has finally come back, and I've come back to show you fucks just how it's done."

Daniels reaches onto the ledge of his deck, and grabs the pack of Marlboros sitting there, along with a lighter. He lights up a smoke, and takes a drag before continuing.

"Yeah, I know, Blaise is tryin' to get me to quit these fuckin' things, but I'm workin' on it, all right? So anyways, what the fuck are you guys here for anyways? You wanna here me talk about shit that's goin' on, huh? Well I might as well fuckin' oblige you just to keep all the God damn sheep happy. I'm sure they're just tickled fuckin' pink to get to see a fuckin' PowerHouse promo again. Of course, I do it like no one else can, right? I'm the fuckin' best at everything for a reason, I suppose. First I suppose I'll start off with recent events and whatnot. Anyone object? I didn't fuckin' think so. So after a little over a month of bein' on hiatus, the one and only has returned to his old stomping grounds. I bet all of you fucks were so happy to see poor old John Daniels get shut the fuck down by his girlfriend and then watch him sink away into his own fucked up life, waitin' for him to die again. That's what you all wanted, didn't you? You all wanted me to fucking overdose again, just like I did before. Shit, Blaise leaving me would be reason enough, wouldn't it. But I'm not gonna let you monkeys have the satisfaction of me goin' away, oh no. So after my little stint with soul-searching, I finally found myself. Oh did I ever find myself. I found that the person inside of me is, was, and always fuckin' will be PowerHouse...it was just a matter of bringin' that out once again. I think it's safe to say that I managed to pull that off quite well, don't you? So it's now that all of you get to witness the six, six, six time World Heavyweight Champion make an example of all the little bastards that've been runnin' around here in the IWF like they fuckin' mean somethin'. There has never been a point in my career that I haven't been on top, and so right now ain't gonna be any different. I know that soon enough, just cuz it's me, those titles are gonna come to me just like they always do. Now, I'd like to say I'm startin' off my return in a big way...but then I'd be lyin' to all of you good people out there, and that just wouldn't be very nice of me, now would it? Yeah, that's right, this week I've got the missing link himself, Pure Hell. With the level of intelligence that this man gives off, one could easily mistake him for a shaven chimp. I'm not tryin' to say he's stupid or anything...just sayin' that it's obvious that Hooked on Phonics didn't work for him, okay? He fits into that demographic that thinks Jerry Springer is good, quality television, and believes that reading and bathing would take too much time out of his busy schedule of jerking off and watching television. A lotta people would probably question if I'll be quite up to my usual level, cuz I was on a bit of a downward slide near the end of my last run due to my problems, and now with the time off, I've probably got rust and all of that. Fuck that! This is PowerHouse you're talkin' about! Besides, this match is against fuckin' Pure Hell. What in the name of fuck do I have to worry about against this fucking waste of space? For fuck's sake, he isn't even worth the space he fucking wastes! The way I see it, it ain't even gonna be ten seconds before I kick his teeth all the way to Hong Kong, pin his ass in the middle of that ring, and head on back home to spend some quality time with Blaise. So Pure Hell, put down your fuckin' Dr. Suess books, cuz this week, you're gonna get some real schoolin' from your's truly. The Franchise is back...peace out mother fucker!"

Daniels walks over, opens the sliding glass door, and walks into his house. The scene fades to black.