A Spaniard in the Works
THE FAT BUDGIE
I have a little budgie
He is my very pal
I take him walks in Britain
I hope I always shall.
I call my budgie Jeffrey
My grandads name's the same
I call him after grandad
Who had a feathered brain.
Some people don't like budgies
The little yellow brats
They eat them up for breakfast
Or give them to their cats.
My uncle ate a budgie
It was so fat and fair.
I cried and called him Ronnie
He didn't seem to care
Although his name was Arthur
It didn't mean a thing.
He went into a petshop
And ate up everything.
The doctors looked inside him,
To see what they could do,
But he had been too greedy
And died just like a zoo.
My Jeffrey chirps and twitters
When I walk into the room,
I make him scrambled egg on toast
And feed him with a spoon.
He sings like other budgies
But only when in trim
But most of all on Sunday
Thats when I plug him in.
He flies about the room sometimes
And sits upon my bed
And if he's really happy
He does it on my head.
He's on a diet now you know
From eating ear too much
They say if he gets fatter
He'll have to wear a crutch.
It would be funny wouldn't it
A budgie on a stick
Imagine all the people*
Laughing til they're sick.
So that's my budgie Jeffrey
Fat and yellow too
I love him more than daddie
And I'm only thirty-two.
*Ironic, no?
SNORE WIFE AND SOME SEVERAL DWARTS
Once upon upon in a dizney far away - say three hundred year agoal if you like-there lived in a sneaky forest some several dwarts or cretins; all named - Sleezy, Grumpty, Sneeky, Dog, Smirkey, Alice? Derick - and Wimpey. Anyway they all dug about in a diamond mind, which was rich beyond compere. Every day when they came hulme from wirk, they would sing a song - just like ordinary wirkers - the song went something like - 'Yo, ho! Yo, ho! it's off to wirk we go!' - which is silly really considerable they were comeing hulme. (Perhaps ther was slight housework to be do.)
One day howitzer they (Dwarts) arrived home, at aprodestant six o'cloth, and who? - who do they find? - but only Snore Wife, asleep in Grumpty's bed. He didn't seem to mine. 'Sambody's been feeding my porrage!' screams Wimpey, who was wearing a light blue pullover. Meanwife in a grand Carstle, not so a mile away, a womand is looging in her daily mirror shouting, 'Mirror mirror on the wall, whom is de fairy in the land.' which doesn't even rhyme. 'Cassandle!' answers the mirror. 'Chirsh O'Malley' studders the womand who appears to be a Queen or a witch or an acorn.