(This is a dream I had one night. Probably a product of wishful thinking and I don’t claim to have any ‘psychic gifts’. But it brought me the most peaceful feeling, so I wanted to share it.)

I sat looking around, not really knowing how I got where I was. There was a party going on and people were all over the back lawn. I looked to my right and saw Rick telling a joke to Joe and Vivian. It was obviously at Phil’s expense, because Phil stood off to the side, just shaking his head. Sav sat to my left, staring into the distance, looking like sorrow had consumed him. I turned to look at the house as I leaned against the picnic table and that’s when I saw him. His smile was so boyish and genuine, so full of life that I almost didn’t recognize him. He gave a warm rich chuckle as he realized my dilemma.

“Yes, luv, it’s really me,” he said softly, the smile never leaving his lips. I looked away and saw Vivian again, then looked back at him. “But, how?”

“Call it magic,” he said quietly.

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I questioned.

“What makes you say that, luv?” he asked.

“Because, well, you and Vivian can’t be here at the same time!” I whispered, afraid he would vanish if my mind comprehended the mistake it had made.

“Ah, in this place, we can. I like to keep an eye on the lads, you see,” he said, his smile growing wider. Then he suddenly turned somber. “In the beginning, the first year or so, it was very hard. Every tear they shed for me was like a dagger pricking at me til I wanted to scream at them. I just wanted them to wake up and see I was better off! Nothing hurt me anymore but their grief. But as they healed, that went away as well.”

“You’ve been with them this whole time?” I asked, filled with wonder at the thought.

“Of course! Through their low times, I was right by them.” He got up from the edge of the porch and walked over to the group of four standing to her right. “Through their divorces, when they watched the women they’d given their lives to leave. Rick’s battles with the same bottle that killed me.” He came to stand next to Phil. “When Phil nearly collapsed and gave up because of what I’d done.” He gave Phil a fond smile and then turned to Sav. He walked over and knelt beside him. “I stood right by him the first time he looked into a mirror after the Bell’s Palsy hit and later when he couldn’t take anymore of life with Dara. But I was there for the good times too. Like the first time he held Tyler or when Rick first held Lauren. When Phil taught Rory to play soccer and when Joe met Bobbi. From their excitement over Slang to the disappointment at how it was received.” He sighed and smile up at me. “I’ve seen it all and I’m proud of all they’ve done.”

“What’s wrong with Sav?” I asked quietly. “He always looks so sad nowadays.”

“He’s still got demons to battle, but at least his are real and not in his mind. I’m sure you know how both of those go,” he said as he rose and walked back over to the porch.

“What about you? Are you still fighting yours?” I asked.

“No, I’m happy now. I’ve never been better, actually.....”

At just that moment, as he smiled at me, something disturbed my slumber. I fought to stay with him, knowing this chance might never come again, but the noise was insistent. As I got up to answer the knocking at the door, I could still see him smiling at me. And though most of the images from that dream have faded over the course of the day, as I write this, I can still see him smiling at me when I close my eyes.