Dead Baby, Dirty, and Racist Jokes and a sexy Guns N' Roses pic

If you easily offended, I recommend that you do not read this page. I think these jokes are hilarious, but most people don't, so you may want to just leave now. But if you love vulgar and violent jokes, than you are certainly at the right page! If you have any violent or dirty jokes email them to me and if they make me laugh I'll add them to this page. {Thank you Steve for providing me with all the wonderful dead baby jokes!}

Dead Baby Jokes

What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion
What do you call abortions in a bucket? Blood brothers
What goes plop plop fizz fizz? Twins in an acid bath
Why do doctor's boil water at a brith? So they can make soup if it dies.
What's black, bubbling, and clawing at the door? A baby in a microwave
Why did the dead baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chickens back
What is small, red, and full of holes? A baby on a bed of nails
What's grosser (and more fun) that nailing a baby to a post? Pulling it off
What's pink, red, and goes vrrrr squelch vrrrr? A baby with a power drill in it's mouth
What's black, yellow, and silver and bangs in to walls? A baby with forks in its eyes covered in wasps
What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan
Whats pink and silver and cant fit through doors? - A baby with a javalin through it's head
Whats pink and blue and thrashes about in the floor? - A baby in a celophane bag
Whats pink, black and fizzles? - a baby with its fingers in an electrical outlet
Whats pink red and gurgles? - A baby munching on razor blades
Whats more fun then spinning a baby on a clothesline? Stopping it with a baseball bat
Whats worse then a dead baby? A plie of dead babies ... what's worse than that? there's a live one at the bottom ... what's worse than that? he had to eat his way out ... what's worse than that? he went back for seconds
what's worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can? One dead baby in ten garbage cans
Whats worse then tying babies to your car tires and pulling skids? Picking the bits out with a cocktail stick.
Whats red and pink and sits infront of a mirror getting smaller and smaller? A baby using a potato peeler as a comb
Whats pink and red and goes round knocing on a window? A baby in a microwave
Whats green and white and goes round? the same baby 3 weeks later
Why should you unload dead babies with a pitch fork? so you can tell if you hit a live one
How can you tell if you've hit a live one? the pitch fork shakes

Dead Baby and Other Dirty Jokes

What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive? Popeye kicked his ass
Whats blue and fucks grannies? Hypothermia
Whats more fun then nailing a baby to a tree? pulling it off
How do you get 1,000 babies in a mini? with a blender
How do you gety them out? with a straw
What goes round in circles and is pink and red and screams? A baby with it's foot nailed to the floor
How do you know when a baby is dead? It doesn't object when you nail its feet to the celing
Whats got 3 legs and 2 arms? My pet Dobeman on a school field
What do you get it you pull both arms and a leg of a baby? A novelty ping pong bat
Whats red and purple and covered in puss that screams? A peeled baby in a bag of salt
How do you stop a baby from drowning? harpoon it
Whats yellow and blue and lives at the bottom of a swimming pool? a baby with its water wings slashed
How do you make a dead baby float? 2 scoops of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby in soda.
How do you make a dead baby float? take your foot off its head
whats white and red and bounces up and down at 80mph? a baby tied to the back of a truck.
How do you get 10 babies into a suitcase? a chainsaw
What's 9 inches long, stiff and makes a woman scream in the morning? crib death
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? - She had no arms.
Why should you put a baby in a blender 'feet first'? - So you can see the expression on its face.
What's black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? it depends on how hard you squeeze them
What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? you can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork
What's funnier than a dead baby? a dead baby in a clown costume
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.

Racist Jokes (no offense, but these are really funny!) note how un-mean I am by not using the 'n-word', and I don't mean these literally, I have Mexican and Black friends... and not just the ones hanging from trees and working in my sweat shops... j/k)

How do you stop a black guy from drowning? Take your foot off his head
I am a white chick and don't really enjoy these black jokes cause i have one in my family tree.....He's been hagging there for 4 months!!!
What do u do when a black guy with a half head is running at u? stop laughing and reload
how do you get a black person out of a tree...? cut the rope
Why don't Mexican and Black people have kids? Because their kids would be too lazy to steal.
What do you call a barn full of old black people? antique farming equipment
What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your...TV floating? drop it n****r
What is the most confusing day in Harlem? Father's day
how many people does it take to carry a mexican coffin? there are only two handles on a garbage can....
if you call an american in a cadilac white power and a black man in a cadilac black power what about a mexican in a cadilac? grand theft auto
what do black families do for daughters 13th birthday? throw a baby shower
How do you starve a black man? Hide his food stamps under his work boots!
Whats the difference between a pizza and a black man? A pizza can feed a family of four!
why dont mexicans use checks? they can't sign their names with spray paint
What is black, long, and smelly? the unemployment line
There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A White family lives on the top floor. A Mexican family lives on the second floor A black family lives on the bottom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived? The White family because both parents were at work and the kids were in school
Why don't you throw stones at a black guy's car? It's probably yours
what do you call a black guy getting throw off a boat into the sea? pollution .....................what do you call 100 black guy's getting thrown off a boat to the sea? solution!
What's an Australian kiss? Something like a French kiss but down under.
How do you hide a black guy? Poke his eyes out and smash his teeth in, then throw him down a mine.
3 blacks walked into a building. You would have though one of them would have seen it.
What happens every time a n****r gets an abortion? Crime Stoppers sends her a check for $500.
A ship sinks and the only survivors are a Russian, a Jamaican, a skinhead and a n****r. At sea for days, they finally come within sight of land. The Russian opens a hidden bottle of Stoli vodka, takes one swig and throws the remainder of the bottle into the water much to the other passengers dismay. The Russian explains that where he comes from, there is plenty of Stoli, it is worth nothing and means nothing. The Jamaican then proceeds to light a huge blunt, takes one hit, and then throw the remainder to sea explaining, 'Mon, in my country we have plenty of marijuana, it is worth nothing, means nothing.' So then the White man from New Jersey throws the n****r into the water!
Why does California have so many fags and New York have so many n****rs? California got first choice