Q&A With Steven Tyler

Details: You grew up in Boston. How did that affect Aerosmith?

ST: The Boston sound was drenched in cold-ass winters and beer-barrel summers. You know Animal House? My band played Bones Gate at Dartmouth- That was Animal House. I'm the guy that sat under the keg for laughs. We smoked DMT-a drug that made LSD look stupid.Boston's a college town, so the music reeked of We dont have enough money to pay our rent, and blues, and pot. I walk into a bar now and smell stale beer; and (inhales deeply) I love that. Rock is all about smells, and places that we lived, and what we had to go through. That's what Boston was for me. Now people say it's about Aerosmith.

Details: You wrote a lot of hits during your drug years. Is it hard to write sober now?

ST: If it's hard, I just pretend.(Fakes a hit on a joint) We pass this imaginary joint around and then I go into outer space. Its funny- When you get sober, It's like " dont talk about drugs." Fuck You. I had a great time, and wrote great songs on drugs. I just can't do them now because it damn near killed me.

Details: Why did you agree to cut " I dont want to miss a thing" for Armageddon?

ST: You mean "I dont want to kiss your thing"?( Laughs) To be honest, because my daughter is in this movie. Details: Was it odd seeing Ben Affleck pawing Liv on-screen? ST: No. I mean, she's 21- she's a fox. Every guy I meet thats of the X generation says, " Hey, can I have your daughter's phone number?"

Details: Have you been following electronica?

ST: I love it- it's got balls and groove. I used to listen to... um, Klockhausen?

Details: Stockhausen.

ST: Right. In the village. I used to bump into, um, um..."Weasles ripped my flesh"...

Details: Frank Zappa?

ST: Zappa. He was going through the classical section, and I looking for Stockhausen. Keith [Richards] would smack me for this, because rock n' roll needs more tradion, more Chuck Berry. But I couldn't help it. At 11 I tasted cheeseburgers, but at 14 I had my first bite of cavier, and then at 16 it was pussy. The 3 M's : music, money, and mmm-mmm pussy.

Details: Have there been any weird Aerosmith covers, lounge versions of Dream On?

ST: No. But there will be, as soon as the plane goes down.(laughs)

Details: Her are some people who share your birthday: James Caan, Leeza Gibbons, Teddy Pendergrass, Diana Ross, Martin Short, and Mr. Spock. Which do you have the most in common with?

ST: Diana Ross, because (sings) We both soul sistas. NObody knows I'm a lesbian. And Spock, because it's got to be totally logical or else I cant go into it.

Details: As a hard rock singer for more than 25 years, do you have an offical positon on implants?

ST: Bolt-ons? Dagnabbit, call a spade a spade. I've met so many girls- "Here, feel these, they're brand new." You grab 'em and their like Bolt-ons- really hard. It's like anything: It's got to be just right.

Details: What do you do when fans follow you?

ST: I don't have a problem until I walk into the men's room and get followed by these jerks. That's when I whip out the 8 inch rubber John Holmes model cock I carry. I don't always carry it. They come in and go, " I dont want to bother you but..." And I just turn around and drop the rubber dick and they go running. (laughs)

Details: What would it take for you to cut your hair?

ST: A part in a movie, or quitting this band.

Details: Describe your funeral.

ST: Some kind of Bourbon Street celebration. I left a lot of people in the dust- some I'm happy I did, others I'm sad how it turned out. But for all the dust I ate, I spit it out and marched on. I'd want it to be happy, partying ( hums "Sweet Georgia Brown") And then I want my ashes spead all over the beach. So even after I'm dead I'm still gonna get in girls' pants.