These are my thoughts on life and the way things are. Sometimes I think that life sucks so bad that I wanna scream and then run to find a gun and cap myself in the head. Then, the next day I'll find out some great news (like the other day)and I'll be so happy about life that I'd never think about doing anything to fuck it up. Then the next day I'll be depressed again. Oh well, I say fuck it. I'll live my life the way I wanna live it and not let some asshole think they can make my decisions for me.
Most of the time, I love my life. I think that in the current situation I'm in, things probably couldn't be better. I have a great family and I love them all very much. I think that I'm falling in love with an awesome girl. I don't think that anything could be better unless if I won the million dollar sweepstakes. Life is pretty good, but there's always those occasions when something bad happens and I wish that I could crawl under a rock and disappear. Thats when I just wait and hope that something good will happen so that I'll snap out of it. I think that the most depressing time in my life was either when my parents split up or when my brother got his neck broken in a car accident. The days after that I just kinda sat in my room and did shit, I just sat there and felt sorry for myself. I didn't even think about what happened to my brother. Never even considered the durastic change that my parents were going through. I was just being a selfish little bitch.
I've always wanted to be an author. Since I read my first book (Goosebumps : Welcome to Horrorland) when I was in 3rd grade. But that time of depression really increased my passion. Writing is an art. I've always wanted to be known as an artist, since as long as I can remember. I had always been writing, ever since 1st grade, when I attempted to write a novelization of Conan the Barbarian (which really blew), but for some reason, I always seem to write so much better when I'm depressed. Whenever I have writers block and just can't seem to think of an idea, I listen to one song that always, no matter what, manages to depress me. Adam's Song by Blink 182. I know that I listen to all the metal but that song just says something to me, like "Hey! Get your ass up and write!" So I do. And I'll end up finishing a story (something that I rarley do when I'm in a good mood). The story that I'm writing now was spawned a very bad fit of depression in which I really like this girl and she kinda hated me, but that was a year ago, I just started thinking about it too much and BAM! I was depressed and BAM! I had a great story in mind. Its been the making for like 4 weeks now, and hopefully I'll have it available soon.
You wanna know something that really pisses me off? All these damn school shootings. What the fuck is the point of 'em? All it is a few morons who can't deal with their problems without a gun. I mean, could those two at Columbine not have just sat and sulked all of their lives instead of shooting other people? If they would have actually tried to talk to other people, I'll bet that they would have made some friends, and they wouldn't have done that stupid shit that they did. And what the hell happened to those great fist fights? No weapons, just your fist. And more than likely no one is gonna get killed. If you have to use a gun on your fellow classmates, then I think that you're calling yourself a pussy. You can't fight 'em, so your gonna blow 'em away. And the thing is, the people at my school, thousands of miles away, have to wear these queer plastic backpacks just because there's little pansy's out there that can't work out their own problems without a fucking gun. That makes me sick.
So, onto the next topic. I told you that I'm falling in love with a girl. I wanna tell you about her. She has shoulder length black hair, a very pretty face (for some reason she thinks that she's ugly though), and she has a GREAT body. I like her so much I don't wanna say anything to her though, cuz I'm scared that it could ruin our friendship and I definitely DON'T want that. I don't know what it is about her. It might be the fact that she actually likes me for me, I don't ever have to put on a show for her; I can just be myself. I think that she likes me, but I'm to big of a pussy to ask her out. I'll let ya know how it turns out...