What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
A guy gets pulled over by a cop.
The cop looks at the guy's license and says, "You've got a restriction on your license. You should be wearing glasses."
The guy says, "I have contacts."
The cop says, "I don't care who you know, you have to wear your glasses."
What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister?
An only child.
How do you turn a fox into a cow?
Marry her.
A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out. He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?" She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."
Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door clicker in her car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular phone."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of rubbers and she doesn't even have a dick."
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
Did you hear Mattel came out with a "Selena doll"?
Ken and Barbie needed a maid.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.
What's worse than the pimples on Jeffrey Dahmer's face?
The black heads in his refrigerator.
Why don't blondes water ski?
Because when their pussies get wet they fall on their backs.
How do you make five pounds of fat look pretty?
Put a nipple on the end.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.
How do you ditch a Jewish cop?
Drive through a toll booth.
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my fucking dick.
What was O.J.'s college fraternity?
De Kappa Tata.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can't fit a sorority girl in a bowling ball.
Why do nipples have all those little bumps around them?
It's braille for "lick here".
What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
What does a slug say when he's riding a turtle's back?
What would you call a white guy surrounded by fifteen Indians?
What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
Hugh Grant.
Why did God invent lesbians?
So feminists wouldn't breed.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Why are all the blacks moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.
What's the difference between a clitoris and a remote control?
A guy will keep looking until he finds the remote control.
Why aren't there any black astronauts?
Because they don't like to say "Yes, NASA", "No, NASA".
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't cook...they eat out.
How do we know God is a man?
Because if God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

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