It is a fact that there are seven stages of drunkness, those of you that have
been drunk (that is most of you) will recognise most, if not all of these!
Stage 1: Smart
The very first stage of being drunk, and EVERYBODY has been here. At this
point you will be able to discuss and argue extensively the finer points of
things that you know nothing about. Also everything you say will be of the
utmost hilarity, at least to you.
Stage 2: Rich
The second and most unfortunate stage of being drunk. At this point you might
as well be a lottery winner. You buy everybody you know, and many people you
don't know drinks, and while they are appreciative the morning after you will
wonder just how you managed to spend so much money.
Stage 3: Good Looking
The most useful stage of the seven. Once you reach this stage you know you are
absolutely stunningly gorgeous to everybody in the room, and you can pull
anybody you choose. Although you have probably just spent 20 minutes chatting
up a door.
Stage 4: Invisible
This is a very useful stage because it means you can do anything you want
without anybody actually seeing you. This is exceedingly useful if you want to
steal signs, cones, shopping trollies, lorries etc and get them home without
anybody catching you.
Stage 5: Unbreakable
Arguably the most important for drunk people as it has saved many, many lives.
Being in this stage prevents a UDI (Unidentified drinking injury) from being
as serious as it would have been if you were sober. For example, falling down
stairs, walking into trees or falling off fast moving vehicles can leave you
with a mere bruise (just to leave you wondering what the bloody hell you did)
as opposed to life threatening injuries.
Stage 6: Blind Drunk
This is the stage when you wake up in the morning you are not entirely sure
what you remember is what you dreamed what happened or if it did in fact
actually happen. For example did you really try and fight a 25 stone bouncer?
Stage 7: ?????
Not even those who have been there can tell you what it is like in this stage,
nobody has or ever will have recollection of it, which is most unfortunate
because it would probably be quite exciting if you weren't lying unconcious on
So the next time you are drunk see exactly how many of these stages you go
through, you might be surprised!