Just met your double. I swear it was U. I even shouted ur name. U just ingnored me and carried on poking your finger up your arse and eating your banana !

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Why is your mum like a rhino?


Because she charges too much


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Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16....


Shut up, Albert


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2 men, 1 walking a tightrope, the other getting a blowjob from a 75yr old woman. wat r they both thinkin..


DON'T LOOK DOWN!

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uk uk ik ik akk akk akk uk uk uk ik ik uk uk uk ....... congratulations!!! u r able 2 speak da monkey language fluently..keep practising

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WHAT HAS MOBILE & A WILLY GOT IN COMMON?.......... THEY BOTH NEED TURNING ON B4 THEY WORK, THEY'RE BOTH HAND HELD, & THEY BOTH NEED A COUPLE OF HRS 2 RE-CHARGE!!

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A recent UK survey shows that if u r sexually unexperienced and always will be then u will be holding ur fone in ur rite hand...

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Boy sees his mum riding his dad, she says "I was sittin on his tummy to flatten it" Boy replies "Don't bother, aunty always gets down & blows it up again!"

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I'll grab u, i'll bite u, i'll really excite u, i'll lick u, i'll suck u, i'll totally fuck u, u'll b beggin 4 mercy, beggin 4 more, cos a fuck wiv me is never a bore!!!

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it gets longer and fater and so much bigger and it starts to grow things on it....................... u have a dirty dirty filthy mind i was on bout my tree in the garden IDIOT.

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What did the blonde say to the doctor when he told her she was pregnant?


"Is it mine??"

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i was scared at 1st it was wide, long & went straight up. ihad 2try it once. i eased myself on2 it. i liked it. i went up and downon it - now i love escalators!

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HUSBAND:When u die, i'm getting you a head stone that says 'Here Lies My Wife-cold as ever' WIFE: Yeah? yours will read 'Here Lies my husband-stiff at last!!!

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Take me to a lonely place. Make sure no1 is watchin. Rip me naked. Hold me by my waist. Tke me to ur lips & have a break im a KIT-KAT. i no wat u were thinkin!!

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how do you make your wife cry when your having sex?


Ring her up and tell her!

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Do you remember the time we were on the train and I stuck me arse out the window and u stuck your head out the window and everyone thought we were twins!

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SMS: You & I do it in BED..do it in da CAR..do it STANDING..do it SITTIN..but its best doin it LYIN dwn...



DONT WE JST LOVE TXTIN!!!!

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A loving husband had "I LOVE YOU" tattoed on his penis. When he got home he showed his wife. There you go again she said, trying to put fucking words in my mouth

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*PHONE SEX*
Dial 1 for oral
Dial 2 for anal
Dial 3 for normal
Dial 4 for S&M
Dial 5 for threesome
Dial 6 for 69
and for the whole lot just dial my number

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Youv'e got sex appeal Youv'e got class Youv'e got the legs but fucking hell look at the size of ur ass its humongus!!!!!!

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2468 feelin horny just cant wait 3579 i want ur body next to mine abcd come and lie on top of me uvwx txt me when u feel like sex

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from the moment i saw u,i wanted u,i luv your smell,they way you tongue feels,the way you tighten and loosen, Mmmm... NEW-SHOES

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Psst! GORGEOUS!


Yes You!


Ur smiling Coz I told u UR GORGEOUS


...Aaaaah!


Sumtimes we need 2 lie 2 make a muppet smile

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You? I thought I could trust U and say anything to U but U had to go and open Ur big mouth. i'll never trust U again! Stop tellin every1 im fuckin gorgeous.

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The word of the day is legs



want to come back 2 my place and spread the word?

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Its important 2 keep fit as u get older. My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. Today she is 97 and we don't know where the fuck she is!

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I've been invited to a major drugs party tonight I've been told I have to bring my own dope.

Do you want to come??

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Big Aussie going down d road wit a sheep under each arm. Meets a mate who says G'day mate, ya shearing? Nah says the Aussie. Gonna fuck em both meself

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Hey, What's wrong with ur phone? I tried 2 call u alot of times.Everytime I call, operator says,"THE SUBSCRIBER U HAVE DIALLED IS HAVING SEX, PLZ TRY LATER..."

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Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged!

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