1) You wake up - face down on the pavement.

2) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

3) You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office.

4) Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

5) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realise you don't have a waterbed.

6) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels on the freeway.

7) Your boss tells you to not bother taking off your coat.

8) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

9) You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

10) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.