You're so fat you stepped on some scales and it said no livestock please

You're so fat when you wear a yellow coat people run after you shouting "taxi"

Your face could stop a clock

When you were born the doctors took one look at you and slapped your mum.

You're so dumb you went to a mind reader and she only charged you half price

BENNY: I'm sorry my minds wandering

LENNY: Don’t worry its too weak to get very far

ROMEO: How long can you live without a brain?

JULIET: Dunno, how old are you?

Your mums so hairy she looks like she's got an ewok in a headlock

 Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

You're mouth is so big you can eat a banana sideways

JILL: Some people say I'm as pretty as a flower

BILL: A cauliflower?

"You've a face like a million dollars, all green and wrinkled"

Gill: I've kept my youthful complexion
BILL: Yes, so I see, all spotty

"Haven't I seen you on TV
"Well yes I do appear off and on, how do you like me ?
"Off"

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

JULIET: Do you think that I'll lose my looks when I get older
ROMEO: With luck, yes

"My husband always carries my photo in his pocket. It once saved his live when a mugger tried to stab him."
"Of course, your face would stop anything"

DANIELA: I've just come back from the beauty parlor
DANIEL: What a pity it was closed

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.