A panda went into a restaurant, ordered a hamburger and sat down. He
Sat eating it quietly for a while then got up pulled out a gun and shot the
Waiter and left. "Why on earth did he do that shouted a startled customer". The
Manager was looking through a book. "Ah Ha" he said, it says here that a "panda,
eats shoots and leaves".
How do you stop a dog from digging holes in your garden?
Take away his spade.
Where does the lone ranger take his rubbish?
To da dump, to da dump, to da dump dump dump
MUM: Keep that dog out of the house its full of fleas!
JIMMY: Stay out of the house rover its full of fleas.
Why did dorothy call her pet fish "Home"
So that she could say theres no plaice like "Home"
Who's the most powerful fish in the ocean?
The Codfather
A man went to the council to complain about his house. "You see me and my 3
brothers live in the same two rooms and we keep animals. One has six cats, one has
four dogs and one has a pig". "Why don you open a window" suggested the lady from the council.
"What" cried the man "and let all my pigeons escape!"
GILL: What's the difference between a kangaroo and a matterbaby?
BIIL: What's a matterbaby?
GILL: Nothing, but its nice of you to ask.
A man went to an auction and started bidding for a parrot. The bidding went higher and higher
until the man finally managed to buy it. He then realised that he didn't know whether it talked.
He asked the auctioneer if it talked. "Of course" he said "who do you think was bidding against you".
Where does a 400 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere he wants!
Q: What is as big as a brachiosaurus and weighs nothing?
A: His shadow!
Q: What's black and white, black and white, black and white, and green?
A: Three zebras fighting over a pickle!!!!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
What do you call a caterpillar after its 3 years old?
Four years old
What do you call a duck wearing a hat?
A duck.
A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No." The duck ask him this three more times. The bartender says "No and if you ask me again I'll nail your feet to the floor."The duck asks "You got any nails?" The bartender says "No." So the duck says "Got any grapes?"
How do you stop a dog barking in your backyard?
Put it in your front yard
