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Hello everybody this page has e-mails that I've gotten from my friends and family that I thought were either hilarious or very sweet if you look hard enough you might even see an e-mail that you sent me.
WARNING!!! some e-mails may contain swearing
I AM CANADIAN
Hey...
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English & French, NOT American.
and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!
MY NAME IS JOE!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!
I AM ITALIAN
Ciao...
I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.
I drink wine...not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the worldcup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
Antonio Columbro IS the best of the tenors,
And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!
Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer, And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Guiseppe !!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM PAKISTANI
Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.
I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.
A turban IS an article of clothing.
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!
Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!
I AM CHINESE!
Wai...
I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.
I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,
Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa
China is the LARGEST country in Asia
The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and finally........
I AM AMERICAN
Wassup...
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well.
I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
although I'm pretty sure they were American.
I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated,
Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL!
The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!
A Jamaican Christmas Carol
Breadfruits roasting on an open fire
Mongrels nipping at your toes
Dancehall songs, being sung by a choir
'An we dress up in we bashment clothes
Everybody knows,
When gungo cook an sorrel flow
Yu dun know seh season brite
Gal an bwoy wid them starlight a glow
Dem nah go waan fe sleep tonite
Dem know seh joyride deh pon the way
With music, rockin' rockin thru de day
'An all the chicken dem a try fi spy
Fi see is which one a dem is gwine to fry
'An so, we want to big up everyone
All kidz from one to 92
Althou money dun
Have 'hole heap a fun
Irie Chrismus, Irie Chrismus ... to you.
Girls' English
Yes = No
No = Yes
May-b = No
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!
" Do what u want" = You'll pay 4 this later!
We need to talk" = I need to bitch.
"Sure......Go ahead" = I don't want you too.
" I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron!
" How much do u love me?" = I did something today your not goin' like me 4.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me i'm beautiful.
" You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.
" Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!
Guy's English
" I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
" I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
" I'm tired " - I'm tired
" Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" May I have this dance?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.
" You look tensed, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.
" What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?
" What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
" I love you" = Let's have sex right now.
" I love you too" = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!
" Let's talk" = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!
" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys.PICK UP LINES!
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
I hope you have a library card because I'm checking
you out.
Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in Heaven.
Hey lady, those are some nice clothes, can I talk you out of them?
How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
Is your dad a terrorist? Cause baby your da bomb!
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
If you were a burger at McDonald's, I'd call you McBeautiful.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past you again?
The Lovers of the Heart
In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote
to whom we please but one kiss.
Article 1 : Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing (i hate that)
6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
! ;! ; ! !
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
**Remember**
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue
so open up your mouth,
close your eyes,
and give your tongue some exercise!!!
WELL here's a few reasons why guys like girls...
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... ! ! ju! ! st the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt . (even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of theheart.
