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timmyadam
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
3 Exercise Bikes
Now Playing: Eagles Of Death Metal - Flames Go Higher
Topic: Lists
Following is a list of nationalities that timmyadam would prefer not associate with.

Armenian.
German.
Polish.
Dutch.
Macedonian.
Cypriot (Greek).
Cypriot (Turkish).
Fijian.
Chilean.
Mexican.
Canadian.
Swiss.
Japanese.
Taiwanese.
Venezualan.
Malian.
Togolese.
Congolese.
Madagascan.

At this, stage, this is the extent of the list. It can of course be updated pending future developments

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:57 PM EADT
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Sundance Dreaming
Now Playing: The Hives - Outsmarted
Topic: Movies
Timmy has a had a stellar arthouse film career, counting the permanent banning of his films from the state of Colorado as his greatest achievement. This trigger to this unprecedented was timmyadam's entry of his short film, 'Don't Run With Scissors, You'll Do Nothing To Ease Third World Debt' to the 2003 Sundance Film Festival.

Critics and decision makers were united in their vociferous opposition to this film ever been shown in public, primarily due to its graphic violent sex scenes. Apparently showing a midget drinking milk and licking raw steak whilst masturbating is against all general classification guidelines.

Not to be put off by the ban, timmyadam arranged for private screenings of 'Don't Run With Scissors, You'll Do Nothing To Ease Third World Debt' in liberal minded venues for similarly liberal minded viewers. He counts the mass walk-out of viewers from his first underground public screening of this film as his single most humiliating achievement. But it was, nevertheless, an achievement.

The walkout was provoked, as was the ban, by the graphic nature of the film, particualrly the scene in which a chained and gagged goat was forced to watch on as a acid-tripping cyclist ate all the hay from his feed trough, whilst the cyclist was being sodomized, roughly, by a fat man who bore a striking resemblance to Dom Deluise.

Regardless of the lawsuits against timmyadam being levelled by Jim Henson because of his graphic images showing Randy Quaid giving Herry Monster a brazilian wax, timmyadam is likely to make a profit on his film, simply because of the massive internet pornography inudstry.

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:51 PM EADT
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The Grand Old Duke Of York
Now Playing: Get Yourself High - Chemical Brothers
Topic: Women
We've all been to fancy dress party's, right?

One infamous occasion, timmyadam went along to a fancy dress film screening of Star Wars. Thinking he could get himself some action, he dressed up like Tom Cruise did in the infamous scene of Eyes Wide Shut, in a suit and gold mask. He thought that if it easy for Tom Cruise to get a root, it was good enough for him too. timmyadam went home alone and disappointed that the only action he got was a light sabre up the date, care of a careless Wooky. Tom Cruise didn't know who he was rooting when they were wearing masks, and i suppose timmyadam will never know who jammed a bright red piece of plastic up his arse either.

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:32 PM EADT
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Sunday, May 8, 2005
Regional Politics
Now Playing: They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constaninople)
Topic: Spurge!!!
This song got me thinking... and i remembered timmyadam explaining the reason why, in his view, Turkey was not likely to become a member of the EU any time soon. It revolves around moustaches, surprisingly.

He reckons that without a fundamental change in the national mindset of Turkey, and their apparent love of the humble moustache, they will never be accepted as a member of the EU. Apparently, if the majority of Turkish men resorted to shaving their moustaches off, they will become certainties of joining the continent.

He cites Germany as an example. He states that Germany, with moustachioed leaders like Kaiser Wilhelm and Adolf Hitler never became members of the continents peak administative body. Ignoring the fact that the EU, or even its predecessors, existed in the days of Wilhelm or Hitler, and there have been moustachioed leaders within the EU since its inception, timmyadam stands by his theory.

The logic is simple, and the argument is not sound. But he is insistent in his calls for Turkish men to shave their soup strainers in a bid to have incredibly high and unsustainable farm subsidies introduced in their country. Apparently it worked in Germany.

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:35 PM EADT
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A Bit of Random Rage
Now Playing: Rage Against The Machine - Born of a Broken Man
Topic: Spurge!!!
timmyadam... shave your afro man... its getting smelly and offensive.

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:07 PM EADT
Updated: Sunday, May 8, 2005 11:12 PM EADT
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Mergers, Takeovers and Acquisitions
Now Playing: Janes Addiction - Been Caught Stealing
Topic: Business
Only once has timmyadam successfully built anything - a dogs kennel. This followed 3 unsuccessful attempts to build a wheelbarrow, 2 at a birds cage and 9 on a spice rack. He just doesn't quit!

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:06 PM EADT
Updated: Sunday, May 8, 2005 11:12 PM EADT
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Let, First Service!!!
Now Playing: White Stripes - One more cup of coffee
Topic: Sports
timmyadam has burnt down the clubrooms of three tennis clubs - The Hallett Cove Beach Tennis Club, The Karrarra Tennis Club and Trott Park Tennis Club. All rejected his application to play Winter tennis in the Adelaide Southern Districts Womens Division 9 Competition. Coincidence? I hope the POlice and taking notes.

Posted by rings/jobb at 11:01 PM EADT
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Soccer Administration
Topic: Jobs
timmyadam played a brief, but very exciting, role in the history of soccer administration in Australia. Indeed, it is possible to say, with his reckless and irresponsible management style, timmyadam single-handedly ran up debts of over A$7 million, and forced Soccer Australia into bankruptcy.

Not discounting Soccer Australia's demise, timmyadam regards his time at the helm of Soccer Australia as one of the most productive periods of his managerial life. He is quoted as saying, 'I have never worked as hard in my entire life, it is surprisingly difficult to keep such an outstanding level of mediocrity across a day, let alone the weeks that I was in the job.' When quizzed upon the reason for his incredibly reckless spending, he blamed his superiors in the organisation, 'they let me sign cheques with a stamp.'

Never before had timmyadam been in a position to actually put his racist ideas into action, but with the highly segmented ethnic nature of soccer in Australia, he was able to use ethnic stereotypes to his own advantage, as there was always enough constituents that held his same line of reasoning. 'It was easy to discriminate against everyone,' timmyadam was quoted as saying in one of his memorable press conferences, 'the Greeks hated the Macedonians, Turks and Italians, the Macedonians hated the Turks and Greeks, the Turks hated the Greeks and the Macedonians. The Germans hated the Poles, the French,the Russians, Gypsies, Niggers and Gays, and everyone hated the Germans. And thats not to mention the Serbs, Albanians or Irish. I have it easy.'

Government intervention in the form of the Crawford Report and the perilous finances of Soccer Australia saw timmyadams brief but spectacular reign over soccer in Australia brought to a premature end, before he was able to implement many of his more colorful policies.

In any case, all interested bystanders in the history of Australian Soccer will remember will some fondness the man who introduced the rule against rice (which banned all rice products from being sold at soccer events), the pro-dog decree (which allowed dogs to run free on all soccer fields, excluding games in which women were sole participants up to a semi-professional level) and the necktie ruling (which banned neckties from being worn within 200m of any place in which an officially sanctioned soccer event was taking place.

Posted by rings/jobb at 10:47 PM EADT
Updated: Sunday, May 8, 2005 10:55 PM EADT
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The first instalment in the orgoing history of timmyadam
Topic: Admin
Welcome to the complete timmyadam blog experience. Periodic updates will inform you of past and current developments in the life of one of australia's best known, and lovable, public figures. Enjoy.

Posted by rings/jobb at 10:27 PM EADT
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