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The Two Towers

Secret Diary of Aragorn


Arrival at Edoras-
Well, it is official, the Theoden guy is wacked. Luckily Gandalf was there, looking a bit pale. He threw him with his shiny stick, sort of. Theoden, or Saruman, whatever, said he had no power there, so Gandalf threw off his jacket thingy and showed off his new line of fashion. Several ooh’s and ahh’s erupted, much to his delight.

Helm’s Deep, that is the king’s answer to this tiny glitch in the plans. So, we’re going to Helm’s Deep. I argued saying ‘open war is upon you’ but he gave me this crappy response: ‘I hear that Theoden is King of Rohan’... well, duh! You’re him, idiot!

Walking to the Deep-
Okay, I am getting freaked out by this stalker chick, and I can tell her hair is like, sooooooo fake. I didn’t mention it, though. She asked me where I got my shiny necklace, and I said I got a pretty girlfriend and if she didn’t leave me alone she would get in major trouble. Then she was just kinda quiet and walked ahead. Thank you very much! Legolas sees this dog thing eat a couple of men. He kills the dog and the hideous thing riding it. Now we start to fight, yeah, kill about a dozen orcy things, like the terminator. Arnold was sooooooo great in that movie, by the way. Anyway, this orc stole my shiny necklace and tied me to the dog thing and I fell off the cliff. As I was falling I decided to put my sword back and play the name game to pass the time. Oh no, the ground! Oh, no, it's water. Anyway, I start to do the dead man’s float until I randomly see Arwen kiss me. I’m alive and I was kissed, it is all good. I saw like a million of those orcy things and was like, “Uh-oh, we’re gonna die”

Helm’s Deep-
See Gimli and all these dirty, and I mean dirty, people start to say, Praise the Lord, he is alive! Gimli hugs me, nothing like bein hugged by a short fat guy with braids. I walk into Legolas and he gives me the shiny necklace. These are his words:
“You look terrible. When you fell, I was like, crap, Arwen’s going to kill me, but you’re alive. Fight the Power!” I smiled and saw the stalker chick off to the side, she didn’t look that prettiful. So, I hurried to see the king, avoiding the stalker chick, surprisingly.

I told the king that there were a lot of orcy things that were going to kill all the people. So he’s like, get the kids and women in the cave, except the boys. But the salker chick just grumbled about how she couldnt go and fight with the big boys. Like i would rather kill ugly orcy things than sit home and watch the simpsons! that homer dude is halarious!

Here we go: 1 orc, 2 orc, 3 orc, 4, 5 orc, six orc, seven orc, more! after the battle i was going to ask legolas if he needed to go "freshen up" in the bathroom, but i resisted the temptation. I probably should have begged Gimli to.  That dude seriouly needs to wear some  underarm deoderant. He's got some serious B.O.! Oh well. i'd better go tell Leolas and Gimli to stop fighting