Follow the tight corners into the darkened brush. Scratch throught the tight vines and feel the thorns tare into your flesh. This is the beganing of your pain, pleasure and wonderment of the truly insane.
Thoughts
Thoughts 2
Thoughts 3
Old story
Old me
Old stories
The woman who molded me
The loves of my life
Who am I
It been a long time...
Where have I gone?
An Amazing man
Dreams...
Bloodline
Spiraling swirls the creamy galaxy forms and spreads… I am lost in it’s trance like movements and find a peace in the site. My spoon drifts into it and I obliterate the image with a flick of my wrist… I am a God and some things must give way… My lips are pursed and my tongue searches out as an explorer… the cup is hot and I suck in cool air as I sip away the destruction… the pools of caffeine roll about in my mouth and the slightly off taste of the coffee causes a slight cringe in my face. Damn, nothing like reality to ruin a great imagination… The waitress, like the seasons, comes and goes as her temporary memory loss continues to plague her and she forgets, once again I am waiting for someone and no I am not ready to order yet... stupid bitch… I pause and just as silently say sorry and pull away from the darkness… I try and not think about the blood bank… I try and pretend they had not called me and that I didn’t give blood and that… that I didn’t live the life I lived and the world is perfect and the swirling galaxy and the cleansing forgiving shower was real and my existence is purposeful and… my heart shrinks and I find myself swallowed in darkness of hurt… my eyes close and my breaths are shallow. I am falling and falling and the image in my eyes focuses to a dark room… my hands are pressed against the wall and my head hovers just out of touch with the door… I am looking down at my naked feet… the soft glow from the light on the other side makes my toes look ghost like and unreal… my knees are trembling and I try to calm them… I can’t breathe… the heavily painted texture of the walls feel as though I am reading brail… what would the message say… I can hear rustling and a faint murmur of a voice creeping behind the hundred foot wall before me… my heart begins to grow in my chest and its whisper fills my ears like water in pools… thump thump… thump thump… I turn to the left and look at the mirror over the sink and see my face… I am younger, much younger and I am in my pajamas… My hair is in a pony tail, which is how I always wore my hair to bed… my skin is so soft… my eyes are flooded with tears and I… the faint whimper from the other side of the door startles me and I press my head against the door. My ear is firm against the wood and I hold my breath in hopes to understand what is happening… what is happening? I don’t understand why, but I am tremendously afraid. I am afraid that the door could open at any minute and my curiosity discovered. What would happen to me? Why am so afraid? I pull deeper into myself and I try with everything to remember this moment… what is happening… a large thump startles me and my entire body jerks in response… my mouth utters a shocked whimper and I hear a shush. My eyes widen and I am unable to move… I cannot breathe… I hear a faded clicking sound beneath my chin and my eyes strain to see the door knob… the silhouette squeaks and I can see it begin to turn… I cannot move… I cannot breathe… what is happening…. What has happened? The door burst open and I look up, blinded by the change from darkness to light and I cover my face to try to see and to protect myself… my body is tense and I am anticipating the blow……….. “Maam, are you ready?”… I jerk open my eyes and I look up at the waitress standing before me… are you fucking kidding me… “You have been here an hour and if you are not going to order I need to clear this seat for other customers.” I look around and see all but one other person in the room, this bitch is about to mess with the wrong person on the wrong day… I take a deep breath and look at my watch… I think I am the only human on the planet that still owns a LED watch with a black plastic band… holy shit it has been an hour and he is still not here… where the hell… “Maam?” If I don’t get out of here I may have to go to jail and that is not the way I want to finish this day. I reach in my pocket and grab the last of my money and place it on the table. Fuck now I have to walk home… where is he? He better have not forgotten.. this is the day I was going to talk to him, truly talk to him… I stand up and walk out the door, she can keep the fifteen cents change, perhaps it will pay for a few of her “I’m a bitch” classes she must be acing. The day has progressed and the sun is in full stance. I pull off my outer shirt and I am just in a tank top. It is going to be a long walk… as if I haven’t had enough of those. I can tell this day will be a long one… an important one… just as soon as I find that bastard and get a chance to release all I need to… just as soon as I find him….