TADPOLES SWIM PAST CHEFS
Surging Gainseville squad casts aside the "Twins".
GAINSEVILLE - Mr. Stat has gone over the books as far back as the WIFFL (Woefully Inadequate Fantasy Football League) and has not unearthed a single game performance that rivals that of Peyton Manning's 39 points from 6 TD passes. That record breaking day was enough to move the 3-1 Tadpoles into first place in the Norris. Their victory over the 1-3 Chefs did not come easy however. The Tadpoles needed every touchdown that Manning could muster in order to slip past the slippery Chefs, 58-53.
"Like Gazpacho, revenge is a dessert best served cold." Ruminated Tadpoles owner Greg "Hollywood" McCollum moments after victory was assured. "I suppose technically Gazpacho isn't a dessert item and to be honest I've been so busy with work I can't even remember yesterday, much less the score of the last game I played against the Kitchean and NyQuist. Still....they are the Chefs of the Future so it seemed like some kind of culinary sound bite was appropriate. Look, I've got to go prep a shoot I'm doing in Spain next week."
To their credit the Chefs coaching doesn't seem to be a factor in their losses. In fact, their 175 points is the most in the Norris. So too are the 208 points that have been scored against them. Some times it just comes down to the luck of the draw and that omnipotent and fickle god of fate named Mr. Schedule. It is lesson that all AWFL owners had best learn from as they recall the words of Gen. George S. Patton when he said , "Rommell, you magnificent bastard, I read your book."
VICODINS CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN
2-2 start isn't what the doctor ordered
TWIN CITIES - The Champaigne was on ice in the luxury sky box of Vicodin owner Tim "Red" Osborn as he took his team into the Monday Night game against the Catfish in Canton, China. With a 10 point lead and only the pending stats from Ahman Green to consider the Vicodins seemed assured of moving to a 3-1 record and a three way tie for first place in the Patrick Division.
Osborn showed once again why he is a factor to reckoned with year after year as he decided to sit his starting QB, Daunte Culpepper, and give the nod to his 2nd stringer, Gus Ferrotte. The vote of confidence was not wasted on the back up as he came off the bench and threw four touchdowns with no INTs as he scored 27 points. Sadly, that turned out to be almost all the offence that Osborn could muster as he mistakenly left the majority of his team back in New England.
For the 3-1 Catfish the second time was the charm as he played his second straight home game out of town in China. "I don't mind telling that I was a little puckered going into Monday night. I had tried clawing my way from behind the week before with Marge, only to come up one point short. I told Ahman before the game that he was my boy and that I was going to give him the ball. Well, I didn't say "boy", you know, because that would be politically correct. I just reminded him of what a gifted athlete he was and how much I wished that my Big Man and my Big Woman had bestowed me with those powerfully big legs and butt. It really seemed to fire him up."
CIGAR STORE ATOP TOTEM POLE
One Little Indian sits at 4 - 0.
WHITE RIVER RESRVATION - Indian's owner and chief Geoff Schlander doesn't believe in doing anything the easy way. His Week Four match up pitted him against fellow undefeated owner Emil Zidek and rather than annihilate the island dweller and take no prisoners, Schlander chose to let him hang around before beating him 34-28. The loss, Zidek's first, moved him into a tie for the number spot in the Patrick with the league's other tobacco aficionado, Marge Schott and her Winston-Salem Marlboro Men.
It wasn't a particularly impressive win for the Cigar Store team. It came down to the lack luster play of the Easter Island squad that put up 17 of their points on the toe of their kicker Mike Vanderjagt. There had been some speculation before the game that Zidek might bench the oft-outspoken Vanderjagt after he apparently got into some of the Indians fire water on the sidelines during warm ups and starting calling out Doug Johnson, his quarterback. The confrontation rattled Johnson so much that he ended up the day with -2 points.
Schlander remains the only undefeated team in the league and travels to Canton, China to face the Catfish in a big showdown in the Smythe.
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