You know you are from Hempfield when…
Your parents bought your car,
but you bought the sound system.
You refer to Lancaster as “the city” or “downtown.”
You know there is nothing to do but go to Manor and
watch movies.
You spend most of your summer paychecks at the Lyndon
Diner.
You get bummed if the corner booth is taken at Lyndon
or Denny's.
You have worked at Giant and/or Weis.
You celebrate 4/20 by getting high before school.
You know that everything closes at 9pm, even on the
weekends.
You hate Central, Township and Penn Manor.
You didn’t apply to F&M or Millersville, but did apply
to Penn State, Ship, WCU, or IUP.
The Variety Show was the highlight of Fall Semester,
and Dance Theatre was the highlight of your Spring Semester.
You know what a Dance-ical is.
You didn’t know HHS had a school store (where was I?)
Even if you never smoked weed, you knew of no fewer
than 20 people who could get it for you if you did.
You had Dave Matthews stickers on your car.
Every beverage you consume (including in the
cafeteria) was purchased from Turkey Hill.
Your principal spoke through his nose.
Your teacher had to jump around the room and put their
arms in all kinds of weird positions for the TV remote to work.
You have ever driven around wondering what you are
going to do on a Friday night.
The only school spirit day anyone participated in was
hat day... because it involved just leaving
their hat on.
You know that the Centerville Friendly’s service is
slow.
You took Comm-Tech just to get your face on the TV.
You know a "Dr. Mud" and he isn't a rapper.
You ever had to do anything "Way's way", or taken
a "Haas-pause" or a "Minnich-minute" before a test.
The Home-Ec. rooms always smelled better than the
cafeteria.
You know Frick is the best english teacher, even if
you never had him.
You never drive the speed limit in front of
Centerville Middle School and get pissed when others
do.
The soccer games were way more violent than the
football games.
You feared the name of Amway.
If you went to CMS, you were well versed on the
rumored habits of Mr. Reichart and Mr. Bolesky.
You go to Park City just because there is nothing
better to do.
You've heard Grubey the janitor yelling unintelligible
things down the hall during class.
You've witnessed a drug deal in gym class.
You know that the security guard is just for show
because Butterfield handles the real take-downs of
course.
You know he handles his secretaries, too.
You know all the cops' favorite places to wait for
speeders in the district....
...and they've gotten you at least once anyway.
You've been witness to a fender-bender as school gets out.
You now know it is possible to disassemble a
car "boot" with an axe. (Thanks, Jimmy.)
You hold stereotypes about people based on their
elementary school.
On mornings when it snowed, you lived and died by the
bar running across the bottom of the screen on
WGAL
You lived for pasta bar, even if it meant waiting in
line for 90% of your lunch period.
You've watched you club time slip away a little more
every year.
You praise the heavens that you got the hell out
before block scheduling and senior projects.
Every year you had to learn to chew quicker.
You think the PAC and B-Gym might as well be in
different counties.
You've ever paddled in a carboard boat.
You're as confused as I am about how "Franklin"
and "Buchanan" are related.
You live less than 10 minutes from both a cornfield
and a strip mall.
You lamented going to the PAC, because you knew you
were just going to be bored for 45 minutes.
You ever tripped walking up the stairwells.
You never brought food for the food drive.
You were in student council, steering committee,
and/or NHS to get out of class.
Every Friday during football season you reported to
the stadium to continually walk counterclockwise around it with a group of friends.
You get excited for the snacks at the blood drive.
You often noticed the aroma of rotten eggs in the
hallways.
"Butterballs" has accused you of doing something wrong
(but you're not sure what it was about
because he makes no sense).
You felt unsure about whether you could put anything
in the trashcan Grubey guarded everyday at lunch.
The principals put on a big show of talking in their
walkie-talkies during lunch and walking around
quickly like they actually had something to do.
You wear flip-flops all year long, even in 6 inches of snow.
The principals were named Gump, Spermbank, Butterball,
and... well... just Mr. Smith.
You survived Hell Week of one form or another.
You've heard of the Brick Bandit or Hohn Geometry.
The principal and security guard looked like long-lost brothers.
You knew those stairs by the Franklin nurse descended
to the Janitor Outpost (where they plotted which
random bathrooms they would lock each day).
Your class was ever interrupted (loudly and
unexpectedly) by Grubey with the box cart.
You ever spent time in the "Dale" or the "Pete".
The stoners could barely make it across the street
before lighting up after school.
You moved chairs at lunch (even though you weren't
allowed) and just hoped Butterfield couldn't count that high.
Your guidance counselor still didn't know your name
after 4 years.
You had Kautter for 10th grade US history and never
quite figured out when he was going to start
teaching or learn your name. (Right, right,
right....)
A bus has entered your classroom.
You had a teacher named Stoner at a school named
Hempfield.
