Georgie is a Wacky Zany Girl Computer Puns & Fun Cyber Space! Isn't it a Wonderful Invention? HOW TO GET MORE TIME ON YOUR COMPUTER Put broom, duster, vacuum cleaner, polish etc. around the house, tie a scarf over your hair, sit at your computer until you hear his nibs arriving. Now hit panic mode ~ spray a bit of polish around, turn the vac on and meet him at the door all flushed and flustered. Works every time ... He might even give you a hand to finish the chores! Laurie  PONDER THIS ... Hmmm! Once there were lots of questions for which there were no answers. Now ~ in this computer age ~ there are many answers for which we haven't thought of questions. The computer is a pig of a thing ~ always crashing. For some weird quirk we always forgive it. Secretly we don't believe the computer is at fault, it must be something we have done to it. And then it asks us if we really, really want to close down. Laurie Duh!   JOKES She to a marriage counsellor: "It was a computer dating service that led to my marriage. I'll never understand what the machine saw in him!!" Teacher to daydreaming student: "John, are you still with us?" John shook himself and said, "Yes, I think I was just in screen-saver mode." She, explaining to her friend: John is witty, polite, handsome, caring, wise & successful, but we had to break up because he is a PC & I am a MAC. A 5 year old, when asked "what do you put a letter in to post" the child replied, "I know that, it's an email." What about the man whose hearing aid emitted a loud squeak at times; once, when he had his grandchild on his knee the hearing aid squeaked, and the child said, "Grandpa you've got email" Man, helping a workmate (not known for his spelling) to draft a document, started spelling a long word for him. Mate said "Hey I CAN use a spell-check" An elderly lady went into a Respite home for 2 weeks whilst her family was away. Daughter, on returning, was surprised by the size of the phone account until Mum explained "I had to come home each day to check my email" One rainy day a Granny asked her 5 year old grandchild if knew what a *MacIntosh* was, "Course I do Gran" he replied "it is a computer" BITZ 'n' PIECES from MY FILES! Y2K BUG After sitting at his computer for several hours, a man was suddenly overcome by a prolonged sneezing attack. When asked if he had Hay Fever. he answered, "No I think I have a computer virus!" LESSONS A group of teachers were attending a computer class & when taking their final exams, they put their answers onto a floppy placed them on the teacher's desk when finished. In the time honoured manner of teachers everywhere, they were placed upside down so no one could peep. AS IF ! TECHNOLOGY Boss, wanted changes made on a document already on the computer. The changes were made and the document emailed to him and was informed that it was now on the computer. Moments later he came out of his office and said the document was not on the computer, and had not fallen to the floor, so where was it. And I thought he was up to date with technology! One Programmer to another: "I can't believe it, their computer put my computer on hold!" After months of communication via the Internet, John & Sue decided to meet in the "Real World". Sue answered the doorbell and was surprised to see John juggling two keyboards. Grinning - John explained, they are in case we get tongue-tied.   FROM THE COMPUTER HELP LINE DESK * I write click but nothing happens. (Mouse right click!) * The mouse doesn't work. (It won't while you wave it in the air) * Could you warn me next time my computer is about to crash? * Why wont the coffee tray stay out (It's really the CD rom tray!) * Do I have to plug in my tape drive to backup data onto floppies?  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! A lady had a reputation for being a walking dictionary. Her husband answering email asked, "how do you spell acknowledge?" She replied "Why don't you hit your spell check?" He then reached over and punched her arm. "OK", he said. "How do you spell acknowledge?" CONFUSCIOUS SAY ... "He who kicks computer ends up with byte on foot" MAKE IT OBVIOUS If you are leaving a message for your kids and want to make sure they see it, stick it on the computer screen! SLIP IN PRINT In a brochure from a computer company : We offer quality computer hardware & software products. SOME day customer service second to none.                         Midi - Y-M-C-A Created by Laurie - AKA Georgie - April 2000 Moved and updated - March 2003