Lady Sword: By Games Express
Well besides the small fact that the game is in total japanese(Except for the title screen), the intro is simple enough. Some guy(Must be You) and some other guy(Must be some other guy) are busy talking about something that may have a point yet the vast majority will just be like..HUH?..Where the Hell is the Evil Being hell bent on enslaving the people?!. Anyway, before you know it you are in some dank depressing dungeon suffering from tunnel eye vision. You take a few steps forward(Press Up) and run into some other guys spitting out more Japanese. In fact you run into some tall guy who I pretend is me looking into a full-lenght mirror, some short bald guy who was probably a wise man from The Legend Of Zelda in his younger years. Some other guy who might possibly be evil. The weirdest of the bunch is this floating head, who figures prominently in throughout your stupid adventure. She spits out more useless text then disappears. Watch out for this floating head though, this makes up a good 40% of the weirdness here.
Um...you hit stuff with a yellow ribbon until it explodes, then you are given one extra hit point or something. You must rest after every battle since enemies can take out 50 HPs each attack(Get your ass beat by an alligator). If you rest too much some freak nightmare comes out and beats the crap out of you. Of course you can save your game anywhere. You also get a map, and a unhealthy collection of nude photos for your progress. Every once inawhile you will run into your retarded allies that are busy doing nothing but getting lost. I actually never beat this game because the floating head gave me nightmares, the game is just freaking long, and...just like Strip Fighter II, the game also really sucks. The Floating head I mentioned does more than spout words, she also detiorates and decomposing into this floating disgusting bloody head. One time she may have half her face torn off, another time she's wrapped in bandages with an axe in her head. Game Publishing Otaku express spared on time on making this freak of nature. Your enemies are pretty unusual, ranging from naked four breasted headless amazon women to Centipedes with halloween masks on their faces. You can keep going down to the bottom of this game, but Why? That Floating head just gives me nightmares....I imagine it following me, saying weird things I can't comprehend because my Japanese totally sucks, and then...EVERYTHING GOES BLACK! and I have to load a new game from my last save. Someday I will conquer Lady Sword, and then I will show off a gamut of crude and disgusting pictures of floating heads.
Lady Sword gets the highest honor of being the weirdest game I have ever played. Sure the game totally sucks when you actually play it, but if you play it for awhile you will truly understand...something..
Introduction: Uh What?
Basic Gameplay: ....?
