Yet there were times
When the ice melted
Into wet, clear pools of truth
And he bared his soft, vulnerable belly
To my sight and touch.
He had strength,
Passion,
Integrity and warmth,
And enough honesty
To tell me how much
He wanted me to stay with him.
I left anyway.
He had a heart
So needy and broken
That he was desperate to hold on
Even though I was not free to be held.
I think he wanted a mother in his life,
A lady who could draw him to her chest
When he was scared and insecure...
Someone who could prop up the walls
With her arms
When the world was falling down on him.
He liked my pancakes...
Frozen blueberries stirred into
Freshly hydrated Hungry Jack mix
Then doused in hot syrup
And sprinkled with powdered sugar.
There were times
During those pure, saccharin sweetened mornings,
Where I found myself smiling again,
Sipping Tropicana orange juice from concentrate
and feeling safe and free.
And in those times,
You never doubted me.
You didn't wonder what
Or who I was doing
When you tried to call
And the phone rang endlessly.
You must have known
That my nights were not spent alone,
But you never questioned me.
I guess you found your limit.
There was only so much abuse you could take from me:
After I hurt you a hundred times,
You couldn't let yourself be broken again.
Now you've vanished,
And I'm left with him.