Previously on Flaming Eggplants - 1998 - 1999

Okay, here's the old stuff for 1998 - 1999. For reasons that have slipped my mind, but must have seemed important at the time, these appear in reverse chronological order. Deal with it.

Summer of 1999:
Today's Horoscope:

Today's poisonous sea creature is the Man o' War. This will be a day of laughing, dancing, screaming, hair-pulling excitement. Think Springer, only more so. This would be a good day to plant a garden, unless you're living in a part of the world where the ground's still frozen, in which case that would be a phenomenally stupid idea. Today's colour is diseased banana. Today's Monty Python star is Eric Idle.

Today's Horoscope:Today is a day for the melding of harmonious strands of being. Be at peace with the universe, but be mindful of events around you, particularly if you are operating a motor vehicle, or you are likely to become one with the road. Today's colour is robin's-egg pink. Today's lucky number is i. Beware of other people, animals, and common household objects. They are all extremely dangerous today. Try not to worry about radiation from your monitor. Smile and think happy thoughts, and try to relax. There's nothing you can do about anything, so why be stressed?

July through November, 1998:
Today's Horoscope:

Today is a good day to paint your toenails. Beware of things that are painted purple. To find today's lucky numbers, take your age and divide by three, round up to the nearest whole number, and then keep adding numbers until you get something that looks lucky. Today's colour is radioactive lemon. Today's sock type is argyle. Sometime this week, you will be struck with a sudden feeling that you have forgotten something, but don't worry, it's not that important. Eat all your vegetables, and stop making that face, or it'll stay that way forever.

Strange Storyish Thing of the Week:
She is walking alone down a long hallway. It appears to go on endlessly, and each side of the hallway is lined with doors. On each door is a painting. Each painting depicts a different person, but each person sits in an identical chair, in a room with blue walls. The doors are locked. She looks at the paintings as she walks past them. So many people, all staring blindly into space. A young boy in a Little League uniform, his baseball glove lying unnoticed on the floor beside him; a woman with a baby in her arms; an old man, whose cane leans against his chair. She keeps walking, looking at each picture. A businessman, holding a briefcase in his lap. A little girl, wearing clothes that are nearly in rags, clutching an old, moth-eaten teddy bear. She keeps walking.

Eventually, she passes the last of the paintings. The hall and the doors continue, but from this point onward, the frames on the doors contain only blank canvasses. She tries the knob on the first such door. It is unlocked, as she somehow knew it must be. She opens the door, and steps inside. There is a chair. The walls are blue. As soon as she takes her hand off the doorknob, the door shuts and locks itself. She looks around, considers, and accepts. When she sits down in the chair, her face assumes a blank stare. She doesn't move again.

A painting is born.

April the Somethingth:
Lately, I've been wondering if it's normal to be this oblivious to the events in my life. It's really weird, but I've just started to realize that I've never had all that good a grasp on what's going on in my life. Really. People would ask if I was going out with a certain person, and I'd think about it for a while, and then I'd have to admit that I really didn't know. Is this normal? And two such things are happening to me right now. There's the person I was going out with (and may still be going out with, for all I know), and then there's another person, and I have no real idea how I feel there. Also, I have no real plan for my life, and there are numerous other things about which I am unsure. I am fairly certain I know what my name is, though. I guess I'll just have to hold on to that. Please feel free to e-mail me and tell me if any of you ever feel the same, or if it's just me. Thanks.

May the Somethingth, 1998:
Sitting here updating my page when a friend of mine points out that there's really not that much here. Vow to do something about it just as soon as I get around to it. Also vow to start putting subjects in my sentences. It's a Friday afternoon, and I'm sitting in the library typing away. Outside, the sun is shining, but here I sit, probably sucking up radiation from this computer screen, and trying to put something meaningful into my page. Fun. Ah, well, it's better than going to class. I think.

Today's Horoscope:
You will meet a short, light stranger, who may or may not be handsome. The world will end at midnight (12:30 in Newfoundland) so try and run up your credit card bill as much as possible in the time remaining. Your life will be changed forever by a chocolate bar wrapper, but this change will probably be for the best. Beware of dachsunds. Today's colour is khaki, and today's element is tungsten. Your lucky number is the square root of your shoe size plus your social insurance number. Have a nice day.

June the somethingth, 1998:
I've been thinking lately. Yes, I know, but it had to happen sometime. Anyway, here are some of the thoughts I've come up with:
Theory: there is no reality, only perception. The commonly accepted reality is simply a more popular perception than most.
Questions: Can thoughts/perceptions alter reality, assuming there is a reality?
Is science a religion? Think about it. Many scientific principles cannot be proven, and we are asked to accept them on faith. Gravity, for example. Yes, we can see that things fall when we drop them, but what proof do we have of the scientists' explantation for why this happens?

A thought: Life as we know it ends every second of every day.

Today is a good day to buy a hat. Beware of people who think they are chihuahas. Today's colour is ecru. Today's Beatle is Ringo. Whatever the voices in your head say, you cannot fly under your own power. Your lucky number is a secret. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Sometime Later than That:

Today will be mostly cheerful, with scattered anxiety this morning, and a 30% chance of light boredom this afternoon. Be sure and wear clean underwear today, as you venture out into the world, because you never know what could happen. Beware of minty hydrochloric acid. Today's piece of scientific equipment is the bunsen burner. Today's deceased musician is Jimi Hendrix. At 12:27 and 42 seconds, you will have a slight itch on your right elbow. There is absolutely nothing sneaking up behind you right now as you're reading this.
Hah! Made you look.

March somethingth, 1998:
Today's Horoscope:

Today is a day of new sights and smells. Glorious things will happen today, although not very many of them will involve you personally. Today's lucky number is e. Today's colour is salmon. Today's fish is red. Be wary of aardvarks and kumquats. Be at peace with yourself and you may not cut off your nose to spite your face.

Other Years

Questions, comments, ransom demands?

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