Calorie-Free Foods

Scientific research has determined that the following foods contain no calories:

1)Food stolen from someone else's plate
2)Food eaten while walking
3)Food you eat by accident, thinking it's something else
4)Anything eaten on your birthday
5)Food you eat only to be polite
6)Free samples in grocery stores
7)Food you eat to get the taste of some other food out of your mouth
8)Food you decide to eat instead of something even more fattening (I think I'll skip the fried cheese, and just have ice cream instead)
9)Anything taken from a candy jar on someone else's desk
10)Food you eat just to stay awake (chocolate covered coffee beans, for example)
11)Anything eaten while studying/working late
12)Food that's cut into tiny pieces
13)Broken cookies from the bottom of the bag
14)Food that other people pay for (business lunches, etc)
15)Anything eaten at a staff meeting
16)Garnishes of any kind
17)Food you eat when you've just had a bad day/been dumped/heard bad news
18)Other people's birthday cakes
19)Food you are obliged by tradition to eat - popcorn at the movies, hotdogs at the ballpark, etc
20)Food you order in because you don't have time to cook
21)All ingredients (including bacon bits) in a salad with light or low-fat dressing
22)Hallowe'en candy that you're "checking" for your kids
23)Anything eaten directly from the container
24)Food/drinks consumed at weddings or showers

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