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Read the Holy Book
This page is lovingly dedicated to Bobby Chuck Millamenoo.
Ok, you know how people talk about organized religion? Well, I'm planning to start a disorganized religion, and I'd like your help. I welcome your suggestions.
Please fill out my survey and share any ideas or suggestions you have. All suggestions for inclusion in the holy book will be accepted, provided they do not contain any profanity. Thank you.
Okay, to all of the randomly faithful out there, here is the news.
We have received our first piece of nasty mail regarding this page. I got this e-mail a few days ago. I have removed the person's name.
I suggest you read the bible and if you cannot understand it then go to someone who can explain it to you. If you think for one min ute that atheism is the answer then you are lost. You had better get moving to learn the word of God because time is short and He is warning us about that everyday in the happenings in our government and what is happening in other countries of the world. You can't say you haven't been warned of the last days that are near. Your Friend
Boy, there sure are some fun-loving and tolerant people out there, aren't there? Apparently, I'm going to hell! I don't know how this affects the rest of the church members, since that's not mentioned in the letter. I think I'll post some responses to this from memebers of the church and anyone else who cares. Please e-mail me if you'd like your opinion heard. No profanity, please.
Okay, here's our newest piece of mail:
After reviewing what you wrote about "Intolerant People" I'd like to point out that people like you and what you represent have eliminated prayers from school, from Congress, and you've done your best to eliminate it from life. You ever wonder why the Christian "right" is so hostile? Other than that- I am sad that you've taken such a negative outlook about who and what God and Jesus really is. I'll keep you in my prayers
What do you think people? E-mail me with your opinions.
Coming Soon: Yet Another Sermon from the Patron Saint of One Minute and Thirty-Two Seconds! Watch this space for further updates.
Some name suggestions so far:
Church of the Holy Flying Sheep
Laugh and Scratch
Humans Suck (and not in the good way) and we don't want to be a part of it any more!!
The Gathering of the holy sh**.
The Holy Brotherhood of the Bellybutton Lintmasters
The Church of (Fill in the Blank)
What's That Smell
First National Church of Welcome to the Insanity
Church of the Holy Exploding Bananas
The Church of Many Things
Order of the Gymsocks
god 'n stuff
Order of the Cryptic Weasel
The Group of Flaming Jello and Petunias
Feeblism - the New World Order
Please feel free to suggest other names if you think of any.
Please note: I've decided that the actual holy book takes up too much space on this page (plus I just like to move things all around, thus confusing all of you and causing 8-billion e-mails to be sent to anyone foolish enough to click on that "click here to be notified when this page is changed" button, bwahahahahaaaaa!!! ...excuse me, got a bit carried away there, anyway, back to what I was saying), so I've moved The Holy Book to its own page. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Gretings from the Patron Saint of One Minute and Thirty Two Seconds. All that Wear paisley knee high socks are not welcome on ground that is soon to be identified as holy. All fifty dollar bills are to be collected for the "we are attempting to devide by zero" fund where they will be stoned to death andsent out to be used as currency. Spandix is hereby evil and joins that short list that is getting very long of things considered evil. Telletubbies are currently bieng considered for the aforementioned list so avoiding them will keep you from bieng labeled a telecultist. walking a straight line is strictly forbiden except when highly intoxicated. Taxidermy is a formal art form supported by all religions but ours when they stuff a purple people eatersall followers of this religion must notice the odd and sexualy intriuging shape of the candycane and exclaim " what the F**k where they thinking" thank you and farewell from the Patron Saint of One Minute and Thirty Two Seconds.
Adam Bishop: Minister of What-not and Mish-Mash
Sue Grattan: head Something-or-other in charge of de-organizing the church suppers into food fights
Robert Howsam: The AntiChaos
Cul Heath: Keeper of the Chaos
Merlin the Silly: Archbishop of Bellybutton Lint
Flossie: Person responsible for loudly complaining about annoying things.
Jade: Archbishop of Propaganda
Rockergirl: Chief Songwriter and Beer Drinker
Hoby the Undecided: Top disorganizer lady in charge of the unmaking of decisions
The Amazing Deflatable Benn
Follicks: Keeper of the Vibrating Bunny
Ecodude: Pope of the all-believing Banana Straighteners
Biker Doug: Head Feeblist
Keyaden Kizdrawt: High Priestess of the Sacred Weasel
Alleria: The Sister in charge of the Eggplant and Jello Garden
Pan de Monium: Head Coma Master of Anti-Effort
If you want a title, then either e-mail me, or fill out the survey and request one.
Check out the Ten Commandments Contest.
I started this contest at Easter, and have yet to receive any entries.
If you are a church member and have a page or site of your own, then feel free to Add a Link. Also, let me know if you want a link to your email adress from here.
Some Suggestions for the Celebration of Our New Religion:
Wear mismatched socks, and tell people it's a religious statement.
Make a holy pilgrimmage to the Centre for the Easily Amused
Make your own copy of the holy book.
Hang a large question mark on the wall in your home, and tell anyone who asks that it's a religious symbol.
Check out our forum (entitled Name That Religion) in Open Space at Sympatico Forums. Of course, true to our tradition, it has long since degenerated and gone off on a tangent, but it's still entertaining.
If you make your own copy of the holy book, you should do so in a properly disorganized fashion.
Print out the book as it appears here, then glue each section separately into a scrapbook, filling up the rest of the space with newspaper clippings, pictures, or whatever.
Copy one sentence of the scriptures onto each page of your diary, address book, appointment book, etc.
Write out the holy book on post-it notes and stick it on your refrigerator door.
Write it out onto numerous sheets of paper, then stuff them into a file folder.
Write it on pieces of paper of varying shapes, sizes and colours, then staple the whole pile together.
Have it tattooed on your body.
Wear it on a t-shirt.
Of course, these are only suggestions, and you are free to assemble your holy book in any manner you choose, or not at all. Isn't freedom wonderful? Just think, you could write it in glow-in-the-dark crayon if you want, and it wouldn't be any less holy.
Day of Confusion: Everyone sets their clock to the wrong time, wears clothing belonging to the opposite gender, and denies the holiday exists in order to confuse friends and members of organized religions.
The Feast of Super Poo-poo, the Magical Midget Pig. On this day, we shall eat chicken or beef and laugh aloud, and delight in the saving of the pigs.
Festival of No Effort: everyone cannot move, eat, or use the restroom for 24 hours, the world is completely stand still.
The 23 days of the stuffed Weasel
Festival of the Jello and Eggplant
Have a happy, widgety, lintful, confused day.
Rockergirl nominates Kurt Cobain
I nominate Freddie Mercury
Merlin nominates Martin Twofeathers, and I second this
Pan de Monium nominates: Saint Comos - a man in a coma
Saint Veges - a man born with no brain
Saint Catos - a man who is catatonic
Sign my Dreambook!