Damn the Man!
A pox on anyone associated with the seedy underbelly of money management. I have recently found out how much the ?bank? from which I took out my student loan plans to bend me over and take full anal advantage of me. Did you know, that it is quite possible and even probable that you will end up paying more than twice the amount of money you barrowed? I did not. I took out a loan for $5,000, and then was sent a bill for $10,700.80. Apparently my depository of choice was a recently acquired venture of an organized crime family. So as would any concerned consumer, I went to the phone and dialed the brotherhood of darkness that is Comerica bank. I was promptly connected with a man sporting a thick Italian accent who proceeded to tell me that resistance is futile and if I struggle it will only make it harder. The conversation ended with him threatening to shoot me in the face with a staple gun until my eyeballs are so full of metal that they could be used as bizarre paperweights. Apparently, cement shoes just aren?t their style anymore. With this exciting abundance of new found melancholy, I found a dumpster in which I planned to curl up and die. But with an eleven thousand dollar debt, I cannot really afford funeral costs and have been driven to find a suitable method of payment. But not tonight, tonight has just been too long and I gotta jet, this place is dead anyways.