Paint the Town
So? the blind date. The only words in the human language that can strike both fear and excitement into the heart of the naive, at the same time. I?ve had blind dates in the past where the young lass isn?t even in the ballpark of sanity. Not only that, but I feel like I?m the umpire at this disturbing sport. I?ve been doing this so long that I could be a tour guild in hell. This next excerpt from an actual past blind date I?ve been on.

Girl: I never told anyone this, but I got raped last summer.
Me: Strike ONE! (I know it?s a horrible thing, and I wouldn?t wish it on anyone, but common, this is the first time we?ve ever hung out! What the hell am I supposed to do about it?)

Girl: So I?ve been in therapy for about five years now.
Me: Strike TWO! (At this point I?m wondering if I should ask her for a ride back to my car, but I worried she?ll offer to pick me up in her space ship, or ask me if I have change for a booger)

Girl: I?m so lucky to be with you?.
Me: WHOA! Strike THREE! I?m out.

Fortunately for me, last night?s encounter was nothing more than painless fun (formerly: painful fun). To my surprise this meet lacked the soul-destroying pestilence of the last one. We drank; we danced and had a good time. I would say that the chances of us seeing more of one another are strong to quite strong. However, we will never go back to the karaoke bar from hell. I first realized that the temperature of the room was just under the boiling point of lead when I rose to get a drink and realized my jeans had melted to the wooden chair which was now on fire. But my attention was quickly abstracted by the "thug life" dancing with the wooly mammoth. Now I?m not one to rain on anyone?s parade, but as a card carrying member of the male species It was my duty to heckle him into sitting down, for no other reason than I was concerned for his safety. But my warnings we disregarded, and I was force to watch as the bearded lady engulfed him into her ham roles. Well, ya win some and ya lose some? more importantly, my pillow is calling my name, and this place is dead anyways.