What am i doing here?

31st July 2003 4:14pm

           On train to Stockholm, capital of Sweden now.. took 4-5 hours to get from Trondheim to Ostersund.. i din even realise that Ostersund is actually in Sweden until my fren told me.. cos apparently they dun check our passports and we dun have to pass through any customs when we cross the border from Norway to Sweden via train..

           We couldnt reserve any hostels in Stockholm as this is the peak season and all the hostels are fully booked for tonite liao.. so later if we still cant find any when we reach there, we will have to stay a note at the train station.. Anywae, we have managed to book for tom nite so we juz have to survive tonite.. hee.. quite exciting leh.. never tried sleeping overnite at a train station before leh..

            Was feeling quite sian yesterday.. suddenly realised i m not really enjoying myself at all.. maybe cos i haven "click" with the two frens i am travelling with.. den when i m alone in my room, i felt veri lonely, and starts to miss my frens back in Singapore.. =( .. toked to a few frens in Singapore via ICQ.. sigh.. they are so far away.. cant even call them.. they are so many things i can and wanna do back in Singapore now.. but yet i am stuck here.. actuali i oso dunno how i ended up here oso.. din really expect the my SEP application to get through smoothly lor.. was expecting something to screw up somewhere and den end up not going ...but somehow nothing happens..

            I m not saying that i am regreting my decison to come .. i guess this is juz a transition period for me.. tink time will eventually help me adjust slowly and in the end, i may even end up like Jingyi who doesnt even wanna return to Singapore after her SEP in Canada.. Anywae, i was toking to her on ICQ last nite too... she told me she felt that she had changed quite a bit since she went to Canada.. changes in her mentality and attitude in life... i wondered how would i change...

            Before i came, i told some of my closer frens that i wanna take this chance to get a breather.. i m juz veri tired of everything in my life.. i wanna forget all the disappointing things in my life.. and return back to Singapore, a refreshed man with some purpose in life.. i've made my life really sad and have torture myself for too long a time liao.. i need to change..

            Jingyi said that i'm normal... she is a 过来人.. so she understand exactly how i feel now.. she felt the same way when she left Singapore in May.. 算起来..her SEP like quite short leh.. ending soon liao.. only about 4months onli.. mine is 5months leh...

            Wanted her to elaborate on how she has changed but she is having her exams in a few days' time so i din wanna bother her too much... sigh.. dunno wat i can do to make myself feel better oso.. its juz one of those days lar.. the more i tink, the more depressed i become.. 他妈的啦..我真没用..