Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
Blog Tools
Edit your Blog
Build a Blog
View Profile
« August 2019 »
S M T W T F S
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Entries by Topic
All topics
dreams
interests
life  «
my diary
You are not logged in. Log in
These are my thoughts written down on paper...
Friday, 17 June 2005
Feelings
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: tears in heaven - eric clapton
Topic: life
Well ive been thinking agen, which I hate doing cos it rele fucks ur judgements up and makes u feel sorry for urself but hey every human does it, self pity tht is, u cant help but think ur life is shit at times and tht it will never get better even if u know it will deep down which some wud say it very stupid, I get like this sometimse when my mom goes away and leaves me in the house on my own and I hate been on my own at the best of times, ive never liked to feel alone, the feeling of lonliness is my worst fear but its makes me think when im alone, I know im a deep thinker and so many ppl tell me so, I rele don’t know wether I am but either way I guess I do think about everything ppl say or do or the way they act with me, which is why im so sensitive, I used to be rele hard and lack emotions but now ive found love, ive found my emotions agen, which isn’t a bad thing, infact its great cos I hated not been able to care for anyone in a way they cared for me, but now I understand, I never used to cry, it wud take so much to even make me feel pain, I just cudnt cry, but now I cry way too easily, which is better I guess…anyways point in typing in here, im bored rele and have nothing better to do all weekend while my mom is out agen *sighs* what I rele need is to be older then I cud just do what I wanted when I wanted then I wudnt have to worry about whether my mom was in or not, its even fucking worse not having any sound in the house, its dead, which makes me panic and shit…grr well I think im guna write a shitty depressing poem or something cos im tht bored… here it goes:-

She sits crying on her bed
Was is all the feelings in her head?
She doesn’t know who to trust
Was all this just feelings of lust?
She starts to get angry and punches her wall
Bleeding hands she begins to fall
She screams out to him
Was it because im not too slim?
She didn’t understand what he meant
Was it all in that letter he sent?
She grabs the gun from off the floor
Bang bang shes gone forever more…

Posted by Charli at 11:22 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post
Monday, 23 May 2005
sat in my room
Now Playing: eminem - hailies song
Topic: life
well ive been off skool and bored as per usual, i went out to meet my mom at lunch time cos we'd sorted some of the stuff out and were alot easier atm, but its still hard work, it feels better tho but yeh, im just talking to the usuals on msn and just thinking about things, but im bored so i thort id post something random on here, which is cool i think...




but yeh i think i shall stop posting poetry and leve u to go back to ur exciting lives.

Posted by Charli at 7:23 PM BST
Updated: Tuesday, 24 May 2005 8:02 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post
Sunday, 15 May 2005
rory
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: mockingbird - eminem
Topic: life
well this is pretty much a follow up from my last post rele, i came back from adams after a gud day out n i got home n i felt kinda crappy, so i went into the kitchen n stephen was moaning at me for wanting some food :( so i sed look man forget it n he started screwwing at me for been rude so i turned n wlked out the front door n ran n my mom followed me n grabbed hold of me n wripped my shit fave shirt n so i punched her n she let go n then stephen grabbed me n was screwwing n i just started to scream n cry n they both grabbed hold of me n pulled me into the house n then stephen sat there screwwing at me n calling me a spoilt brat n an attention seeker n a loser etc n my mom just stood there n agreed with him n sed yes charlotte ur making a big deal out of nothing weve done nothig wrong now wats botehring u n i was like its nothing ffs n stephen wudnt believe me so i just in the end got up n walked upstairs n went into rorys room n he looked upset so i sed come here n he came over sat on my lap n started cryin which made me cry more n we spent ages cryin about how fucked up everything was for both of us, n if u odnt know rorys me lil bro n hes not liked much by the others n hes always getting left out n me n him get on rele well so but anyways after we stopped cryin we started tlkin about wat was up with eachother n it was like his mom was lying to him n mine was hating me n his dad was leaving him out n mine was been ok but hes never rele botherd n it sucked cos we both realised just how upset eachother was then rory went and had a bath n i had a beer to try n calm myself down n then we both went into our bedrooms n i came on the computer n tlked to chloe n a few other ppl but yeh thats about it rele...nothing new :(

Posted by Charli at 10:12 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post
Friday, 13 May 2005
how i feel
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: avril lavigne - together
Topic: life
well this song is exactly how i feel with my mom n shit so yeh check it out:-

nobodys fool - avril lavigne

Fall back
Take a look at me
And you'll see I'm for real
I feel what only I can feel
And if that don't appeal to you
Let me know
And I'll go
'Cuz I flow
Better when my colors show
And that's the way it has to be
Honestly
'Cuz creativity could never bloom
In my room
I'd throw it all away before I lie
So don't call me with a compromise
Hang up the phone
I've got a backbone stronger than yours
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

If you're trying to turn me into someone else
Its easy to see I'm not down with that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me into something else
I've seen enough and I'm over that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
Go ahead and try

You don't know
You think you know me like yourself
But I fear
That you're only telling me what I wanna hear
But do you give a damn
Understand
That I can't not be what I am
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
Its not a simple hearing but not so soon
I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen
And a little more green
But its amazing what a couple of years can mean
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

If you're trying to turn me into someone else
Its easy to see I'm not down with that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me into something else
I've seen enough and I'm over that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
Go ahead and try

Go ahead and try
Try and look me in the eye
But you'll never see inside
Until you realize, realize
Things are trying to settle down
Just try to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
If its with or without you
I don't need you doubting me

If you're trying to turn me into someone else
Its easy to see I'm not down with that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me into something else
I've seen enough and I'm over that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
Go ahead and try

La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

Would you be laughing out loud
If I played to my own crowd
Try

yeh so thats how i feel, basically like my family are changing me to suit them and i guess its fair enuff but my mom at the moment doesnt care about anyone else apart from her life with stephen and his perfect kids...its not fair, ill never live up to their standards and i have to for my mom to like me and do stuff for me, she cant even be arsed to stay in with me, and ive missed so much of skool and it fucking sucks :( its rele getting to me, shes making my home life hell, i dont even wanna be with her anymore and i love her to bits but i cant stand her anymore, he's changed her for the worse and now shes not the momi had a few yrs ago and i want her back, shes just came in my room now and moaned at me blaming me for ruinging things in her life, ive done nothing wrong, im just been me, and i guess that is the problem, so now its like i change and be controlled by stephen or i move in with my dad and dont change and live in shit with hardly andything and be pretty much happy, also if im with my dad hes never there so ill be left on my own and i dont want that, id get so lonly and im already badly anti social and i know for a fact i wudnt get up for skool or anything so my skool wud just fuck up completely like it pretty much is now, im missing skool bcos im upset...how lame, im just not happy at home, im only happy when im out and with adam and my friends or on my own which is sad, and i dont want it to be like that, stephens just dumb and if he thinks hes going to ruin my life then hes got another thing coming cos im not a fool like my mom, ill stand up for myself.

Posted by Charli at 8:51 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post
Friday, 6 May 2005
babies
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: nothing
Topic: life
yeh well i was bored and i was thinking about babies...(as u do :S) and i was looking on google for some cute baby clothes and i found these sites full of rele cool baby clothes and then i was searching for cute pictures of babies and these are some i found...





hehe arent they just adorable? well i think so anyways :p awwww i want one lol babies are soooo damn adorable but yeh ill stop talking about them now :D

Posted by Charli at 4:01 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post

Newer | Latest | Older