D/s Relationships

I'd like to begin to define the term "D/s" and many of the associated opinions that co-exist with its definition.

"D/s" stands for Dominant/submissive.   It can also stand for Discipline and submission but I will cover on another page.  Dominant/submissive are the two main characteristics that are involved in developing such a relationship.  The Dominant in the relationship will either be a male or female.   Conversely, the submissive may be either gender as well. 

It should be noted that in some D/s relationships there can be more than two individuals.  However, regardless of how many individuals make up the relationship, there is always one Dominant (at least) and one submissive (at least).  Once I have explored a "traditional" D/s relationship, I will develop the thoughts and conditions surrounding those in this Lifestyle known as S/switches.

Dominants

A Dominant has many responsibilities in his/her role in this relationship.  But, let it not be said that there are also many rewards for this position.  The following is a list of responsibilities that rest on the shoulders of a Dominant :

• A Dominant is responsible for the mental, emotional and if s/he lives with the submissive, physical well-being as well.
  • A Dominant takes his/her time to get to know the submissive in his/her charge to learn what his/her strong and weak points are.
  • A Dominant would also discuss the submissive's limits or fears.  These are things that the submissive has never experienced before or has and did not like it.
  • Once the limits and fears are understood between the Dominant and submissive, the Dominant will work with the submissive to challenge those limits.  By challenging them, the submissive may find that s/he may not want to consider it a limit any longer. (we will discuss limits/fears later)
• When nurturing the submissive, the Dominant should never ask unreasonable things of him/her. (i.e. demanding the submissive to do something that is a limit)
• A Dominant will come to treasure the submissive. 
  • A submissive is the cherished and can be eventually owned possession of the Dominant.
  • When a Dominant feels the submissive has proved their worth, loyalty and devotion to the Dominant, s/he will "collar" the submssive. (The mean of collaring will be discussed in depth later in this site.)
• A Dominant is not "domineering".  S/He does not exploit his/her position to abuse the submissive.  S/He does not control by suffocation - not recognizing the submissive as a human being.
• Being dominant is not a role that someone acts out.   It is part of who they are.  Such actions as a dominant are no more thought of than eating or breathing.  It is who they are.

Submissives

A submissive also shoulders much responsibility and duty.   However, one who is in the position of submissive reap great rewards when such responsibilities are carried out properly.  Some responsibilities of a submissive are:

• A submissive is obligated to give herself completely to the Dominant.  However, there are a number of things that s/he must do beforehand.
  • The submissive is responsible to know and understand that what s/he has to offer (heart, mind, body and soul) is a gift.  Such a gift must never be given quickly.
  • Humbly, submissives must learn the Dominant they are considering to serve.  They must ask questions, express themselves honestly and openingly.  They must make sure that they can serve the Dominant under his/her conditions without question, in time.
• A submissive cannot take matters into their own hands.  
  • They must consult their Dominant for direction and guidance unless it is a matter that has been discussed.  At times, a Dominant will allow certain leeway for a submissive to make decisiions without reviewing it with the Dominant because T/they have an understanding.
• As the relationship grows, the submissive is expected to fall deeper into his/her appreciation for the Dominant.  This deeper appreciation for the Dominant allows the submissive to trust more, to know her place better, to please the Dominant instinctively, to love the Dominant as time passes.
• A submissive does not chose when to give him or herself to the dominant.  It is not a role as an actor plays.  The desire to serve and please is part of his/her essense for being.
• As time passes, the submissive's thoughts may fall in line with the Dominant's.  The submissive will want to be completely dominated by the Dominant.   It is then that a submissive yearns to be collared to the Dominant permanently. (The mean of collaring will be discussed in depth later in this site.)