1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out
2. Write a short story; using alphabet soup.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on
4. When someone says "have a nice day" tell them you have other plans.
5. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.
6. Make a list of things that you've already done.
7.Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
8. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to preschool as if nothing was wrong.
9. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman numerals.
10. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
11. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from highplaces.
12. Leaf through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
13. Go shopping. Buy lots. Return it next day.
14. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
15. Drive to work in reverse.
16. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of the Flintstones" during that important finance meeting.
17. Make up a language and ask people for directions.
18. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
19. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
20. Last, but definitely not least! Secretly do something nice for someone! People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.
You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!
Day One
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
Day Two
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor).One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
Day Three
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
Final Day
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
BREAKFAST: 1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz skim milk LUNCH: 4 oz lean Broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo Cookie
Herb tea
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK: Rest of package of Oreos
1 qt. rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge DINNER: 2 loaves garlic bread
Large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
2 2-Litre Coca Colas (non diet)
3 Milky Way bars
Entire Sara Lee cheesecake - direct from freezer. DIET TIPS
1.If no one sees you eat it --- it has no calories.
2.When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.
3.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts such as: Hot Chocolate, Brandy, Toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake.
4.If YOU fatten up EVERYONE ELSE around you--then YOU look thinner.
5.Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel, such as Milk Duds, popcorn with extra butter, and Junior Mints.
Anthony de Mello, SJ
~ ~Ways To Handle Stress~ ~
The Miracle Toddler Diet
The Anti-Stress Diet
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
Orson WellesCome Fly With Pinkymingo To The Isle Of Tropical Mood Swings!
