Our solid American citizen awakens in bed, a furniture piece that originated in the Near East although later modified in Northern Europe before its transmission to America. He throws back covers made from cotton refined in India, or linen developed in the Near East or wool from Near Eastern sheep, or perhaps Chinese silk. All of these materials have been spun and woven by using Near Eastern processes. He then slips into his moccasins, invented by American Indians, or his slippers, an Arabic creation, and goes to the bathroom, whose fixtures are a mix of European/American inventions. He removes his pajamas, a garment invented in India, and washes with soap, invented by the ancient Celts, and uses some shampoo, a Hindi term. The he shaves, a masochistic rite, which derives from ancient Sumeria.
Returning to the bedroom, he removes his clothes from a southern European type chair, and proceeds to dress. He puts on garments whose form originally derived from the skin-clothing of nomads from the Asiatic steppes, put on shoes made from skins tanned by a process invented in ancient Egypt and cut to a pattern derived from classical Mediterranean civilizations, and ties around his neck a strip of bright-colored cloth which is a vestigial survival of the shoulder shawls worn by 17th century Croatians. Today these clothes are often made in China, Indonesia, Mexico, or Central America; and if they are more expensive they come from Italy or another European manufacturer.
Before going out for breakfast, he glances through the window, made of glass invented in Egypt, and if it is raining he puts on overshoes made of rubber discovered by Central American Indians, and then grabs an umbrella, invented in southeastern Asia. Upon his head he puts a hat, made of felt, a material first used in the Asiatic steppes.
On his way to breakfast, he stops to buy a paper, paying for it with coins, an ancient Lydian creation. At the restaurant a whole new series of borrowed elements appear. His plate is a pottery form from China. His knife is steel, an alloy made first in southern India. His fork is a medieval Italian invention, and his spoon a derivative of a Roman original. He begins breakfast with an orange, from the eastern Mediterranean, a cantaloupe from Persia, or perhaps a piece of African watermelon. Of course, he orders coffee, an Ethiopian plant, now grown in South America, with cream and sugar. Both the domestication of cows and the idea of milking them originated in the Near East, while sugar was first made in India. After his fruit and first coffee he goes onto waffles, cakes made in a Scandinavian technique from wheat domesticated in Asia Minor. Over these he pours maple syrup, discovered by Eastern Woodland Indians. As a side dish he may consume the egg of a bird species domesticated in Indo-China, or thin strips of an animal from Eastern Asia, salted and smoked by using a northern European process. If he is really hungry, he might voraciously consume some fried potatoes, first cultivated by Amer-Indians, and then pour on ketchup, a Chinese delight.
After eating, our friend drives off to his office in a Japanese car, or settles back on a sofa, an Arabic invention, listening to his stereo made in Singapore. He reads the news of the day, imprinted in characters invented by ancient Semites, developed by Phoenicians, and passed on to the Greeks and Romans. These characters, formed by a process perfected in Germany find themselves on material invented in China.
He reads the paper in English, a language now almost universally understood with a variety of accents, which began as a hodge-podge of various linguistic styles on a big island off the coast of Belgium. Crazy Anglo-Saxons from northern Germany molded this speech and blended it with the island's earlier Celtic tongue, producing a language seriously modified when the Normans invaded England in 1066. In time, this language became highly adaptable, as English people combed the globe for fame and fortune, and the sponge-like words were absorbed world-wide.
And so, using English, he surveys accounts of foreign troubles in the Balkans, Asia, Middle East, and Africa. He will, if he is a good conservative citizen, thank a Hebrew God in an Indo-European language that he is 100% American.
From the textbook written by Fr. Ober SJ
