Chapter 8 - You'll Be Scared Soon
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One gleamed shining and sharp. Another gleamed.. shining and sharp. And, yet, another gleamed as well. Then they tossed and slitted the air. They fell back, safely, to their master’s hands as all good servants do. She rested the tip of one of the deadly blades on her pouting bottom lip which curled into a smile quite wicked. The tip of the blade moved to rest against her emerald green chin. And the smile grew in malice and malicious nature. Or maybe she was just in the “mood”. “Choices, choices.” Hecate shrugged her shoulders innocently. “Since when am I good at making tough decisions?” She reared back her arm and one of the sharp weapons she had been harboring flew meters through the air where it buried itself into the wall with a “THWUCK!” The witch was rarely delighted but she pranced around in joy at her near-perfect aim, “I rule, I rule!” The man, who’s head was mere millimeters from the embedded blade shook, terrified, in the restraints that bonded him to the wall. “Certainly we can make some deal, madam! “Hello Dolly,” The Sequel! “Son of Dolly! Hecate, Hecate.. queen of the night. I see your name in lights, now!.. hm..” The man’s face took on a new brightness and he sung in jovial spirits, struck with inspiration, “HECATE! HECATE! Queeeeeen of the night! I see your.. oh, this sounds splendid!” Hecate frowned in dismay. Later, Mikey. Now, I’ve just got some flesh lusting going on... now, you both stay still, huh? I’m practicing my aim. Cheer up!” She licked her lips and flashed a pointy-toothed smile. “Hey, babes, if you don’t get skewered with a speeding knife you get to spend eternity on my kitchen table. Heh, heh. If you get the drift.” The second man hanging on the wall smiled nervously and inched closer to the blade, motioning with his head toward the instrument, welcoming death with open arms. “Insults!” She screamed. “Either, way, it’s gonna be a fun eternity for the lot of ya’!” She gave her throwing arm a bit more leverage and tossed. Gary shrieked. Zelus lifted his aching hand upward, grasped and pulled himself up. Far below him, far as in miles, the ground spun uncontrolled. The walls wavered and even his ladder seemed to shiver in fear. He gripped the bars and endured one feeling most common to him. Nausea. He squeezed his eyes shut, gasped, looked up and raised his foot to the next step. “I am coming, my love.” His teeth chattered, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin chiseled slab to re-read for the umpteenth time what was engraved on it’s face. “70,000,000.” Belit’s apartment number, he continued upward and clenched a bouquet of flowers in his teeth. Ah, the daring buccaneer, venturing forth to reclaim his prize of beauty. How romantic, if buccaneers weighed in a little above 100 lbs... Floor by floor his eyes scrolled over the level numbers, “69,999,997... 69,999,998... 69,999,999.” He grimaced in dismay. Why is it that on every level involving the number “69”, there was some crude pictorial representation in red spray paint? Didn’t Andromeda live somewhere around this level? Zelus quoted something she had once heard Creusa say, “Wow. Never thought of that one before... Ah, 70,000,000. This is the place!” He grinned in anticipation, reached in his other pocket and pulled out an automatic music playing machine he had managed to swipe from Hermes. Love goes to all lengths. He pushed the play button and couldn’t help but snap his fingers to the catchy melody, he rocked back and forth and so did the latter, teetering on one leg now. He flailed and grabbed at the sides in a desperate attempt to stabilize the apparatus. Zelus sighed in relief. Then he continued to snap and sing along, “It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone! It’s not unusual to have fun with anyone...” Hecate threw back her arm for another attempt. Pearls of sweat dripped across the two captive’s bodies and she decided she did not dislike that at all. Poised for another attack and smiling joyfully she zoned out. Stopped right in her tracks. Her ears perked up, her eyes dilated and at a terrifyingly slow speed, she turned her head... “There is a disturbance in the force.” Outside the window, Zelus swung around to the music meant for his beloved. He
didn’t anticipate the stone shutters slamming open and two deadly daggers flying for his
face. “AIEEEEE!” The sliced through the wooden sides of his ladder, he threw his hands
forward in search of anything to hold on to. His search failed and he flew backwards,
along with the broken mass of wood. Strangely, in preparing to fall thousands of stories
to a rocky death he was not nauseous at all. He only wished he had gone “FTD” instead.
Two greenish-blue arms shot out and grasped him by the goatee, “YIPE!” Hecate,
goddess of witches let her death-willing snarls melt away, “Zelus! Whoa! Sorry, kid... but
don’t EVER do that again! Why does everybody take for granted the fact that the sounds
of Tom Jones trigger my most deadly homicidal instincts!” Zelus continued to yap in pain
before Hecate changed her grip, holding him by the hair on the head and not on the chin.
“B-b-but, where is Belit?” Zelus stammered. “Belit, Belit? Belit doesn’t live here! No
sir, no sirree. It would never work out. I go “Pert” she goes “Pert Plus”. Eck.”
Falling at max velocity, Zelus was plagued with one question... what would reach the floor first? Him or his vomit? Sooner than anticipated he splatted onto a porch. Shaking the birds out of his head he crawled up and stumbled forward. A gasp escaped him. The fleeting thought had passed him, “So, why am I still alive?” and looking down he realized it was because the ground was still rather far away. Feeling dizzy and fearing for life once more he tripped backwards, flailed his hands threw a mesh of pink and black curtains and landed on his back. In someone’s room. Her yellowish eyes gleamed back with a maniac smile. Zelus wonder if he really was forever fated to remain in the choking arms of some devilish child of teenage hormones. “Zelus, baby!” No, because then Prometheus never would have invented rat poison. He gagged and clawed like a cat about to be flushed down the toilet. He began to wonder if it was her arms or her legs that had wrapped around his scrawny throat. “Love is brutalgGgrglagsk!” Either way, Eris had him trapped and dragged him to and fro. Hades poured his teacup full of wine and slurped it down for the fifth time over. He leaned on his elbow and shot the “person” in front of him a questioning glance. “Y’know, Mr. Bear? Really. What is it with the chicks, eh? I mean you, Mr. Bear, have it easy,” He poured Mr. Bear a cup of wine as well. “Momma bear always had it in the middle. Simplistic, cooked porridge, ‘too soft’. I adore this goldilocks complex when I applied to my own stinkhole familial life. But come on, ten maxed Visa’s! Poppa bear cuts of Sephy’s ‘Continent Of The Month’ fanclub subscription and it’s, ‘No lovin for poppa bear tonight!’” Mr. Bear’s glassy eyes poured forth the wisdom of his soul. Of course, Hades sat in awe until he came to this, “Shut up, ya lousy bum.”
 Zelus screamed, they had flown over the porch ledge and down they tumbled toward infinity. Hades groaned in defiance as he raced to his demise, pointing a sharp finger he glared at Zelus, “This all sucks, because of you.” Freefalling to their death at a million miles a minute, Hades still found the inner need to wrap his hands around Zelus’s windpipe in a attempt to strangle him to death. Zelus was grateful, he landed through a line of clothes. The garments were musty and gray, left out to dry by the light of a sun that was not in existence. They eventually became grimy and gray. Zelus fell on his butt and gasping for air looked down to admire the dress he had somehow ended up wearing on his way flying through the laundry... a pink polished and gilded brazziere bounced off Hades head, extinguishing his mop of blue flame. Hades growled and Zelus suppressed histerical laughter at the death-god’s gray dome. “AHEM!” Some foot tapped impatiently and it’s toes were painted “icy-dream-blue”. Hades shrunk back and Zelus, now clad in his stunning cocktail dress skittered out of the room. Queen Persephone was preparing to merge with a bathtub full of steaming water when she was so rudely interrupted, she fixed the towel closer around her, “Fate, completely, unintentional, I swear, babe.”
Persephone scowled, “Peeping Tom.” Hades grabbed the brazziere from the floor and stuffs it over his head attempting to hide his lack of hair and his face. Suddenly, the chamber doors swung open and the purple-skinned goddess, Belit-Sheri sprinted in with a wild smile. She stepped in-between the king and the queen and lifted Hades up by the collar. “Why, what a peculiar garment we have here. It’s not just peculiar it’s speculiar! It’s super! You should sell it! Is it, is it...” pointing to the bra on Hades’ head, Cratos ran in next, “Is it on sale?” Hermes, the blue god from Olympus, flitted through the window, “Hey, man! How much? I’ll take ten.” Persephone squinted, “Ten? Right.” Hades was dumbfounded as usual. Thanatos hovered in and demanded a “set”, the bulk of the underworld and half the upperworld crowded around Hades’ ideal fashion statement. “You can’t have it! I called it first”, Cerberus barked back in defense, Bia and Ion stood in amazement, “Wow! It’s, like, for a guy AND a girl!” Bia chimed in, “Unisex, rad!” They began to pull and fight over the bra, admiring it’s dainty ruffles, stylish cups and the way it so snugly fit their skulls. “10, 15, 200 pounds of gold for this!” The money flew, “500, I bet 500!” Persephone shouted and held up a warning hand, “Silence! There’s no need to squabble, there are, like, a gazillion of ‘em in my vanity drawers!” Belit stood up, “Well! What are we waiting for? Brazzieres for all! We could charge money for them, open a small business. We’ll be rich! Hades financial future is saved!” Everyone cheered, “The Underworld is safe from harm! Yea!” Everyone in the palace joined in, “YEA!!!” The souls in Elysium said, “YEA!!!” Charon said, “...” The people of Tartarus say, “Shit.” Meanwhile, in Tartarus, Sisyphus was busying himself with a lock and lock pick. What he was trying to do? No one knows for sure. As soon as he realized the camera and story had focused on himself for an opinion he shot a glance up and quickly hid the instruments behind his back, “Don’t I ever get a break???” Up on a cliff, Creusa pushes that legendary boulder of Sisyphus down the hill, rolling after the retreating condemned. Hel, Nutmeg and other henchwenches giggled in delight. “Yea, for Hades! Yea for Belit!” Belit waved their praises away, “Oh, stop!” But the satisfied mass, adorned with bras and all, lifted Belit onto their shoulders and chauffeured her out of the room, “Belit saves the day!” Belit waved again, “Oh, stop!” Moments later, Hades was still blinking deep in concentration trying to recall the recent sequence of events. Persephone, Demeter’s flower, standing on long stems of her own, stared down at her husband, “Peeping Tom.” Hades confused, confounded and utterly at a lost looked up in a pathetic fashion that could only be classed as “cute.” “Huh?” Persephone gleamed and took pleasure in the knowledge that her husband would always be a sneak. “Puddin!” Hades grinned, “Smooshy cheeks? RrRwor!” Seph’s towel fell to the floor. But, I bet it just “slipped”! “ I am going somewhere to contain myself.” Hurrying away from the palace, walking and trying to pull himself out of a flowery cocktail dress at the same time, Zelus hobbled along. He flung the dress behind him in the dust and wiped at his face with the collar of his toga. Eris’s lipstick still refused to remove itself from his cheeks and “ahem” other places. Zelus angrily vowed to carry a Colt Pistol with him wherever he roam. Who other than Creusa, the disgruntled intern, to run up by Zelus next. Creusa now adorned her head with a gilded bra for some reason and the boy just didn’t ask questions. “I concur! I think.. and then I take a nap.. but, anyway, Hecate’s got Oldman and Crawford strung up to a post in her room. So sad.” She tore the bra from her head and waved it around, “But guess who got autographs!? Gee whiz... you know what else? The boss is getting spanked right now I bet, there’s Eris and You,” Zelus did not know Creusa as well as one might think by the way she pinched his cheeks, “And speaking of little couples, there’s also Belit and...” Zelus’s mouth dropped open. Wow had the rumors run rampant? So, the underworld had finally caught on to him and Belit’s sordid little affair? Were Zelus and Belit the talk of the town? Two souls destined for love... “Belit and Sisyphus. Weird stuff.” WHO in gods name is Sisyphus? “How sickeningly sweet. I think I’ll go heave somewhere.” Creusa added, mimicking Belits’ sugary, crusty smile, which for some odd reason made him flinch, “Have a nice day!” Sallow and pale, somber and dreading. This is how Zelus lived out the rest of his collective day in the Underworld’s perpetual darkness. Mom and Dad were angry he was late home and had missed family “YAHTZEE” night. But, Zelus took little heed to it. His day had been put to better use finding reasons for purchasing a firearm now that there was some guy named... Sisyphus.
“Do you love me?” “Yes, of course, how can you ask that?” “Wonderful, than you will do this for me.” Zelus grimaced and looked saddened, the name Sisyphus rotted in his mouth no matter how much mint Belit had forced him to chew. He itched at the uncomfortable clothes surrounding his body, “Why don’t you just feed me to Cerberus?” Belit shrugged, “It’s not so bad. Besides, that mutt wouldn’t devour you. You smell to good.” Zelus smiled broadly and Belit regretted saying such a thing. Zelus itched at the collar of his purplish toga many gods were accustomed too, especially for formal occasions. Belit shoved a mirror one inch in front of his face, “There. You look slicker than dog drool. Go gettem tiger.” Zelus flashed one of his winning smiles, Belit tossed the mirror at his gut and he caught it, knocking the wind out of himself. Belit checked the time, “7:00pm. It’s about that time, kid. Get movin.” Belit gave him an encouraging little push that turned into a violent shove when Zelus remained stationary. “Oh, give it a rest will you, I’m sure your just making it into a big deal.” The door rang and it’s sound echoed throughout the sector. The boy went white with fear and shrunk back, “I-it’s her... It’s her.” Belit raised an eyebrow, “Oh, don’t be silly. It’s customary for the guy to pick up the girl...” Another ring and then a persistent knocking sounded through the rooms cutting her sentence off and forcing Zelus backwards for refuge in the shadows. Belit-Sheri cautiously moved forward, and setting her hand firmly on the door knob, turned to look behind her, warning, “You promised me. You promised you’d try.” Zelus muffled a sarcastic comment and hid further back. The door swung open, “Eris, Eris darling!” She couldn’t help but wonder, Eris, Eris darling, why are you wearing a tux? Eris the goddess of discord thrust out a bouquet of flowers and fixed her bowtie, “I’m here to pick up my date.” Eris slid her purplish tongue along her writhing lips and then fixed them into a maniac grin. Belit’s beatific and pleasant face crumbled. She worked to retrieve the fumble and motioned with her hands, “Eris, come in...” Zelus crept out of the shadows, but retaining that shred of dignity that continuously remained latent in the god of zeal. “It’s ok, Belit. She doesn’t NEED to come in.” Belit frowned as Zelus propped the door open in a gentlemanly manner, “Allow me” He shot a glance at Belit and somehow seemed older. He was throwing himself into the fire now and kept the nervous mentality of that lucky sort of individual to be burned at the stake, but he did rest assured that soon this would all be over. Zelus and Belit would finally be together. Happy. Off living on a farm somewhere in middle America. Some sharp hand pinched his butt rather than his cheek and Eris gleamed up at him with undress-you-eyes. Maybe not. This was going to be a LONG night.
The moment the chariot was parked in the drive-in theater lot the goddess of discord had placed herself in his lap. He gently pushed her off. That was all. Maybe this wasn’t going to be such a night. Her fingers tip-toed across his chest to by his neck. “OoOO! Zelus baby! Is that a corsage? For me?” Her fingers twisted around the bulky string of things dangling from his neck. “No. That’s a string of garlic.” Eris didn’t catch on but smiled seductively and slipped up close to him. “Hm? Your strange, Zelus.” She flashed him a glinty toothed grin. On gazing upon the hell demons current visage he realized he didn’t particularly like the strange way she eyeing his neck. On with the show. Zelus sat in conscious thought surmising the current situation and actively avoiding contact with skin like Hades avoids contact with a toothbrush. He drummed his fingers nervously and popped candy covered ambrosia into his mouth while contemplating the situation further. One tiny little gnat doesn’t sit in the chair of the fat lady unless he wishes to hear to fat lady sing or the sound of his own body going “squish”. The little dancing candies spun and jumped in some sugar-coated parade across the movie screen. So, he figured, if psychotic obsessing goddesses didn’t succeed in putting an end to him tonight, happy dancing condiments would certainly finish the job. Behind them, in the backseat, Zelus felt a shadow breath and his skin crawled as if running for cover. Eris’s eyes glazed over while watching the “Hersey’s Chocolate Bar” tango with the bottle of “Herculade”. Disaster struck, “I’m frightened,” cried Eris, “Tongue me! I mean.. hold me!” Her sharp little hands wrapped around his body to grab something tender, causing Zelus to scream something unpleasant. Eris went at her work, toppling him to the upholstery and manipulating the young man in new and ingenious ways. The back seat howled and jumped forth to grab the young lad and Zelus found himself out of the grips of a young devil-girl and now plastered to the side of the large chariot. He gasped for air desperately and squirmed in vain attempts. Should he scream for mercy or fall on his knees in appreciation? He squinted one eye open. He motioned his finger timidly and moved it upward across a sloping chin, one squishy lip, a set of sharp teeth, another squishy lip and his finger made a “boinggg” sound as it flipped the pointy nose up. His finger returned downward to the... pointy... sharp... teeth. Prying his eye open he screamed in magnificent horror upon meeting yellow fierce eyes. Eris cried, “DADDY!” Hades wrung Zelus’s neck before he managed to choke out, “HEY! I was a victim of date rape!” Eris clung at Hades’ heels and Zelus was far flung out across the pavement. He did pick himself up, dusted himself off, and grumbled all the way. Like a trip to the dentist... in the seat... a quick deep examination of his mouth... and out of the seat. Now he was going home to shoot some hoops and jam to the mighty sounds of Fleetwood Mac. So, this is what suffices for an active social life... He’d never love Eris. This was for sure.
Helen of Troy smiled some sweet and crusty smile. She fixed her hair, set her hands on her barely covered hips and struck the pose. CLICK! “Beautiful darling! Just gorgeous.” Belit grimaced and Helen threw the full cup bra from her hair, scowling. “That’s a wrap.” Belit tossed the full roll of film in the air and it disappeared into a soft smoky mist midway through freefall. Helen strutted past her out back from whence she came. Belit was happy enough. The Trojan War bit had gone out of style years ago and now Ms. of Troy was doing photo shoots for cola-drinks and infomericials back on the block where Menelaus had found her. Advertising was forever though. Hades skimmed over the information himself. He had come to “Personnel” mere minutes ago. The fact that her had acknowledged the paperwork foundation more than enough in the past week or so was enough to call for celebration. She would change the year-old disposable coffee-filter for sure. She poured him another cup as his evilness took in figures. Money made from Belit’s recently founded fashion industry, “Yeah.. uh.. thanks. Hey, I kinda owe you now?” The secretary smiled slyly, “Try to be good.” Hades eyes finally hit a big cash-in note that caused him to stand up in surprise, “Sure thing!!! I’ll go save all the damn orphans and widows ya’ want!” Belit massaged her temples wearily and began filing reports. Hades had come to her office a bit on edge as usual, but still wearing an enthusiastic smile he had picked up early this morn... “Hey, babe, apologies...” He clapped a hand on her waste, she gazed out the far window towards the tortures of Tartarus, and noticed a familiar man from the media, “I’m just goin’ kinda nuts here without 50 lawyers breathing down my neck.” She gingerly removed his offending hand, “Mr. Starr, I’m sure, would be interested in helping you out with that difficency.” She pointed out the window towards the man, forever damned, and then found room for another cut, “You going nuts? Oh, that’s enough inspiration for me. Adui!” Adui was claimed by Belit to be the Egyptian deities’ phrase for “get lost, smeg.” (oh, Gods, Hecate, I couldn’t help using that damn word) but in actuality was just a badly spelled French word for “Good bye”. Hades stopped in his tracks and gazed at Belit attempting to be seductive. “Anything I can do for you?” Ah, the pitch. He figured if this was a chance to get some twice in one day then why should he pass it up? “Thankyou, Hades, but if I needed good lovin’ at night, I’d order it from a magazine and top it off with an hour of pay-per-view. That always produces less of an emotional wasteland.” Poof, Hades was gone, no questions asked. Twas death-god equilivant of gratefulness and thanks, he had spared her for the time being.
That night, Belit opened the door and shut it again, standing in the cool damp darkness of her secluded apartment. Her finger tips pressed firmly on the stone door to secure it’s sealed hinges, behind her something glowed softly. Belit breathed in sharply, she had predicted it wouldn’t go pretty and now she had the perfect phrase to cancel this young man’s discouragement, “You can’t just run away from this. From life.” His arms enwrapped her and his kiss stole offensive words from her own mouth. The warmth of a heart alive engulfed her and though she’d rather run for a weapon of defense she couldn’t move past the bed. Zelus paused, “But tonight, we’ll outwit life.” Imagine her blackened soul knocked clean and filled with a bizarre, alien emptiness... The light burned out and the door was definitely shut... ...then imagine a gruesome three with one eye between them and enough warts to spare, standing in the war room, embroiled in an uncommon stress. Hades fixed his collar and smoothed out his hair. Unexpected visitors and seldom welcome. Fates. “Ladies, ladies. Welcome to my abode. Don’t you always have something pleasant to say?”
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Meanwhile, Zelus was blacking out due to Eris’s lips denying him an air supply when
the familiar voice boomed, “ERIS! Mr. Bear wants another cup.” The fiery haired
goddess managed to continue her smothering smooches that went all over Zelus’s face and
other places he was modest to admit, “Coming, daddy!” But Hades emerged from the
adjacent room first, his large body stuck between a petite little chair and the tiny table it
was melded to. He wore a pink apron and dragged along a vicious looking stuffed-bear
and in his other hand a tea cup. “Oh, daddy, stop being such an impatient little
party-pooper, I’m warming up some more tea!” Zelus succeeded in escaping Eris by
dislocating some joints, but it was all worth it... for about .03 seconds. Hades slammed
him bodily. “Hey! Get yer roving hands off my daughter!” Hades pounced up again,
slammed his victim and both went flying. Hades was verging on complete explosions
when both realized they somehow hung suspended. Eris planted her fists on her angular
and forbidding hips, then pouted, “Daddy!” Hades smiled sheepishly at how he was
embarrassing his little baby, “Oh. Sorry, cupcake.”
