Note:
This
isn’t based on AJ, although the character is named Alex. This was written
before I began writing fan fiction.
Saying goodbye wasn’t an easy thing to
do. But I found myself turning from the warmth and familiarity I once knew,
toward the blue yonder of what would be.
I hated the way we were so hostile to each other- I never wanted to experience
again the same pain and anguish I’ve felt for the last five months; it was the
worst feeling imaginable.
It was as though we were living on separate galaxies, where communication lines were rough and it was impossible to get into what the other was thinking. Initially, I thought we could reach a compromise; but toward my last days here in Sydney, it was obvious the path I was to take
When I told Alex I was to leave, he pleaded, begged and even tried to buy me
into staying- he’s been more attentive to me in the past few days than he’s
been our own relationship. He even shed a tear from those innocent black pools
that I fell so hopelessly in love with so long ago. But I remained firm on my
decision, refusing to move from the stance I was taking.
I wasn’t going to give him the
satisfaction of knowing I was actually considered giving my ticket away, just to
stay.
So without much of a goodbye, I carried my bag, and gave the single most
important person in my life the cold shoulder. I boarded the plane, restraining
myself from looking into his innocent eyes filling with tears, his body
slouching and flake-by-flake, and his heart rotting away into nothingness.
I wasn’t going to let him know I still
loved him. He’ll never find out. Never.
We were inseparable after that. For the
next five years, we spent every waking moment together.
So you can imagine my surprise the day
Ivy said she was going to leave.
Nothing could have prepared me for what
was to come; I spent the last few months in Melbourne, seemingly to collect
myself through burying myself in work. I went out with my friends and lived the
life I thought I wanted.
Who am I kidding?
It was all just a show. I’m just lying
to myself, propelling myself for the fall. The fall of reality.
Let’s face it- I’m still in love with Alex.
And that’s why I came back to Sydney- to face Alex.
I finally start to get on with my life,
when I get a call from a friend to tell me-
Ivy was moving back.
When I heard the news, my heart raced, and suddenly, I was speechless.
Ivy?
The Ivy whom I shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with? The Ivy whom
propelled me to cry my first tears since I was five? The Ivy that… that I’m
still in love with?
One side of me wanted to jump up and down like a little boy on Christmas
morning. But the other side of me was bubbling like a lab formula ready to
erupt, from unrequited pressure.
But the question now is-
why?
For what reason was she returning?
Surely… no, it couldn’t be- she was adamant she was leaving, never to
return. I had my chance, and I lost it.
But what if she is giving me another chance? Nah, never. She’d never change;
she’s always been too proud. It couldn’t be- not even if the rain falls
down.
The sky was
a milky white, frothing with foam like clouds on the never-ending blue canvas,
as I stepped off the plane. My mind pounded at me and this dizziness
washed over me; I had to clutch onto the banister as I searched for the exit. I
finally found my way out to the exit and saw my mother… and both of Alex’s
parents.
My fleeting dizziness subsided, and I
managed a weak grin, proceeding toward them. There was something different about
them; it wasn’t the fact that Alex’s parents were here without Alex… my
mum and his parents had gotten around quite well ever since we introduced them.
No, it was more than that. I could tell.
But I didn’t know what it was. Their expressions were all the same; they were
happy, but there was this bittersweet sense that I couldn’t shake.
When she finally let go, I saw tears in
her eyes. “Hello darling” she murmured as she wiped stray tears cascading
down her contours. “I’m so glad your back,” she added.
What was wrong with everybody? What was going on?
But before I could do anything, Alex’s mother drew me in and held me close “Be a good girl, you hear? Listen to your mama always”
At that point, I knew Alex was gone.
And as I stepped out of the airport; the rain started to fall down.