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FORTY ONE: SPEECHLESS It
was exactly like one of those stupid romantic comedies; I fling open the door
and he’s standing there, poised to barrel the door down, minus the mandatory
ditty of ‘Endless Love’ playing in the background. Where
he’s meant to sweep me off my feet with a supposed spontaneous, open mouth
kiss is also ditched, mainly because, well I stepped on his foot. “Nice
to see you too” he muttered wincing with pain. “You’re
meant to be gloating to your buddies on how you scored” I accused, crossing my
arms while he tried to use his 'injured limb' to edge (unsuccessfully) into my
hotel room. He
looked me up and down, “You’re meant to be crying your eyes out” I
shrugged, seemingly non committal, “Eh, I’m different” “So’m
I” he said. Still eyeing me. If I wasn't in my left mind (the one where logic
and reason is meant to preside) I would have jumped on him already. I was
itching. I
thought, well he’s here, I might as well bum a smoke off him “Gotta
smoke? I need one now” Now
here comes the really spontaneous part “Wanna fuck instead?” And
I go “Hell, yeah”, and then we ravage ourselves in fast, furious sex. Hmm.
I spent a whole taxi ride plus another hour and a half, agonizing over the fact that I
engaged in sex with a guy who wasn’t really a guy, but rather an
over-glorified nymphomaniac, and then, just as I decide to ditch the issue, I
celebrate it by fucking him again. Lordy. I’m
using AJ for sex. | I ain't sorry for the way I feel | I know you think I'm being insincere | from the way that I'm treating you | I never wanted to be so unkind | the only one thing on my mind | is just kicking with you girl...| I see the truth it's in your eyes | I ain't fooled by your thin disguise....| [when the lights go out] 5ive I
don’t believe in that crap about fate and how it’ll happen to you when it
happens. But when she opened that friggin’ door, Aphrodite was showing off her
pretty little ass to some other God, because they were very happy; junior here
was more than excited. Don’t
need to tell you either, when something falls into my lap, I take it. No use in
wasting a chance. So after she did all those clumsy things of her, stepping on
my foot, all while trying to be coy and pissed off (she didn’t have her
nicotine fix), I asked her straight out “How about a fuck instead?” And
didn’t she deliver. All the way to daddy, she did. And
after the sex? That inevitable silence, like ordinary people, who don’t know
what to say after they’ve done it, because I’ve always just rolled over and
slept. “Hmm” “Ummm” Nothing. “Gotta
smoke?” she asked, her green eyes fixated on the white polyester sheet
covering her chest. I don’t know why the hell she’s even bothering, I’ve
seen everything. “Yeah”
I lean over trying to find my jeans somewhere in the room. “Where’re my
jeans?” “Here”
she muttered, pulling them from under her side of the bed, pulling the red and
white packet out of the pockets, pumping out one of those long, slender nicotine
babies. “Gimme
one” I demand, pulling the packet out of her right hand. We
puffed our cigarettes in silence, until she spoke up “I’ll call you” Then
she got up and began picking up my clothes around the room, dumping them on me. “I’ll
um…” she searched for words as she took another puff. “You better go…
you don’t want reporters catching you when the sun comes up” Call
it instinct or just paranoia, but I sensed she didn’t really want me to leave;
it was just a shield, plain manipulation on her part to control something she
really didn’t have control over. She
was just being Minerva. “Let them” I shrugged. She
raised one eyebrow at me then shook her head. “It’s for your own good; you
can’t afford any more bad publicity” She
wanted to shut me out again. So
I looked back; she was lacing her fingers through her tousled hair, took a long
puff of her cigarette and just looked blankly at the wall. “You
know what” I said, as she turned abruptly. “Stuff the reporters, I’ll stay
till dawn” Her
green eyes widened in alarm “No, you can’t. You can’t stay here, I have to
go into ‘Hello!’ at eight” “I’ll
be gone by six” “You’re
treading in dangerous waters McLean. You don’t know what you’re getting
yourself into“ I
smirk began to twitch on my features. God dammit, she was softening. “I leap
first, think second. It’s always been a flaw” Her eyes cast upon mine for a
second before she flinched. “I’m staying” “Nah
uh. Can’t do that” “I
can do whatever I want” “I
said no” “I’m
staying” She turned around, those green eyes piercing into mine again.
“It’s too bad, I’m not going anywhere” and just to make her realize I
wasn’t going, I sat on the bed. She
looked pained, then sighed. “Look, it’s not going to work this way, you have
to go” “Why?” “Because” I
can’t believe women think ‘because’ is a reason. They use it all the time
as though it were justified by George Washington himself, and it’s meant to be
accepted, no questions asked. What’s more, I can’t believe I’m asking why;
I never do that. “You
can’t stay, okay? It’s not done. We fuck, you leave. That’s the deal”
she said, exasperated. “What
deal? Look, whatever it is, we’ll work it out” I assured her, as she arched
an eyebrow. “What
on earth are you on about AJ? No no, wait, what are you on? Because I don’t
think three fucks count as a whole relationship” “So
you think we’re in a relationship now, is that it?” “I
didn’t say that!” “Then
what did you say?” When
did everything get so confusing? A fuck is just a fuck, right? Except this was a
little different, Minerva wasn’t some whore I met for an hour and had tawdry
sex with. Nope, Minna, although she and I were far from amicable and totally
wrong for each other, we had something else. Feelings were definitely there-
hate, loathing, lust, wrath, insanity (I never said they were positive)- but
there was something else; this one irrepressible factor. The
thing was, despite all this coldness, she cares. And what’s more; I
care. “So
like you men to have commitment issues” she snapped. The
old Minerva was back. Knew the sex fiend version had to go; they never last. “That’s
not what I meant, okay? Just hear me out” I walked closer to her and pulled
her to me; I could feel her heart beat next to mine; for some very odd reason,
it was erratic. I pulled away a moment and gave her a look “Why’s your heart
beating so quickly then?” “It
is?” she asked, then placed a hand on her chest“ No it’s not” “Yes
it is” “No,
it’s not” “Yes,
it is!” Like
the thousand looks she’s given me in the past three months, this is the one
that hit me the most. It was all together strong, fierce, but emotion filled,
vulnerable even- very un-Minerva like. “Go
away” she muttered “Make
me” I said, gleeful. Funny, I saw nor felt any attempt to pull away- and there
was a lot of room. “I’m
warning you” “Don’t
you ever shut up?” “No”
Silence.
Well, well, guess she does shut up. She
stuttered, then looked at me. Her mouth poised open, but no words came out of
them. “Hmm?
You wanna say something?” Again
her mouth opened, but no words escaped. “Speechless, huh? Definitely something
I can get used to” Right
after I said that though, the familiar scowl returned- except this time she
pinned a sly smile together. “Shut up and fuck me will ya?” For
the record, we didn’t get much talking done the rest of the night. "...I can see I'm getting through, babe" [when the lights go out] 5ive |
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