THIRTEEN: Forecasting Cold Freedom
"It's slightly below twenty five degrees where a strong south-westerly wind is heading upstate. A snow blizzard will hit at about three twenty, causing a slight tremor in the earth. It is advised everybody should stay indoors today."
Nick hit the pause button. "What?" he asked grumpily as Brian poked his head in the doorway.
"Pizza?"
Nick shook his head as he pressed play once more.
"Thought I owed it to you to say goodbye before I dash off and you never hear of me again" the voice reeled on. Brian pointed to the stereo system, as his eyebrows furrowed. "What's that?" he asked between chewing.
"June" Nick supplied simply, as he hit the fast forward button. Frustration evident on his face, he stopped the tape and pressed play.
"Listen to this" he told Brian as he made himself comfortable on the floor.
"…it's not the fact that you and Caitlyn are an item…" June's voice reasoned on the tape as Brian raised his eyebrow. "Wh-"
"There's more…" Nick interrupted as they quietened down once more.
"I hated myself for falling for you so badly. Cos I knew nothing could or would come out of it. I don't blame you for being entranced with Caitlyn…I mean, which guy in their right mind wouldn't want her?" June's voice continued to reel as her voice choked up with emotion.
"This was a stupid idea anyway… I thought I would feel better after I told you, but I don't. I feel like the biggest fool…so why are you listening to this?"
Nick stopped the tape, turning to Brian who sat unmoving.
"So she really fell for you, huh?" he asked as he eyed Nick pulling out a carefully folded piece of hotel stationary.
He handed it wordlessly to Brian.
To where we are headed I do not know,
What I hold inside, I can never show,
My feelings are real, they are so true,
I know you're in love, but in love with who?
I'm trying so hard, to figure it out,
Why won't you tell me what it's all about?
You can never imagine the pain I feel,
You left me a wound I cannot heal
Why do you love her? Why can't you love me?
I can't let you do this, I just can't let it be
This is way too painful, no longer can I pretend,
That I don't love you, cause you love my best friend
He looked up at an expectant Nick. "Good lyrics…but you don't have to make it rhyme" he expressed as he handed the loose page back to Nick.
"June wrote it… not me"
Brian's eyes widened in surprise. "So the whole thing about…" he began as Nick just nodded regretfully.
"Can you talk to her for me?" he questioned hopefully.
Brian sighed as he threw a friendly arm around his friend's slumping shoulders. "Nick, they're already gone… give it a break… it's over"
"But I feel I owe her something…" he argued insistently, pain evident in his eyes. "I put her through all that… and now I'm just walking away…"
"It's okay Nick… it was just a game… they'll get over it"
"I know I won't" Nick muttered as he took a seat and propped his hand on his forehead rubbing it methodically as if it would help. Don't you see... they were my friends, away from all…this" he pointed to his hotel room in disgust. "For a while, they were my sanctuary, away from this chaos"
"It was a game, Nick, a GAME" Brian stressed pointedly as he grabbed a bottle of dark fizzy liquid from the mini refrigerator and popped it open. "You don't get emotionally involved in a game."
"I know that" Nick snapped. "But I did... and that makes it different…" he paused. "Cos we can't play games... the only game we play is called "beat the opposition" he snarled sarcastically. "Do you know what Caitlyn told me today?"
Brian shook his head as he took a seat on one of the plush couches.
"She told me she had a boyfriend" he revealed bitterly as he traced the pattern on the carpet with the toe of his sneaker.
He glanced at Nick's crumpling face. "She played the game her way, huh?"
"And didn’t she pitch well…all the way to my shattered soul…" he commented sarcastically. "I guess what goes around, comes around" he quoted half-heartedly.
"Nick…"
"What?" he barked back.
"Welcome to the world of adults…you've made it" Brian smiled sympathetically.
Nick looked confused for a moment. "I proved my point too well" he grumbled.
"Well, are you gonna do it for me or not?" Nick asked, changing the subject as he got up.
"Okay, I'll ring June…" Brian agreed as he left the room.
Nick sighed and looked out the hotel window, to a world he didn't know, but served. A place where he was admired and adorned with love for being glorified prankster, heart throb and the "baby" of the group Nick Carter, but not the one who loved Nintendo and spent days just hanging and playing basketball. To him, the world seemed like a prison; the crime- being famous.
Am I all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense any more
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
"The Lover After Me" (Darren Hayes/ Daniel Jones),
Affirmation- Savage Garden
©Warner Music Group Company (P) + © 1999 Roadshow Entertainment Pty Ltd