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Friday, February 11, 2005
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Topic: { * eVerythiNg * }
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Jump -- Simple Plan
How can I have a mostly awesome day like yesterday and have it turned around and thrown in my face??? Yesterday was turning out absolutely wonderful and then they had to go ruin it. Why can't my parents just get a frigging divorce and get it over with??? I can move out and even take Steven if they want. Greg can take care of himself. With Greg in school, me working and in college and taking care of Steven, Mom can get a full-time job or whatever. I can wait till Greg graduates or moves out so Mom can take care of Steven and then I can leave. Steven will be 11. By the time he's ten he can take care of himself. I was taking care of Greg when I was seven.

I don't see what's so hard about this.

Except that my dad would have visitation rights with Steven and none of us want the two of them to be alone together. None of us being me, my mom and Greg.

If Steven were older. He's already getting the worst of it, because half the time he's involved with their fighting. He's my parents' favorite. So Greg is constantly picking on him and so on. Therefore, my parents yell at Greg and my dad smacks him and pushes him around {question: why won't Greg just fight back??} and Greg pushes me around and it just goes around in a big ridiculous circle. Steven hits people, Greg hits people, and they learned it from my dad.

If Steven grows up and acts like my dad ... or worse, like me ... it'll be my fault. I don't want him to be like me and he already is because he's around me so much ... he said to me the other day, "Why are you always gone? Do you hate me?" I almost cried. Way back when my grandfather died {mom's dad} and my mom kept leaving, I always stayed behind and took care of Steven. Then she would come back and Steven would complain because his little routine was disrupted. Mom would glare at me, like it was my fault, and I wanted to say to her, "What do you expect? You made me his mother for six weeks. You ran away, not me. It's your fault."

My parents are tearing my world apart bit by bit and blaming me. This is just perfect. I can't help it that Steven and I are close. I can't help it that Steven wants to be like me. I CAN make sure that doesn't happen. I don't want him to be this angry, like I am, all the time. I don't want him to feel like every time they fight, it's his fault. I don't want him to think that no one loves him, that it's impossible to love him. To feel like nothing he does is good enough. I don't want him to be like me. Is that too much to ask?

I don't want him to have to hurt as much as I did when I was his age. I don't want him to hurt as much as I do now.


Love and Kisses, Ducki at 10:09 AM EST | Permalink | Share This Post | Post Comment | View Comments (2) |

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Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 8:52 PM EST

Name: ashley

they don't care about you. you're nothing but a slut. all you do is sleep with men so they'll like you and they still don't care about you. i bet that's why you're sleeping with josh, because you know he doesn't really like you and you think that if you give him what he really wants then he'll like you. it won't work. when he's tired of f*ing you, then what? what are you gonna do? the "best thing" to happen to you will dump your sorry derriere and you'll sit there crying because you knew it wouldn't work all along. he won't marry you. not unless you get pregnant, and even then he'll only marry you if he's halfway decent.

Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 4:39 PM EST

Name: Erika

You know Ashley I think you're Jealous!
It's true, you're jealous that she's finally found someone who makes her happy and you can't.

I think you're the slut.
You have how many boyfriends and girl friends.
Think about that before you call someone a a slut. Especially after the fact that Josh and Diana haven't done anything with eachother yet.

Get over it.
You're just pissed because he has what you want.

Since that's the case take it up with him.

his e-mail, which Diana deleted is obscuress@yahoo.com