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Wednesday, February 2, 2005
but to you ... this means nothing ... nothing at all ...
Topic: * \ relatiionshiips / *
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: In A Perfect World -- Simple Plan
OK. Yes, I am stupid. Yes, I am plain. Yes, I'm one of those people that no one likes and I'm sooo lucky that Josh loves me. Yes, I do stupid things {like starting this whole ... whatever you want to call it}. I'm sorry. It's what I do: mess things up.

I know, I know. I should be locked into a dark dark closet and never let out because I wreak havoc on everyone's world. I only make everything difficult. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I really should just disappear off the face of the earth.

Yes, I am aware that I'm practically worthless. I'm not special. I'm nobody. I know. So maybe I should just ... I dunno. What do you want me to do??

I'm lucky I have friends at all. I'm irritating and a nuisance and so on and so forth. I can't do anything right. Every relationship I've had, I've screwed up. Yes, I know that I deserved all the stuff that happened to me with various guys. Because of all the stupid stuff I did or said.

I had a dream last night where I was still going out with Joe and for some obscure reason, we were in the mall. There was this really deep cut on my face, and I was running through the mall trying to hide my face so no one could see it. Joe was following me, cursing at me and yelling at me. I ended up hiding in Hot Topic {lol} and trying to keep myself from bleeding to death. It was scary. I could practically feel blood on my face and it stung when I woke up. I woke up crying and completely freaked out. I was scared to death because I thought for a minute or two that I was really bleeding and then I was too upset to go back to sleep.

Yeah I know. I deserved all that. All the stupid things I've done and said. All my fault.

"Stop telling me I'm pretty because I know I'm not."
"I'm standing out here in the pouring rain so you can't see me crying."
"I'm a lost cause, not a hero."
"I'm a nightmare, a disaster, that's what they always say."

I don't deserve Josh. I don't deserve anyone. I'm not worth it. You people are right. I'm absolutely nobody.

"How can you love me if I don't love myself?"
I want to forget the pain....


Love and Kisses, Ducki at 8:27 PM EST | Permalink | Share This Post | Post Comment | View Comments (14) |
Updated: Wednesday, February 2, 2005 8:39 PM EST

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Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 10:36 PM EST

Name: Josh

You are worth it, your worth everything.

I don't deserve you, or the happiness you give me.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 11:30 PM EST

Name: Crayola

If you didn't deserve to be with each other, the you wouldn't have each other.

Please love each other, and don't let go of what you have.
I'm happy for the both of you.


Diana I'm sorry I was a b*tch before.

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 8:58 AM EST

Name: ashley

you are an idiot and everything but i still love you diana. and not many people like stupid people like you. why can't you see that everyone else is just using you and i'm the one who really loves you??

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 9:17 AM EST

Name: Crayola

All right, once again you're insulting her.

Right here above thi comment is two insults.
You called her an idiot, and stupid.

Wow!

But wait you said you weren't insulting her.
But you are, and you're tying to make her feel bad.

It's obvious you trying to fill a void in your meaningless existence.
There are more people out there, quit being a b*tch and grow up.

It's funny Josh says he only wants everyone to be friends, and there shouldn't be any hostility between everyone.

All you want to do is tear down everything that's making Diana happy so you can bring some kind of fullfilment to your own life.

Sweet heart get some closure, because you're creeping out Natalie, Erika, me, Josh, and most of all Diana.

Man you're one creepy B*tch!

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 9:26 AM EST

Name: Erika

Heather's right.


Diana, this girl's ridiculous.
Something is obviously wrong with her in the head!
Cause she's creepy.

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 9:34 AM EST

Name: Erika

Oh yeah why's Lyxanna's blog on link for this site anyway.

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 8:38 PM EST

Name: Natalie

May be you should moov your blog and tell every one but Ashly.

If you could I would tell you to change your tely # but.... you can't sorry.

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 10:16 PM EST

Name: Erika

That's what I told Josh to tell her

Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 10:23 PM EST

Name: Truncated

You know this is probably not anyof my business but, I think I just read Josh's blog from a link from this blog.

I assume this is Diana's blog, and that My open world is Josh's.

Assuming this I think, and this is just my personal opinion, that Ashley should shut the hell up and leave Diana and Josh the hell alone, considering what I've read he really must love her.

Just a random comment from a random person.

Friday, February 4, 2005 - 1:11 PM EST

Name: ~*aShLeY*~

tell me one thing, diana ... are you fucking him?? or are you playing the sweet innocent blonde role again?? does josh know about that summer?? did you tell him about what you did yet?? has he made you feel worthless yet?? i'll be impresed if you haven't done it yet. that'll be a record for you ... four months without screwing. amazing ... it only took you three days with me ... or maybe you just move faster with chicks?? are you sure you aren't a lesbian, you stupid blonde?? why don't you tell everyone why you have lyxanna's blog link?? this is getting ridiculous ... why don't you just give josh up and come back to me?? i know you still want me and i'll take you back ... *muah*

Friday, February 4, 2005 - 1:19 PM EST

Name: *~ashley~*

you don't know anything why don't you screw off?? i love her more than he does

Friday, February 4, 2005 - 1:22 PM EST

Name: *~aShLeY~*

i am not insulting her. it's the truth, she's a stupid blonde and an idiot and a freak. how can you say that i don't want diana to be happy?? i'm trying to keep her from getting heartbroken! josh is just going to use her for her body and then leave her. i don't want to see that happen to her because i love her and i don't want to see her unhappy and hurt. and i'm not creepy!

Friday, February 4, 2005 - 1:25 PM EST

Name: ~*aShLeY*~

and who are you?? bitch you're trying to take her away from me too aren't you????

Friday, February 4, 2005 - 2:17 PM EST

Name: Erika

You are one stupid b*tch who needs to fuck off.