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Sunday, January 30, 2005
Life #6 Is MIA
Topic: { me }
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Welcome To My Life -- Simple Plan
I have lots of lives. I have my school life. My work life. My home life. My friends-etc. life. My Web life. I don't have a life of my own.

Seems weird but it's true. When I'm in my room, I don't have time for myself. I'm getting dressed or cleaning up or getting something or putting something away. Or sleeping. I need a room life. {Shut up, Kelly. Not that kind of room life. Talk to Ashley. She'll tell you. I'm not telling. Ashley shouldn't tell either but we all know she will anyway. As long as no one tells you-know-who. He doesn't know and it's something I don't want brought up again.} Maybe a me life sounds better. My own life. Some time where I can just chill and sit and quietly contemplate stuff.

This is why I haven't screwed anything up lately. I have no time to think about what I'm doing. I have to just do it. {Nike. Oh god. I'm Nike and I'm just doing it. Wonderful. No wonder you people call me ... that special name. Leave me alone. Lmao Ashley. Keep it quiet, please.}

Not only am I sarcastic, I'm having the damned dream again. And I know a certain someone will threaten to tell about it so I'll do it on here and beat her to it. Months ago, I had a really weird dream. I'm NOT going to say exactly what happened, but after that dream I had a really hard time remembering I was female. Well, not that I was female, but that I was supposed to act like a female. {Think girly thoughts!! Lmao.} It was bad. Very bad. And now it's back. I don't know why. I don't have any girl crushes. Not that I know of, at least. And I'm bouncing back and forth between being really girly {ack} and being ... not girly.

Which is messing me up because I start with the re-questioning and wondering just what is wrong with me exactly. I always thought that being bi meant I liked guys and girls pretty much equally and it generally stayed balanced. But noooo. That would just be too simple. Instead, I bounce like a freaking bouncy ball. The funny part? The more not-girly I feel, the more girly I dress. It's ridiculous.

Kelly and Ahs and whoever else is after me, don't screw me up any more than I already am! Ashley, no more with the calling and the tears and the telling me how much you miss me and love me and you want me back because it's not working. {OK maybe a little bit but I'm not coming back. You just make me feel guilty. And no calling Josh and talking to him either. I swear to god I will kick your ass if you do because I know what you want to tell him and that is not happening.} Kelly knows I'm not gonna do anything with her. Two reasons. She's in Philly. And the only way she could get me to do it is if she got me extremely drunk. Which she can't do.

Anyway. Back to my lives. Sorry, I got a bit distracted. Eh. Maybe I need to address my bouncing sexuality more than I need to address my lack of a personal life. I swear it's a curse to be bi sometimes.

I'm really tempted to completely spill, but there are people who read this that would freak out and hate me and run far far away from me and I don't want that to happen. So I'm going to shut up for now.


Love and Kisses, Ducki at 6:41 PM EST | Permalink | Share This Post | Post Comment | View Comments (7) |

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Monday, January 31, 2005 - 9:35 AM EST

Name: Kelly

ahs told me a long time ago ducki. it's not that bad honestly. i wish you'd do that with me ... or TO me! *wink* LOL!

what do you mean i can't get you extremly drunk? hello? remember last summer? i wanna talk to josh!!

Monday, January 31, 2005 - 4:59 PM EST

Name: ashley

seriously diana you should tell him especially if its bothering you now ... it was fun ... you know you liked it and i liked it and theres nothing wrong with it ... according to everyone except kelly and kelly, youre fucking insane bitch ... when do i get to talk to josh??? you cant let kelly talk to him and not me cause thats not fair ... and yeah i told kelly a long time ago a few days after it happened actually ... she really likes you ... if you feel like you want to be with a girl instead of a guy then you should ask her out or me ... i'd go out with you ... i miss you and i think about you all mafuggin the time cause i swear to god i love you ... *muah* ... lemme talk to josh!!

Monday, January 31, 2005 - 8:14 PM EST

Name: Natalie

you girls are sad, rilly sad. Just leev her alone ok!

p.s. diana, you say I blab to much?

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 9:50 AM EST

Name: Erika

I think that you should let them talk to Josh.
You know he loves you and nothing they say to him could change his mind.

You know that right!

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 4:01 PM EST

Name: Diana

Huh? When did I say that?

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 4:03 PM EST

Name: Diana

No no no no. I don't trust Kelly around anyone. Ashley would just complain to Josh how much she deserves me and how he only got me because I'm looking for someone to replace her existence in my life -- which is bullshit and everyone knows it. {She really needs to get over it.}

Damn it I never should have said anything. Since I don't like the idea of me erasing something I wrote, I'm not going to delete the entry from my blog. But I still regret saying anything.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 4:05 PM EST

Name: Diana

Quit kissing me.