Topic: ~ * today * ~
Mood:
Now Playing: Holiday -- Green Day
Tired ... so tired ....
I didn't know putting books away was so blasted tiring. You wouldn't think it is. But jeez. Maybe it's just me. I dunno. What worries me is when I start class too. I have work MW, class TTh. Which means that I have work the day between classes. How am I going to get all this crap done? Throw in babysitting and the various other parts of my life and I may go nuts.
So I should be glad to have this part of the week where I'm not really doing anything. I should be relaxing tomorrow, and most of Wednesday {which is my birthday anyway, even if I do have work}. I should be chill. Instead, I have this nagging feeling that I should be doing something. I can't relax because I feel like I should be moving and accomplishing things. Grr.
I should relax with some chocolate and a good book and a long hot shower and the radio playing jazz tomorrow. Why do I know that it's not going to work that way?? Why can't I chill out??
Maybe it's stress. I'm stressing about class on Thursday. I'm stressing about not feeling ready and wishing I had more time. I'm stressing about work {already?!} and how I'm going to coordinate the homework and the work so I get it all done and pass the classes with the perfect A's my parents are expecting of me AND doing the perfect job at work that they're expecting of me.
Hell, I'm stressing about little shit like this cold I have and whether I really have to have new shoes {the ones I wear most of the time now have holes in the heels, but they can last till spring if they have to} and what to do with my birthday money. Should I spend it at all? Or should I save it? If I save it, I'll be that closer to getting my own car. If I move out when I turn 18, I'll need a car. I won't get the one I'm driving now, as far as I know. And if I need a car, I need money to buy a car. {No, my parents won't help me. Please. My parents? That's a laugh.}
What I really want to do is nothing. I want to be able to chill. Grrr.
For those of you who don't know by now, I'm in that place where I'm getting un-depressed and I have some energy, but not quite enough to deal with my life -- plus this cold is draining me slowly. I'm entering my manic phase. Woohoo. I can make so many morbid, freaky jokes right about now ... but I won't. Nobody make me mad or upset, I now have the willpower and energy to kill myself. {Sorry, I couldn't resist lmao.}
I'm tired. I'm going to go ... something ... somewhere ... yeah ... god I am nuts ...