Topic: * my man *
Mood:
Now Playing: Losing Grip -- Avril Lavigne
I have been thrown, tumbled, dumped, shoved, and kicked back into my whirlwind of confusion. In other words, I have relapsed into my breakdown. In other other words, my lyfe is still falling apart and as usual it's because of my goddamn relationship problems.
*breathes*
OK. Now, I'm not sure why, but I kept thinking yesterday and maybe I'm not so content with my current boyfriend. Yes, that's the most secure and stable relationship I see at the moment, but I don't want to plan out my lyfe and be locked down for the rest of my lyfe either! I'm 16!! I don't care if he finds this and reads it, I'm going to make my list.
1) He gets needy/clingy.
2) He's too sensitive sometimes. (A lot of times.)
3) He's too serious.
4) He gets overprotective and possessive.
5) He's jealous as hell.
Shall I stop? You get my point. On the other hand....
1) He buys me things.
2) He goes out of his way for me.
3) He's nice to me.
4) He makes me laugh.
5) He doesn't try to hurt me.
I don't know. I'm very confused. If I break up with him now, I'm going to feel twice as bad because he's having one of his needy "days." I'm scared to break up with him because at least with him I know I'll have a future. I think. But I'm too young to want to do that, to be in such a goddamn serious relationship and have to worry about it all the time! I hate this. Maybe I should just get it over with.
I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand so now I leave without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground.