(01:24:30) Seraphil: Let's put them on the silliest spaceship we can think of
(01:24:39) NewtypeS3: Heart of Gold?
(01:24:46) AmuroNT1: Perfect.
(01:24:55) Seraphil: What's that?
(01:32:22) AmuroNT1: Heart of Gold is from Hitchhiker's Guide. They describe it as in inverted tennis shoe, and its drive lets it go anywhere in the universe by manipulating reality.
(01:32:44) NewtypeS3: Yep. Pretty much anything can happen when it's piloted...
(01:32:53) AmuroNT1: It literally bends space so that the place where you start and the place you want to go are touching, so you can just fly there normally.
(01:33:15) Seraphil: Go for it.
(01:33:22) NewtypeS3: Sweet.
(01:33:31) AmuroNT1: Of course, if you don't program it, it has odd effects, like turning missiles into whales and such.
(01:33:38) AmuroNT1: And a pot of petunias. >_>
(01:33:42) NewtypeS3: Yeah....
(01:33:51) NewtypeS3: And, for some reason, the petunias were sentient...
(01:33:54) AmuroNT1: Oh no, not again.
(01:33:55) Seraphil: Well, I know nothing about hitchhiker's Guide, so... >.>;
(01:34:08) NewtypeS3: Don't worry, neither do our characters.
(01:34:14) NewtypeS3: ...in theory.
(01:34:15) AmuroNT1: Sorry, it's just an oddity from the first book that Adams decided to expand upon in the sequels.
(01:34:33) NewtypeS3: Yeah. ^^'''
(01:34:46) AmuroNT1: Ajjarag, his name was?
(01:34:52) Seraphil: Buh?
(01:35:09) AmuroNT1: NM, it's a spoiler, and EVERYONE ought to read the Trilogy.
(01:35:15) NewtypeS3: Yep. Long story.
(01:35:59) NewtypeS3: Anyway, shall we MST? Or should we get the plot down somehow?
(01:36:05) AmuroNT1: I was just going to ask.
(01:36:43) NewtypeS3: Well, I don't know much about SRW.... ^^'''
(01:37:15) AmuroNT1: The intro doesn't matter too much. Ser or I can help you with it later.
(01:37:24) NewtypeS3: True.
(01:37:25) Seraphil: Yeah. MST first, plot later.
(01:37:28) AmuroNT1: Either that, or we can just use general anime characters and not have to worry.
(01:37:42) NewtypeS3: It's what I always do. And either way, I still want Gai... >>
(01:38:44) Seraphil: Foolish Virgos! Ye Planate Defensers help ye not against mine beams of death no longer!
(01:38:56) NewtypeS3: [Laughs.]
(01:39:01) AmuroNT1: Playing SRW D.
(01:39:15) Seraphil: Yep
(01:39:22) NewtypeS3: I see... I could easily go with 'Damn you, Neo Granzon...'
(01:39:26) AmuroNT1: So, shall we get to it?
(01:39:36) NewtypeS3: Sure. SRW characters, I assume?
(01:39:47) AmuroNT1: Whatever you wanna go with.
(01:39:49) Seraphil: Camille just OHKO three Virgo IIs with Re-GZ's beam rifle
(01:39:57) NewtypeS3: Sweet...
(01:40:05) AmuroNT1: Though I may change Kouji to Heero just so I'm using a character I'm better with.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NewtypeS3 / S3 the Demon Godling: Gai Daigouji / Jiro Yamada
AmuroNT1: Heero Yuy
Seraphil: Zengar Zombolt

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>G-Gundam Smut Chronicles

Gai: S-smut...?
Heero: (pulls out gun) If Master Asia is in this, I'm using this.
Zengar: ...

>Domon's new technique: Erupting Burning Cock

Heero: Next time, on Mobile Fighter G-Gundam: "War in the Pocket! Domon vs VD"
Gai: New technique? This can't be bad... [Sighs.] Like Gekiganger... ^^

> Domon Kasshu's Burning Gundam falls again to the frantic attack of Noble Gundam
>under both the influence of its berserker system and its pilot's own mental state.

Gai: Yeah! This is how a real fight should be! [Stands up and starts cheering Domon on.]
Heero: See Sentence run on. Run on, Sentence, run on.
Zengar: He must try harder. And I am not referring to Kasshu.

> Allenby Beardsley, fully enraged struck Domon's Gundam as they fought their semi
>finals match.

Zengar: Your lack of proper punctuation is not enough to defeat me!
Gai: Go! Go! Don't let that... [Pauses.] Girl? Since when can a girl pilot a super robot?
Heero: Better not say that to Kusuha, or she'll make you try her health drinks. (shudder)
Zengar: No, if Kusuha was to offer her health drink, Bullet would sacrifice his self to save the rest of us. He is a noble student of mine.

>"Allenby are these cold fists really yours?" Domon asked as he picked himself off the
>ground thinking about the lively girl she had just been moments ago when they were
>enjoying their match.

Gai: ...she's dead?
Heero: I hate it when people get into bed with cold feet...or fists...or whatever.

> Now, she was devoid of all emotion. "What could possibly have happened to her?"

Zengar: I see that certain young blue-haired children have much in common.
Heero: I was about to say...

>"DOMON."

Gai: .....I don't wanna go there...
Heero: The audience...is now deaf.
Zengar: Fool! Such a battle cry is ineffective without proper massing of exclamation points!!!

>Allenby truly hated this moment herself, losing control of her own body and forced to
>fight a man she considered a friend…

Zengar: Hmm. I sense hypocrisy abound. Was she not devoid of emotion just moments ago?

>and more… was making her suffer too much. She lashed out catching Burning in the face.

Heero: (as South Burning) Dammit! I was so close to retirement!
Zengar: I do believe the Lieutenant is much too old for her.
Gai: [Is completely enraputred by the show.]

>"Neo Japan's Burning Gundam is getting hammered badly,

Gai: Never drink and pilot...
Heero: I told him not do drink Everclear straight...
Zengar: Hammered? Sounds familiar. Is Goldymarg around here?

>can Domon Kasshu maintain his bid to win all his matches? Or is about to fall to the
>beautiful Allenby Beardsley?"
>Domon personally swore to have his cockpit ignore the announcers broadcasts during
>matches. "That voice is getting really irritating."

Heero: He can stand having molten latex formed over his body again and again, but he can't shut out a single announcer?
Gai: You know, that's not as painful as that sounds... [Pauses.] And don't ask.
Zengar: Aye.

>He pulled himself off the rocks. "But she has a point about Allenby…"
>"DOMON."

Gai: ...that voice does not sound right...
Heero: (cleaning out his ears) Someone get the volume control.
Zengar: LOUDER! STRONGER!! YOU MUST USE YOUR KIAI!!!

>"Ah crap!" A swift knee struck him across the midsection and he fell into a pile of rocks.

Zengar: Hmm. Is it me, or is this arena one big rockpile?

>He lay there for a bit, recuperating as the crowd considered this contest done. But the King
>of Hearts does not fall so easily.

Heero: Not unless he has a few beers in him, or you spin him around in a chair.
Zengar: If he does not fall easily, how did he end up in those rocks? I am somewhat confused here.
Gai: ...same here....
Heero: Hey, he IS hammered after all...

>And Allenby knew this too.
>She leapt into the dust storm of the crumbling mountain

Gai: I sence a dirt and rock theme...
Heero: She's a dirty girl, isn't she?

>and was immediately tackled by Burning Gundam. "Allenby stop this madness before
>you get either of us hurt."
>"DOMON, I can't help it. I…. DOMON."

Gai: ... I think our TV is busted...
Heero: Hey, author. See that funny-looking line above the 1 on your keyboard? It's called an exclamation point. Use it.
Gai: I always thought that was a cursive 1...
Zengar: LOUDER, I SAY AGAIN!!! And they call this a Super Robot show?

> She rolled him under her and began to slam down on him. Hard light generators pictured
>the image for Domon as he lay on the cockpit floor, Allenby straddled his legs and hips
>and slammed down on him.

Gai: [Freezes in place.]
Heero: And here we go...
Gai: This isn't like in Gekiganger...
Zengar: *Coughs, before retreating off-screen*

>Hey this is strange, its like she is fucking me or something.
>"Allenby, what are you playing at?"

Zengar: *Returns wearing a Daizengar mask* Ware wa Wodan Ymir. [Translation: I am Wodan Ymir.]
Gai: [Still frozen in place.]
Heero: Oh no, is this like that hentai where Ikari's Eva raped Zero?
Gai: [Stares at Heero, scoots away.]
Heero: ...I didn't make OR participate in it, genius.
"Wodan": Hmm. I never thought Kasshu knew the meaning of "fucking."

>She clocked his gundam head with her fist. "Shut up Domon, shut up!" With her
>baton's energy ribbon she tied the Burning Gundam's arms up and continued her pounding
>with his groin.

Gai: ........Super... Robot...S... and... M...?
Heero: I may have a high threshold for pain, but still... (winces)
"Wodan": Hmm... she has the proper exclamation points, but has neglected the capitalization from previously. Uh, not like I know what happened before, since I am Wodan Ymir, not this, uh, Zengar Zombolt character...
Heero: Whatever you say, "Char"...
Gai: [Looks at 'Wodan.'] Do I know you?
"Wodan": No.
Gai: Are you sure? I mean, I do know a lot of masked guys...
"Wodan": No.
Gai: Hmm.... [Sits back down, but still trying to figure it out.]
Heero: (sigh)

>She grabbed his tied up arms and forced them against her chest. Take a hint you fool!

Heero: (as Domon) Crap, crap...is it her birthday? Our anniversary?
Gai: [Jaw drops.] He's f-f-fondling that...
Heero: Pfft, he's a Super Robot hero. The only hint he can take is a blow to the head.
"Wodan": Hint? It is more like my smacking you upside the head with my Zankantou.
Heero: I thought Zankantou was Zengar's sword...
"Wodan": I, uh, have a second one.
Gai: [Glares at 'Wodan' again.] You sure we havn't run into each other before?
"Wodan": No, you haven't. But if you ever meet a man named Elzam or Retzel, tell him he owns Zengar Zombolt fifty dollars.
Gai: Ok, I'll do that.

>"What does she really want me to…okay, here I go!" She began to moan as his hands
>caused hardlight massages to take place on her breasts.
>"This Cock of Mine is Burning Red."

Gai: .....................................
Heero: (places his gun to his forehead)
Gai: [Grabs gun from Heero.] Hey! [Points it to his own head.] I use it first.
"Wodan": What does hardlight mean?
Heero: I don't know, but I could have sworn his hands were tied at his sides.
Gai: [Tosses gun.] Wait... [To Wodan] ... you paid attention to that...?
Heero: You don't suppose "hardlight" is his way of saying "medium", do you?
Gai: It's Super Robot stuff - I don't think we're supposed to question it...... [Stands up.] Like Gekiganger III!
"Wodan": Hmm... If his, ahem, cock is burning red... would that not hurt is that skin-tight outfit?
Heero: ...I fear the day you meet either Ryusei or Noriko.

>On his gundam's groin light pooled as his wings spread and the halo formed.
>"It Hard Shaft cries out for me…"

Gai: [Curls into the fetal position.] This isn't like Gekiganger... This isn't like Gekiganger... This isn't like Gekiganger...
"Wodan": Something tells me that someone is typing with one hand.
Heero: Perfect, God Gundam is about to grow some new "equipment". Couldn't this depraved freak just have written a normal, human/human lemon?
"Wodan": But then he would no longer be a depraved freak.
Gai: W-why? Would you rather read a lemon with Heero and Duo?
Heero: ... (brings out the gun)
Gai: [Hands shoot up.] Eep!
"Wodan": *Ignores the other two as he continues reading*

>The panel opened displaying the king of hearts crest.
>"To ream you silly."

Gai: [Hands still up.] Oh, that doesn't even make sence!
Heero: It just doesn't work the way his usual battle cries work.
"Wodan": Hmm... I wonder if... *Thinks, cocking head to one side*

>His gundam turned gold as their fighting suits exploded.
>"ERUPTING BURNING COCK!"

Gai: [Drops to the ground.] N-no...
Heero: I bet that hurt.
Gai: [Passes out for a second, comes to.] D-did you have to say that?
"Wodan": Hmm... I am Wodan Ymir, the "sword" of Magus...
Heero: Would you rather I said something like "It would have sounded better as 'Exploding God Penis'?"
Gai: [Vomits off to the side.]
"Wodan": I am the blade that cleaves all... Hmm...
Heero: (looks at "Wodan") Please, don't. It's bad enough having to see that sort of thing once.
"Wodan": *Huddles a little off to the corner, thinking ferociously* No, that's too broad... No, too vague... *Looks back at Heero* Uh, did you say something?
Heero: No, never mind.

>A cock of energy formed and stabbed up into the groin of Noble Gundam cauing Allenby
>to shriek in joy as a hardlight dildo slipped up her womb.

Heero: Ooooh...so by "hardlight", he means those energy forms that appear when you use a Mobile Trace System.
Gai: [Standing up again, slightly woozy.] What a finisher! That's a move I should use!
Heero: Wait a second...if he went straight into her womb...ow.
Gai: Exactly! Instant death for any male opponent!
"Wodan": Interestin... I mean, how, uh, depraved! Yes, depraved.
Heero: Way to go, Kasshu. A real master of foreplay, you are.

>Hard light forcefields surrounded Domon's hard cock as he looked up into Allenby's face,
>her soft features. Her blue hair and lithe body were so beautiful. As they came outside
>the berserker system exploded.

Gai: ...is that supposed to suggest something...?
Heero: "Came outside" as in left their Gundams, or...?
"Wodan": *Simply stares*

>A few minutes later, Domon carried Noble Gundam out of the crater in his arms and the
>fight was declared over. His speakers lit up. "Well folks, that fight will certainly go down
>in the books…"

Gai: ......
Heero: If by "books" you mean Playboy and Hustler...
"Wodan": Strange. Yamada is less talkative than you are, Heero Yuy.
Heero: I've seen worse. He hasn't.
Gai: [To 'Wodan.] It's Daigouji,Gai Daigouji.... and you're sure we've never met?
"Wodan": I am Wodan Ymir. That is all you need know.

>the announcers voice ran cold and her video image was a full red blush. "Assuming, we
>are allowed to put in the books.

Heero: Who wants to take bets on Rain's reaction? I say she'll throttle him.
Gai: Actually, she's not that bad... so long as you don't piss her off... [Pauses.] Oh...
"Wodan": Hmm... you know, that announcer woman is quite attractive...

>Domon and Allenby, standing in the Burning Gundam's cockpit naked blushed and looked
>at each other. "They saw," her lively voice injected.

Gai: [Flailing about.] I didn't wanna!
Heero: Wait, how'd Allenby get in God's cockpit? She was in Nobel the whole time.
Gai: Super Robot show. Don't question the Super Roboty stuff...
"Wodan": Yes, we saw all of it. EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!
Heero: Actually, it wasn't all that detailed for a sex scene. I've read worse in mainstream novels.

>"Apparently so, next time less of an audience and no suits."
>"Definitely."

Heero: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an unabashed Domon X Allenby fan.
"Wodan": So they shall fight naked in their Gundams? That would be interesting...
Heero: I thought the only person who could pilot a Mobile Fighter without a suit was...

>****
>Wong and Master Asia watched the two gundams walk away. Asia wore an amused
>smirk while Wong looked deeply disturbed. "I hope you weren't proud of that display."

Gai: At least SOMEONE was disturbed! GAH!
"Wodan": I thought Wong was enamored with Allenby.
Heero: (as Master) Stupid pupil! Real masters of Tohou Fuahi-Ryuu Sexy No Jutsu would have used the Flying Crane position!
Gai: [Looks at Heero, scoots away.]
"Wodan": Interesting. I must meet this Master Asia and inquire about these techniques...
Gai: [Looks at 'Wodan.' Scoots back away... and is now back in the middle.]
Heero: Hey, you try acting emotionally subdued for fifty episodes and see how well you take it.
Gai: Hey, I DIED in the third episode!
Heero: …touché.
"Wodan": By the way, Yamada. Do you like swords? I like swords.
Heero: (dryly) Welcome to Corneria.

>"On the contray, I am quite impressed that Domon could sustain such an attack realize what
>his opponent wanted, and then deliver exactly what they wanted.

Gai: He's talking about Domon, right?
"Wodan": I sense more one-handed typing.
Heero: What, she didn't want any foreplay first? No roses, no candle-lit dinner, no massages? Man, have I been doing things wrong...

>His execution of the rolling kneeling thrust was expertly done and he managed to
>outlast Allenby."
>Wong looked at him and seemed to be tilting toward a boiling rage. "I beg your
>pardon."

Gai: .........
Heero: I guess Master likes to watch.
"Wodan": Hmm. Master Asia has a good eye. Better than mine, even.

>"What you think we just practice martial arts for fighting?" Asia walked away amid a
>hail of laughter. Well done Domon, you finally started to figure out why you are called
>the King of Hearts.

Gai: ...I am never going near a martial artist as long as I live.

"Wodan": Uh... somehow this heavily implies that Master Asia did some personal training with Kasshu...

Heero: Well, Domon DID spend most of his teenage years in the mountains of Guyana with Master as his only human companion...

"Wodan": And with that, I shall take my leave! I am Wodan Ymir! Remember my name! *Ducks out*

Heero: So, it's either Master or the animals.

Gai: [Looks at Heero.] You need help.

Heero: Hey, don't blame me for delivering the facts.

Gai: [Pauses, tries to refute, fails.]

Zengar: *Walks back into the room* Hello there. Pardon my absence, I was using the latrine. What did I miss?

Gai: Someone came in, looking kinda like you...

Heero: (looking at Zengar) You're friends with Clark Kent, aren't you?

Zengar: Whatever could you mean?

Gai: [Looks confused.] What does that minor character in Superman have to do with this?

Heero: (resigned) ...Never mind.

Gai: Aww.... [Opens the newest issue of Spiderman.] Now, why do they focus on Peter Parker so much...?
[They leave the theater, into the Heart of Gold.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heero: You know, I noticed something in that fic.

Gai: Hm?

Zengar: By the way, if you ever meet a man named Elzam or Retzel, tell him he owns me fifty dollars.

Heero: The author seemed to be one of those guys with absolutely no knowledge of the female anatomy.

Gai: [To Zengar.] You know, Wodan asked me the same thing... [Pauses, to Heero.] Hey, you're right...

Heero: You know, with his idea that the womb is the first thing beyond a woman's...well, you know.

Gai: It isn't? [Pauses, noticing Heero's death glare.] Ok, so I failed anatomy.

Heero: No, there are a lot of inticate and intimate parts that you have to stimulate if you don't want to end up sleeping on the couch in the poolhouse. (muttering) ...Like last month...

Gai: ...and you know this from...?

Zengar: Ah, yes, that is true. It probably does not feel very good for a female to have something inserted in the womb. You know how much they complain about having things come OUT of there...

Heero: (out loud) Anyway, look on the bright side. Maybe it means that they can't sacrifice her to the Devil Gundam this time.

Gai: But that was freaking cool! [Pauses.] Oh, wait, that was Rain.

Heero: So to stop the Devil Gundam, we just need to get everyone on Earth laid so they can't be virgin sacrifices. (looks at pictures of Michelo and Chapman) ...On second thought, I think I'd rather just fight the damned Mass Production Grandmaster Gundams...

Gai: ....I need to get out more...

Zengar: YOU SHALL NOT LAY A HAND ON IRUI! *Brandishes katana*

Gai: [Runs off - only to run into a wall.]

Heero: (katana at his face) Hey, do I look like Char to you?

Gai: [Somehow mostly unharmed.] Come on... we need to settle this like REAL men... [Pauses.] ...and that's with a robot battle!

Zengar: That does not mean you will refrain from taking advantage of adult Irui... what with her lusciously long sparkling hair, full and beautiful lips, and those wonderful, wonderful curves...

Heero: (scooting away) You ARE talking about the Guneden version aren't you?

Gai: You have issues... [Pauses.] Where's Wodan?

Zengar: *Suddenly realizes what he is saying* I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT BODY!!! *Starts slashing at the wall with his sword*

Gai: ...aren't we in space...?

Heero: Well, I'm going to see if there's any tea on this spaceship. Have fun dulling your blade. (leaves)

Gai: I'm coming too... maybe I can find some Gekiganger stuff somehow... [Leaves.]

Zengar: *Starts chasing Gai in a crazed fashion, waving his katana madly*

Gai: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! [Runs past Heero.]

Heero: Leave me out of this...

Zengar: I am Zengar Zombolt! This sword of mine glows with an awesome power!

Gai: This isn't an anime!

Heero: Scratch the tea, I'm looking for some alcohol instead.

Zengar: Its fearsome cry entices me to hurt you! Badly!

Gai: For god's sake! This isn't right!

Zengar: *Suddenly stops and sheathes sword as a small beeping is heard from his watch* Ah. Coffee time. *Goes off to fix himself some*

Gai: [Cowers in the corner, faints.]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Credits:

S3, the Demon Godling / NewtypeS3 as Gai Daigouji
AmuroNT1 as Heero Yuy
Seraphil as Zengar Zombolt
And
Zengar Zombolt as Wodan Ymir

Original fic by: I don't care. It's that bad.

Script: NewtypeS3, AmuroNT1 and Seraphil

Plot by: We had one?

Cool music listened to while writing by: bestanime.com

Special thanks to:
-The creators of MST3K
-AmuroNT1 and Seraphil, for participating in this
-Everyone at Gamefaqs for making this concievable, somehow.

Stinger:

"ERUPTING BURNING COCK!"