+ + +

“So who’s this bird we’re talking about then?”

“We weren’t talking about any bird.”

The sinking feeling that Harry had experienced five minutes ago when Seamus suddenly materialised at his table in the Great Hall out of thin air, wearing a grin that would not have looked out of place on a deranged mastermind, was now escalating into a drowning feeling as he realized what Seamus was trying to dig out from him.

“Oh, come along, Harry! Don’t be a secretive bastard!” Seamus cajoled, inviting glares from Padma and Parvati as they passed with their lunches. They both threw Harry big smiles as they walked by. Harry smiled back weakly.

“I mean, everybody knows you’ve got that special feeling!” Seamus chirped on, oblivious to the ears that were perking up all over the room. Ginny cast a curious look at Harry, then blushed and looked away.

“Will you sit down!” Harry hissed at Seamus, pulling him down by the front of his robes.

Seamus landed on the bench with a loud “Thud” and started to massage his bottom. “Ow. Mate.”

“Sorry.” Harry’s face coloured.

“No harm done.” Seamus brightened. “So anyway, who is this bird you have a massive thing for? It’s not really what’s-her-name like Ron said, is it?”

Harry’s fork froze in mid-air. “What did Ron say?”

“Oh my, we’ve been outed have we?” Seamus looked delighted.

“Outed?” Harry squeaked.

“Given away, as they say?” The smile on Seamus’s face was threatening to crack open his face. “Don’t worry, Harry, I’m on your side. She is wickedly sexy, even if she is supposed to be, you know,” His voice became a conspiratorial whisper. “Off limits.”

“Off limits.” Harry looked rather perplexed. “Yeah.”

The doors to the Great Hall suddenly swung open loudly and Harry’s vision drifted over to the entrance and stayed there. Seamus only noticed this after a good five minutes of one-sided chatter on the sexual pros and cons of a clandestine relationship, and he frowned when he finally caught on.

“Why has your face gone all red?”

“Hmmm?” Harry swallowed, pulling his eyes away from whatever he was looking at. “No it’s not.”

“You’re red as a tomato.” Seamus was looking more suspicious by the second. “Your eyes are all misty too.” His eyes widened as they travelled down. “Merlin, even your hands are shaking! She’s here isn’t she?”

Seamus twisted around in his seat to hopefully catch a glimpse of Harry’s new love interest, but he turned back with a pout after only a few seconds.

“Nobody there except Malfoy. Really Harry, getting a bloke all excited for nothing.”

“Hahaha. You’re right. I’m sorry.” Harry laughed, looking as if he were about to faint. “Um. Seamus. Do you mind if I have a little bit of privacy?”

Seamus was disappointed that he wasn’t going to find out more about Harry’s crush, but he wasn’t a nosy person, thank god. He rose from the table, already spotting Dean across the Hall. “Alright Harry. And Harry?”

“Yes?” Harry looked up from the baked beans he was brutally stabbing.

“NAIL THAT BIRD UP THE ARSE!”

Harry stared at Seamus with his mouth wide open before covering the side of his face with a hand and slowly sliding down his seat as his schoolmates stared. The teachers coughed uncomfortably.

“No, really, I don’t care what you say; it is the biggest compliment you can pay to a woman if she can take it up the buttock!” Seamus insisted, oblivious to the looks he was getting.

Snape rolled his eyes. “As if I didn’t know that.”

He took one look at Professor Sprout’s horrified face and realised that the entire Great Hall had long since fallen into silence and everyone had heard his last comment.

“I mean, I didn’t know that. Not that I’d want to know that! It’s not like I fancy young girls.” Snape laughed thickly and Blaise brazenly lowered his dark eyes in his direction. “Or boys!”

A disappointed moan sounded somewhere in the dining hall and Snape glared.

“Sorry.” Neville blushed.

“I - ten points from Gryffindor!” Snape ordered, looking extremely aggravated.

Snape paused. “And Zabini.”

Blaise looked up hopefully.

“Detention after school for three hours. With me.”

With his right hand, Snape started to stroke the thick candle next to his plate up and down suggestively.

Blaise gurgled.

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake, at least pretend to set a good example!” McGonagall slapped Snape’s hand away. She faced Seamus gravely. “Finnegan, you will return to your seat this moment and refrain from making anymore tasteless comments with sexual overtones. One wonders if you’ve even had the experience to justify giving such expert advice.”

A low “Oooooh.” started to move through the Great Hall at McGonagall’s bold remark.

“I could offer him plenty of experience.” Snape’s eyes narrowed at Seamus appreciatively, making him squirm. He looked around and saw that everyone was staring at him again.

“Eat your food.” He ordered coolly.

+ + +

A familiar hand fell upon Ron’s chess set, knocking the pieces over. The red queen shrieked and the black knight immediately rode over to help her up amidst many mutterings of “Traitor.” from both sides.

“Hello, Harry.” Hermione greeted him without looking, her nose still stuck in a book.

“Hallo Har – er.” Ron stammered as he saw the murderous expression on his best friend’s face.

“What. Did. You. Tell. Seamus.” Harry ground out.

“Alright…alright.” Ron held up his hands to protect himself. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to get mad.”

Ron closed his eyes and prepared for the worst.

The chess pieces leaned forward in interest.

Less than a second later, there came from the Gryffindor Common Room a yell so deafening that the windows rattled and all the doves flew off the roof of Hogwarts in a mad flurry of feathers.

Down in his dungeons, Snape heard the drawn out shout and felt the ceiling vibrate.

“Hmmm. Somebody’s been outed.” He mused.

+ + +

“Pansy?”

“I’m really sorry, Harry.”

“Pansy?”

“He kept needling me for more information. I had to name someone or he wouldn’t go away! I know you’re a little shocked, but -”

“Shocked?” Harry snapped out of his dazed state and blinked. “Ron, I am not shocked. I -I am traumatized. I am paralyzed.” He put his head in his hands. “Oh God.”

“It’s really not such a big deal, Harry. At least I didn’t say who you were really lusting after…”

“Ron, she’s Malfoy’s girlfriend!” Harry yelled. “Once Seamus knows, everybody knows. And that means soon I will not only have…my current problem to worry over, Malfoy will also think I am trying to compete with him again, for that blasted Pansy of all people! And it couldn’t be further from the truth.” Harry slumped in the couch and his gaze travelled down to the floor. He looked truly miserable, like a little boy whose toy had been taken away.

“Oh, Harry. You really are a lamb, aren’t you?” Ron pinched his cheek.

Harry glared at him. Ron cleared his throat and put his hand in his pocket, still convinced that Harry was a lamb. “Anyway, nobody will believe that you could be in love with Pansy. She’s a Slytherin.”

Harry raised his eyebrows.

“Well, you know what I mean.” Ron said quickly. “My point is that I’m sure no one will take any notice.” He reassured his best friend blindly.

Hermione snorted from her place at the fire. She was not one for blind reassurance.

+ + +

“Helloooo, Harry.” A demure, feminine voice invaded Harry’s eardrums on the way to combined Potions two days later.

“Oh God.” Harry mumbled. “Oh God.”

“A little birdie told me that I’ve been the secret object of your affection for quite some time now.” Pansy rubbed herself against him like a cat. “Was the little birdie telling the truth?”

“Er…”

“Do you want me, Harry Potter?” Pansy’s breaths were growing shorter as she undulated against him.

“Er…I…” Harry looked terrified.

“Well, TOO BAD.” Pansy pushed him away hard, her voice dripping with disdain. Her trademark sneer was back on her pretty face. “You can’t have me.”

“Oh.” Harry looked relieved. “Oh well.”

“And my boyfriend wants to have a few words with you as well.”

“What?” Harry nearly fell down.

“Oh yes. He’s very upset. See you in Potions.”

She sailed into class.

+ + +

Harry threw a nervous glance at Draco Malfoy as he carved out a frog heart for today’s experiment.

Draco caught his eyes, glared, and let his knife fall upon the cutting board like a javelin.

Harry swallowed, his own knife slipping from his grip and slicing a neat line through the poor animal lying on the table.

Harry gave a tiny squeak, causing Snape to whip his head over at once. Harry immediately covered the blood flowing over the table with a rag.

“Ten points from Gryffindor for that outburst.” Snape glowered at him.

“I didn’t hear anything.” whispered Neville. Dean elbowed him to be quiet.

Harry looked over at Draco again, who was now smirking at him. The blonde gestured with his regal eyes to Harry’s table, and sure enough when Harry glanced down, there was a note sitting on it. He unfolded it.

Did I scare you, Potter?

Harry quickly checked to see if Snape was looking, before scribbling a quick reply.

No. I lost grip of my knife. It happens. And it might happen again if you don’t leave me alone.

He saw Draco raise his sculpted eyebrows in mocking amusement.

Aggressive, Potter. I like it.

Harry went a little red as he read Draco’s response.

The same aggressiveness that made you hit on my girlfriend.

Harry looked at Draco angrily. He stared back at the Gryffindor challengingly.

"I am not…interested in Pansy." Harry said as he wrote in hard, emphatic script. “What you heard….is not…true.”

He passed the note along the class and Draco grabbed it out of Justin’s hand.

Draco read it and narrowed his eyes.

Liar. He mouthed at Harry.

“I do not like Pansy!” Harry shouted.

Snape looked over from Hermione and Ron where he was currently deducting fifteen points for public displays of affection (Hermione had lent Ron her pencil) and said smoothly, “What did you say, Potter?"

Harry was at a loss for words. “I. Er. Sir…”

Snape’s eyes were black darts of poison.

“I don’t like Pansy either.” Neville said timidly from his seat.

Everyone turned to gawk at Neville.

“No, neither do I.” Crabbe agreed after a moment.

“Me neither.” Goyle concurred with his best friend. People were starting to nod now.

Pansy looked as if her world were falling apart. Millicent snickered.

“I don’t like her either.” Marcus Flint admitted. Draco glared at him. “Sorry. But she is a cow.”

“She is not a cow!” Hermione snapped.

“Yes, she is.” Millicent said flatly. “She’s a cow.”

“Millicent! You’re her best friend!”

“She’s still a cow.”

“Frankly, Miss Parkinson, I’m not sure whether I’m not too fond of you myself.” Snape grudgingly confessed. He paused. “That is not to say points will not be deducted from Gryffindor for intentional infliction of emotional distress.”

As the classroom debate continued on whether Pansy was a cow or not, no one noticed that Draco and Harry had disappeared from the room.

+ + +

“Alright, Potter. Own up. You’ve been messing about with my girlfriend, haven’t you?” Draco cornered him outside the Potions classroom.

“No, I haven’t.” Harry clenched his teeth.

“The why has Finnegan been blabbing it all over the school?”

“Because it’s Seamus!” Harry said, as if it were obvious.

“Are you seriously expecting me to believe–”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, Malfoy, Ron deliberately fed him the wrong information to make him go away because he is a nosy prat!” Harry yelled. “Boy, I’ve had enough of this. I don’t like Pansy, I like Pansy’s boyfriend!”

“I knew it! I – what?”

“Pansy’s boyfriend.” Harry repeated a little more calmly. “He’s the one I have a crush on. I’ve liked him for a year.”

“But…but I am Pansy’s boyfriend!” Draco shouted, looking ready to tear out his blonde hair.

“I know.” Harry smiled faintly, shrugging a little.

They stood still for a moment, ignoring the chants of “We Hate Pansy” floating out of the classroom.

“You can’t like Pansy’s boyfriend.”

“Draco, I think we’ve already established that it’s you we’re talking about.”

“That’s Malfoy to you,” Draco pointed an imperious finger at him. “And I’ll refer to myself in the third person to avoid throwing up whenever I wish to.”

“And I can like anyone I wish to!” Harry exclaimed.

"Except me.” “So you’re…you’re not fond of me.” Harry said slowly.

“Fond?” Draco looked indignant. “Potter, I don’t even like you!”

“Oh.” Harry looked crestfallen. “I guess. I thought…”

He fell silent.

“Well, just so you know, I’m fond of you.” Harry said finally. Draco looked uncomfortable. “And I will be no matter how much you try to change my mind. In fact the more you try to, the more I’ll like you. So you just shouldn’t.”

Harry turned to head for the stairs, when Pansy suddenly burst out of the Potions classroom, bubbles following her. She was covered head to toe in confetti.

“You!” She seethed. “This is all your fault!” She raised a hand to Harry’s face but another caught it, right before Harry’s eyes.

“Draco, what are you doing? Let me go so I can throttle this piece of scum.” Pansy looked at her boyfriend in confusion.

“No one,” Draco said imperiously, “Throttles my - my boyfriend. Oh God.” He looked panicked. “I hate you, Potter. I hate your guts.”

Harry broke out into a grin.

“Your boyfriend?” Pansy cried in outrage. “You don’t have a boyfriend!” (“He does now!” Harry piped up.) “You are my boyfriend.”

“Go away Pansy.” Draco said calmly. “Oh Merlin. What am I saying? This is a big mistake.” He said cheerfully. “I really hate you, Potter.”

“What the hell is going on?” Pansy yelled. “Do you like Harry Potter or not?”

Draco looked at Harry loftily.

Harry looked at Draco timidly.

Pansy glared at Draco and Harry.

Draco took a deep breath. “Oh Hell. I really think I might.”

Pansy gave an enraged shriek and flounced off.

“Oh dear.” Draco said absently as his girlfriend stalked away. “My entire heterosexual love life is slipping away. What am I doing. This is not like me. Fuck you, Potter.”

“Fine by me.” Harry breathed, pulling Draco to him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to give you a kiss. I’ve been waiting to do it for a year.”

“Well, if you’ve been waiting that long…”

Harry pressed his lips to Draco’s. Draco let out a little gasp and pushed his lips insistently against the other boy’s. After a moment, they were both breathing hard, their foreheads pressed together.

“Wow.” Harry murmured.

“It’s different kissing a boy…” Draco breathed.

“You mean I’m the first boy you’ve kissed?” Harry looked delighted.

“I was holding out.” Draco smirked. “You see, the truth is for a year now I’ve had this enormous crush on Ron Weaseley’s best friend.”

His lips moved downwards to Harry’s mouth, which was opened in shock.

"Well, it's true." Draco murmured against Harry's lips.

“What are you doing?” Harry whispered.

“I thought that was obvious. I’m going to kiss you.” Draco said. “I’ve been waiting to do it for a year.”

Harry smiled.

“Well, if you’ve been waiting that long…”

+ + +