Where to Start?
OK, Here goes... For One, i might be pregnant or i might possibly be going through a miscariage. I didnt want to say anything to my 'ole man b/c he has so much on his mind right now and so many things to worry about and are stressed out about. It just wouldnt have been fair to put something like this on him right now. And like i said i dont know yet. Well, it came up last night and i told him. I told him if i was i wouldn't want to have it and he said that he wouldnt be able to be with someone who killed his child. so, it would kill me for him to leave me over that, but thats something i'll have to deal with, if it comes to that. He said he would be the happiest guy in the world and he would deffinitly want me to have it so we could start our family and move me in. But, i am only 16 and i wish he would kinda think about where i am coming from. I mean thats THE ONE strong point ive had in my life is not to do that, not to go down that road. My dad always thought i would grow up to be a hoe or get pregnant and run off and shit and it would break my dads heart and tear his world apart. he has noone except for me now as it is, then he would really have noone. It would just kill him and he would be so disappointed in me that his little girlis pregnat and getting her ged and moving out and everything. Not to mention my social worker and dhr, they just placed me with my dad and are planning on this being my last stop and getting out of care. they observed me for 4 years and everywhere i have been has been disrupted somehow or way and my social worker is so happy that i am doing so well and so responsible and shit.. and then i come up oh yea guess what? im pregnat getting my ged and moving out... i mean come on now.i wouldn't be able to have a life for myself, which sounds cruel and shit but thats how i feel and i cant change that. this is the first time since i was 6 that i have been stable at home with my dad. i cant just throw all that away. i have a year and a half before i can move out then a couple years after that then i will start planning on having a kid. right now my focus is on school and work. even if i got my ged and went to college 2 nights a week, i would have to get another job and work full time all day and night, i just dont want to turn down that road. i have it hard as it is. i go 100 miles an hour all day. Thats how it going to have to be for the next year and a half too, and then ill have a year or two for party years and shit then i can start really settling down. I already know that man that i want to spend the rest of my life with and thats my one and only, john. i cant see my self with anyone more right and perfect for me and more of what i want. hes it. he wants his mom to talk with us about it but i think we should wait till i know for sure and me and him just talk about it and come up with our decision. i know him he wants to get his mom to speak for him and talk me into having it or make me feel bad for not having it, ive already got him figured out that much and i want to hear his feelings from him and no one else. i think i am just going to go get a pregnancy test and take it and see from there. AHHHH! is how i feel. Then again maybe thats what i need so i can get out of the house and shit and away from dad and brenda's shit which i havent even got into yet, thats a whole nother problem/worry/thing to stress about. Some thing happened last night and i just dont even want to get into it right now. i will another time. N/E ways... if yall could send me feedback i would really appreciate it. thanks peeps... im outtie
